Author Topic: So You Have a College Diploma  (Read 2110 times)

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Offline rickl

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So You Have a College Diploma
« on: May 26, 2011, 12:33:29 AM »
Quote
Welcome distinguished faculty, honored guests, and bankrupt parents. And above all, welcome to you - the eager and unemployable graduates of the Class of 2011.

Today represents the culmination of a long safari through the murky thickets of this impenetrable rain forest we call "higher education." Just a few years ago you arrived for your freshman orientation, full of wide-eyed anticipation and existential dread, wondering if this place would eat you alive. Soon though - through luck, pluck, and enormous amounts of mind altering substances - you adapted to your new surroundings. You learned to communicate in the natives' strange gibberish and follow their bizarre rituals. You learned which taboo words and thoughts to avoid, and how not provoke the cannibals. And finally, today, as you stumble out of that misty, bewildering glade and across this stage, you will receive the ultimate acknowledgement of your successful journey through the heart of darkness: a college diploma.

What a handsome document it is; genuine acid-free vellum, laser printed in the finest Olde English calligraphy, expertly kerned and cropped, suitable for framing. One can only imagine the pride of the sheep that sacrificed its life that you might walk away with this elegant keepsake of four years in your own beloved ovine herd. Or five, or seven, or whatever your family financial resources and alcohol habits demanded.

Behold its Latin inscriptions and embossed seals; why, if you just squint a little, it looks like it could have come from Harvard, maybe even Hogwarts. Drink in the bold signatures from the dean of your college and the president of the university, affirming to the world that you have fulfilled each academic requirement and never bounced a tuition check. And thus it also affirms that you have been sanctified as a graduate of this fine institution, and are now granted all rights and privileges thereunto appurtaining. What exactly are those rights and privileges, you ask? Believe me, you'll be finding out soon enough.

Now that your time and money are tapped out, this diploma will serve as lasting reminder of everything you accomplished during your magical four to seven years on campus. Please take it with our compliments, and treasure its distinctive elegance during the many, many free hours you will soon have after moving back home with your parents. As a special offer to those parents who have any money or pride left, we will cheerfully mail your student's diploma pre-framed for the low additional cost of $79.95 plus shipping and handling, ready to hang in a place of honor over your family hearth or hot water heater. Or, for $99.95, this deluxe leatherette-bound diploma TrapperKeeper makes an elegant organizer for all those student loan bills that will begin arriving within the next 60 days.

The rest
We are so far past and beyond the “long train of abuses and usurpations” that the Colonists and Founders experienced and which necessitated the Revolutionary War that they aren’t even visible in the rear-view mirror.
~ Ann Barnhardt

Offline Sectionhand

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Re: So You Have a College Diploma
« Reply #1 on: May 26, 2011, 04:28:01 AM »
In regard to Higher Education , I believe the Law of Diminishing Return has finally begun to kick in . Although I hold a BFA and work toward an MA , most of what I know of a constructive nature , I learned outside those alleged institutions of higher education .

Offline Libertas

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Re: So You Have a College Diploma
« Reply #2 on: May 26, 2011, 07:27:38 AM »
"If your parents then threaten to exile you from your aboriginal homeland unless you get a job, try getting hired back at that Subway you worked at back when you were a high school senior. Your weed dealer friend Jason kept on working there while you were away. Now he's District Manager, so, hey, maybe he can put a good word in for you."

 ::rolllaughing::

"most of what I know of a constructive nature , I learned outside those alleged institutions of higher education"

I have three sheepskins and I agree, nothing like self-motivated learning and experience to hone a mind into a truly useful tool.  Formal education at best can only introduce learning to inquiring minds, it is ill equipped to the develop it, that must come from within.

 ::thumbsup::

Of late I see too many kids just doing what it takes to get through college, not really interested in learning, the diploma is only the end to a means.  There are kids fresh out of school who have such poor written and oral communication skills and have such ill-conceived preconceptions as to how business and the world in general really works that I am left wondering why their parents ever bothered to shell out thousands of dollars on them!

 ::whatgives::

But higher ed is really good at propaganda and leftist indoctrination!   ::gaah::

And have you seen the kind of crap that is offered now days?   ::puke::

Too many are pissing money down a drain for a document that will be almost completely worthless in the real world, and only the universities and their leftard prof's will profit from this deal.  Talk about screwed!

 ::cussing::

We are now where The Founders were when they faced despotism.

Online Pandora

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Re: So You Have a College Diploma
« Reply #3 on: May 26, 2011, 06:27:27 PM »
Most colleges and universities are now jobs programs .... for the staff, administration, and professors.
"Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer." - Mark Twain

"Let us assume for the moment everything you say about me is true. That just makes your problem bigger, doesn't it?"

Offline Sectionhand

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Re: So You Have a College Diploma
« Reply #4 on: May 27, 2011, 03:41:02 AM »
Most colleges and universities are now jobs programs .... for the staff, administration, and professors.

And damned high paying jobs too ! If you look at college instructors from full professors down to graduate assistants , you'll find that the majority have never worked successfully in the real world applying the lessons they teach in their own areas of "expertise" . In fact , they spend most of their time fighting for tenure so they don't have to endure the hard realities of life outside the gated communities of academia .

Offline Libertas

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Re: So You Have a College Diploma
« Reply #5 on: May 27, 2011, 07:38:31 AM »
Most colleges and universities are now jobs programs .... for the staff, administration, and professors.

And damned high paying jobs too ! If you look at college instructors from full professors down to graduate assistants , you'll find that the majority have never worked successfully in the real world applying the lessons they teach in their own areas of "expertise" . In fact , they spend most of their time fighting for tenure so they don't have to endure the hard realities of life outside the gated communities of academia .

Yup.

When the fit hits the shan I wonder how many of these haughty socialist intellectuals will be faster than the mob chasing them?
We are now where The Founders were when they faced despotism.