When we were set to adopt our daughter it was revealed to us at the last moment that she had a sibling who was autistic. We had been caring for a severely autistic child on an occasional basis (to give the parents a break) and this news was very troubling. We actually took an extra 24 hours to "take delivery" of our daughter to pray about the situation but ultimately we did adopt her, reasoning that God had brought her into our lives for a reason. (We only learned much later that the birth mother had smoked and drank all through the pregnancy.)
The next three years were very difficult for us. We discovered that our daughter was somewhat unusual. She would not sleep during the day (no break for us) but she would inexplicably sleep through the entire night, every night, without waking. When she was awake, though, she was extremely busy. She would not allow herself to be confined to a crib, going as far as climbing out of it before she had even learned to walk. She learned how to walk very early, going from sitting up to crawling to walking within a month. And then from walking to running within another week.
Although she did sleep through the night it was extremely difficult to get her to actually achieve unconsciousness. I would have to hold her in my arms in her bed for an extended period of time, anywhere between thirty to ninety minutes, before she would go to sleep. We tried to let her go to sleep on her own and she would be up until two or three in the morning and then as soon as the sun came up she was awake again.
She was unable to focus on anything during her waking hours. She did not like to be held at all (you can imagine how difficult it was to get her to go to sleep when the only way it would happen is if I physically restrained her, wrapping her in my arms in her bed until she eventually wore out and shut down). She could not sit and listen as a book was read to her. She could not sit at the dinner table and eat. She couldn't watch a television program for more than a few minutes. She was constantly getting into trouble, making one godawful mess after another...the destruction to her room and the house was incredible. Punishment was totally useless and after a while seemed cruel since she seemed to have no concept of what it was she was supposed to do. This went on until she was three.
We didn't think that she was autistic but there was definitely something wrong.
At age three, at the urging of our family doctor, we took her to a specialist...a child psychiatrist. He watched her bounce around his office uncontrollably for about a half hour while he asked us questions about her behavior. He then told us that she was the youngest person he had ever seen with severe hyperactivity.
I had, until this child entered my life, never believed in ADD or its various forms. I always thought that it was pure BS and I still believe that it is grossly over diagnosed for most children. Nevertheless, the change in our daughter when she was on the medication was dramatic. She went from totally out of control to normal immediately. The medication did not make her dopey or anything like that. It made her normal. When she was old enough to understand our questions we asked her what it was like when she was un-medicated and she said that it was like a thousand voices screaming in her head. She is twelve now and still on the medication. Every once in a while we give her a break from it and the difference is obvious. Her doctor says that she may, through force of will, someday be able to go without it. But perhaps not.
To get her to sleep the answer was to simply give her a Benadryl tablet at dinner time. That, too, was amazing. It worked instantly and there are no side effects at all. Benadryl will knock me out completely but for her it allowed her to go to sleep at bedtime like a normal person.
At any rate, my advice would be to give the situation time. It may be difficult for the parents in the near term but it may, as in our situation, work out over time. We were fortunate that our daughter's situation did not, in fact, turn out to be autism and that it was highly treatable. She has learning disabilities which are at odds with her very high level of intelligence. My guess is that these stem from her prenatal treatment. On the other hand she is extremely kind and loving. So she sucks at schoolwork. We have home schooled her and had her in public school and it seems to make no difference. I am thinking that we will probably move her back to a home school environment at the conclusion of this school year.
As has been mentioned above by others, there are different degrees of autism. I recently came across an extremely good movie (and I don't say this lightly) about an autistic woman. The movie is called
Temple Grandin and it is
highly recommended to anyone because it shows that autism may not necessarily be as bad as you think it might be. Temple's story is incredible, unbelievable even, and offers tremendous hope to the families of autistic children. Seriously, this film has a 100% at Rotten Tomatoes and that's unusual (imdb entry found
here.). You can read the wikipedia entry about her
here. Dr. Grandin (yeah, she earned a PhD) is currently a professor at Colorado State University.
So...just remember that you never know how things are going to work out. Be hopeful.
