You're all familiar, I trust, with Gilbert & Sullivan's "I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major General" from
Pirates of Penzance, right?
If not, here's a refresher:
Pirates of Penzance Sing Along: Major-General's SongNow try these lyrics on for size:
I am the true embodiment of a socialistic president;
My community organizing skills are eminently evident.
Weapons legal on our streets make shooting much too common;
Let’s sell them south to the Zetas so that they can shoot some lawmen.
I’m very well acquainted, too, with matters economical.
I understand a stimulus, both small and astronomical.
Billions spent to keep a failing auto maker steady;
And shovel-ready projects that are never shovel-ready.
And shovel-ready projects that are never shovel-ready.
And shovel-ready projects that are never shovel-ready.
And shovel-ready projects that are never shovel-ready.
My style of public speaking is deceptively transparent,
While its penchant to bamboozle is intrinsically inherent.
Since my dialectic skills are quite eminently evident,
I am the true embodiment of a socialistic president.
Since my dialectic skills are quite eminently evident,
I am the true embodiment of a socialistic president.
I know the mythic history of our socialist progression,
The overriding principle of federal intervention.
I know that life on welfare is a right and not an option;
And the public need not like a law, if I prefer adoption.
I understand the outlook of all modern PC-osophy
Equality of the working class and an added small apostrophe:
Of the many hues of bigotry that have worldwide come to light,
The only one that matters is the one that’s colored White.
The only one that matters is the one that’s colored White.
The only one that matters is the one that’s colored White.
The only one that matters is the one that’s colored White.
And I can form committees and full plenary commissions,
To offer me solutions which have no hope of fruition.
You can see by my creative ways of raising an impediment
That I’m the true embodiment of a socialistic president.
You can see by my creative ways of raising an impediment
That I’m the true embodiment of a socialistic president.
In less than three full years as your socialistic president,
I’ve taught the nation as a whole the joy of self-embarrassment.
Our allies of long-standing have been snubbed and denigrated;
For Stalinists and jihadists, we have kowtowed and prostrated.
Non-citizens flood in to us from somewhere ’neath our border.
And giving them the vote is really far, far out of order…
Unless, of course we show them that it’s good for them to vote for us
And an unsurpassed campaigner in a big, black eco-hostile bus.
And an unsurpassed campaigner in a big, black eco-hostile bus.
And an unsurpassed campaigner in a big, black eco-hostile bus.
And an unsurpassed campaigner in a big, black eco-hostile bus.
Now, while my skill at governing is obviously secondary,
My wielding of polemic thought is reputed legendary.
And since my dialectic skills are visibly pre-eminent,
I am the true embodiment of a socialistic president.
And since my dialectic skills are visibly pre-eminent,
I am the true embodiment of a socialistic president.
From
Gates of Vienna.
