Topic: Damn your butt looks big!

[KittenClaws]

Unless the admin changes it, the title contains the exact words a friend of mine said to me nearly twenty years ago.  I was trying on one of the latest styles and asked her opinion. She gave it truthfully.

Yes. It was hard to hear. I really wanted that outfit. But she was right. I knew my butt looked big, but I wanted to hear it didn't. But it did. Since then, I have heard her words every time I have entered a dressing room. Not that my butt is big, ok? But, do I look how I want to look or how I really look?

So here is the OP.

If the person you believe is your true friend tells you a truth you do not wish to hear; perhaps a truth larger than clothing that enhances your buttocks, do you take this under serious advisement or lose the friend?

Can your friendship survive truth?

[Pandora]

It can, but it depends on the delivery.

"Look, I know you like this _________, the color is good on you, but it's not as flattering as it could be.  Let's find something else".

With one of my friends I could say, "Oh hell no; that's horrible, get it off".  With some of my others, more tact (see above) is required.  I guess the question is, how well do you and your friend know each other and can you be blunt?

If not, hard truth is not optional but pussyfootin' may be.   

[oldcoastie6468]

Sometimes the truth can hurt. But a non-truth can do a lasting hurt.

I'll go with telling the truth any time. Or hearing it.

[BigAlSouth]

This conundrum perfectly illustrates the difference between men and women. A woman will always ask a friend or spouse if something looks good on them.

A man couldn't care less.

[oldcoastie6468]

This conundrum perfectly illustrates the difference between men and women. A woman will always ask a friend or spouse if something looks good on them.

A man couldn't care less.

BigAlSouth speaks the truth! 

[Dan]

And see, he's still our friend!
But yeah, truth and tact are hallmarks of friendship I think

[oldcoastie6468]

First off, I'd never tell any lady that her butt looks big. I would, however, tell her that her butt looks fantastic! 

[Predator Don]

This conundrum perfectly illustrates the difference between men and women. A woman will always ask a friend or spouse if something looks good on them.

A man couldn't care less.

This is pure truth. I really hate shopping with my wife, because the question always is..... How does this look on me? ( or a form of this question) This is usually when the shopping experience goes downhill, because there IS no correct answer. I warn my wife when she requests my attendance, she KNOWS the end result and she even admits it normally isn't my fault..... But she just can't help but ask me to go....Then she blames it on hormones.

Now, if I need anything, I really don't want the wife going with me because it means whatever I pick up, I got to try on for her...... When it is much easier to just pick it up, buy it, and get home. I know my size and as stated above, I could care less....lol

[IronDioPriest]

Telling the truth - kindly unless the relationship/circumstance allows for good-natured ribbing - is always a better option, in my opinion.

I'll give you an example. Ever since we returned from China with our daughter, my wife has taken to scrapbooking. She began with a scrapbook of that experience, and has since created a library of our life experiences since then. My kids years in school/sport, our vacations, etc.

She has a real knack for it. Some of the pages are so beautiful they evoke tears. There are ALL KINDS of different techniques that can be used to creatively and artistically bring the pages to life. She takes classes and watches youtubes (and subsequently buys a lot of gear), and she's always experimenting.

I tell her often, every time she shows me her work, how much I appreciate her effort. It's so much nicer than a regular photo album, and I make sure to tell her. I want her to know that what she does is edifying and appreciated.

Well, one of the techniques she learned was glass etching. We were invited to a party, and her idea for a gift was to give them nice wine glasses (they're wine connoisseurs), and etch them with their family initial. She created a couple tests, and asked me which I liked better.

Problem was, I didn't like either. The idea was nice, but seeing it in reality, it looked a little cheesy. I didn't think our hosts would ever use them, or that if they did, it would only be when we came to their house.

It was hard to tell the truth, but I did, and she appreciated it. I told her the idea was nice, but that now that I'd seen it, it might be a better idea for a set of beer mugs - that I liked the etching but it didn't seem to go with a wine glass. Just to make sure she knew my good intent, I told her that at least in telling the truth, she knows that when I praise her work, I'm telling the truth then too.

