Author Topic: Heavenly Humor  (Read 753 times)

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Offline rustybayonet

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Heavenly Humor
« on: December 28, 2013, 09:37:12 AM »
In the beginning, GOD created the Heavens and the Earth, then populated the Earth with broccoli, cauiflower, spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so man and woman would live long and healthy lives.
 Then using GOD's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts.  And Satan said, :You want chocolate with that? And man said "Yes"! And woman said "as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles". So they gained 10 pounds and Satan smiled.
 So GOD created the healthful yogurt that woman might keep the figure that man found so fair.  And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them.  Then woman went from size 6 to size 14 and Satan smiled.
 So GOD said "Try my fresh green salad".  And Satan presented Thousand Island dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side, and man and woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
 GOD then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them,"  And Satan barought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed it's own platter, and man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.
 GOD then created a little, fluffy white cake, named it 'Angel Food' and said "it's good".  Satan then created a chocolate cake and named it "Devil's food".
 GOD brought forth running shoes so that his children might lose those extra pounds.  And Satan gave us cable TV with a remote control so man would not have to toil changing the channels.  Man and woman laughed and then cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.
 Then GOD brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.  And Satan peeled off the healthful skin, and sliced the starchy center into ships and deep-fat-fried them.  And man gained pounds.
 GOD then gave lean beef so that man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.  And Satan created McDonalds and it's 99-cent double cheeseburger then Said,"you want fries with that"? and man replied, "Yes! and super size them"! and Satan said, "it's good", and man went into cardiac arrest.
 GOD sighed and created Quadruple bypass surgery -- then Satan created HMO's. [afterwhich we got obamacare,or {obamadoesn'tcare}].
All gave some -- Some gave all    Humbled to be one of the 33 original members of the Coast Guard Honor Guard, started in 1962.
 Today is the Tomorrow, we worried about Yesterday