EBONIC CRIMMUS
Wuz de nite ‘fo Crimmus,
And all over da hood,
Ererybody wuz sleepin’,
Dey wuz sleepin’ real good.
We hunged up our stockins,
An hoped like de heck
Dat ol Santa Claus
Be bringin’ our check.
All o’de fambly
Wuz layin’ in dey beds
While Ripple & Tunderbird
Danced tru’ dey heads.
I passed out inna’ flo’
Right next to my Maw,
When I heerd sech a fuss
I thunk, “It mus’ be da law!”
I looked out tru’ de bars
What covered my do’
‘spectin’ de sheriff
Wit a warrant fo sho.
And what did I see?
I said, “Lawd, look at dat!”
Der wuz a huge watermelon
Pulled by giant wharf rats!
Now ober de years
Santa Claus, he be white
But looks liken us bros
Git a black Santa dis night.
Faster’n a poleece car
My home boy he came
He whupped on dem wharf rats
And called ‘em by name!
On Leroy, On ‘Lonzo
And on Willie Lee;
On Sapphire, on Chenequa!
Dey wuz a sight to see!
As he landed dat watermelon
Out der in da skreet,
I knowed it was fo sho’
Da damndest sight I ebber did see!
He didn’t go down no chimbly;
He picked da’ lock on mah do’!
An’ I sez to m’se’f,
“Shhiiit! He done dis befo’!
He had dis big bag
Full of prezunts I ‘spect,
Wid Air Jordans, an’ fake gold,
To wear ‘roun’ m’ neck.
But he left no good prezunts.
He jus’ started stealin’ my shhiit.
Got my drugs, got my guns,
Even got my burglar’s kit!
Wit’ my stuff in de bag
Out da winder he flewed.
I woulda’ catched him,
But he stole m’ knife too!
He jumped on dat watermelon,
And whipped out a switch.
He wuz gone in a secon’
Dat son o’ a bittcch!
Next year I be hopin’
Anutha Santa we git,
Cuz’ diz here Santa Claus
Jus’ ain’t werf a shhiit!