She got it, and wasn't offended at all - at least not in any outward way. I think the alternative - keeping my mouth shut and telling her they looked nice - would have been encouraging her to do something she might later regret, or feel embarrassed of.

ETA: That said, commenting on a woman's looks, hair, shoes, clothing etc - even if she asks - is dangerous territory. All bets are off.

[Septugenarian]

My answer to those "Does this make me look ..........." is, It wouldn't dare! 

[oldcoastie6468]

It's definitely a "Damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation.

[ChrstnHsbndFthr]

The question has centered around fashion and looks, but I think it is a deeper question. I have no use for "friends" who will not tell me the truth. Especially if I ask for it. What kind of friend lies to spare your feelings or themselves the embarrassment of the truth? 

I certainly agree with putting it kindly if possible, but there are times I miss the subtle hints and need the sledge hammer between the eyes. My true friends will give it to me.

[oldcoastie6468]

My feelings, too, ChrstnHsbndFthr!!

[KittenClaws]

It can, but it depends on the delivery.

"Look, I know you like this _________, the color is good on you, but it's not as flattering as it could be.  Let's find something else".

With one of my friends I could say, "Oh hell no; that's horrible, get it off".  With some of my others, more tact (see above) is required.  I guess the question is, how well do you and your friend know each other and can you be blunt?

If not, hard truth is not optional but pussyfootin' may be.   

So, you say the truth depends upon how it is presented?

My friend actually said " damn your butt looks big". If she would have sugar coated it, I'm not sure it would have the same effect.

[KittenClaws]

This conundrum perfectly illustrates the difference between men and women. A woman will always ask a friend or spouse if something looks good on them.

A man couldn't care less.

BS! Men do care. Even manly men.

[KittenClaws]

And see, he's still our friend!
But yeah, truth and tact are hallmarks of friendship I think

Wouldn't the amount of tact needed depend on the friend?

How do you tactfully and gently say someone's butt looks big? What do you say?

I'm all for "damn your butt looks big"

[KittenClaws]

The question has centered around fashion and looks, but I think it is a deeper question. I have no use for "friends" who will not tell me the truth. Especially if I ask for it. What kind of friend lies to spare your feelings or themselves the embarrassment of the truth? 

I certainly agree with putting it kindly if possible, but there are times I miss the subtle hints and need the sledge hammer between the eyes. My true friends will give it to me.

#1 answer so far!

The truth is accepted by true friends regardless of presentation.

[oldcoastie6468]

And see, he's still our friend!
But yeah, truth and tact are hallmarks of friendship I think

Wouldn't the amount of tact needed depend on the friend?

How do you tactfully and gently say someone's butt looks big? What do you say?

I'm all for "damn your butt looks big FANTASTIC!"

[Pandora]

It can, but it depends on the delivery.

"Look, I know you like this _________, the color is good on you, but it's not as flattering as it could be.  Let's find something else".

With one of my friends I could say, "Oh hell no; that's horrible, get it off".  With some of my others, more tact (see above) is required.  I guess the question is, how well do you and your friend know each other and can you be blunt?

If not, hard truth is not optional but pussyfootin' may be.   

So, you say the truth depends upon how it is presented?

Hmm.  Not really; what I'm saying is sometimes, depending on the person, *how* the truth is presented makes it more or less palatable.  For our friends that don't require a sledgehammer, there's no need to use one, right?  So, truth presented with a little tact goes a long way.  The friend in my example -- "hell no, get that off, it's horrible" -- and I have always spoken to each other that way.  (It's a Jersey thing).  My southern belle friend would be more amenable to the other method, "I think this or that would look better on you", because she'd read that loud and clear as "hell no, get that off, it's horrible" without me having to say that.

It's always the truth; people just respond differently to blunt vs tact.

My friend actually said " damn your butt looks big". If she would have sugar coated it, I'm not sure it would have the same effect.

Well, from what I can tell, you and I could deal quite well with the "hell no ....... horrible" method of communication.   

[oldcoastie6468]

My life is simpler. I'd never tell a lady that her butt was big.