I've never been in jail, outside of being held in a two-cell town jail for two hours while my wife drove to a nearby town with an ATM (yes, it was that long ago) to get $200 to bail me out on an outstanding traffic warrant. I was the only one in the jail. I stole the cops cigarettes and watched "Happy Days".
So that's my only experience. But I always assumed that in a real jail or prison situation, where one was being admitted into a "population", that a "bend over and spread your cheeks" strip-search was SOP.
Me too, only no cigs or tv; however, there was a strip to the drawers. And...my wife was in a meeting and I was not going to give the secretary a message and my other two calls were unanswered so... I was transferred to the county jail. Oh man, be glad your wife answered the phone.
She was actually with me. It's a pretty funny story that gives a glimpse into what an irresponsible little douchebag I was in 1989.
That year I got 9 moving violations - 4 of them in one day in two different traffic stops. It must have been something about police left-hand/right-hand ineptitude, the slowness of paper records, or something - because during this period I had an expired license, but somehow the cops never caught it. They'd pull me over, give me a ticket, and send me on my way. So somehow they didn't get around to suspending my license because technically I didn't have one. Finally, on the 9th ticket, the deputy realized I was driving with a license that was expired for almost a year, and checked for outstanding warrants, of which there were 8.
He took me right to jail and my wife followed me there, and he called the county in which the most recent warrant was issued while I listened. I could tell by the conversation that the other sheriff was telling him that I needed to be transported to that county and turned over to their custody. I freaked out, and blurted out "Can't I just pay the fine?" The deputy asked the other sheriff if that was an option, and by his, "uh huh" and "ok, so you need me to actually drive him up there today" I could tell the answer was "no". I could also tell that this deputy did NOT want to drive 3 hours to the other county, so I took a chance and blurted out, "Lemme talk to him!"
I was surprised when the deputy said, "He wants to talk to you," and then handed me the phone. I asked, "Can't I just pay the fine?" The sheriff on the phone said I could, so long as I paid cash and remained in custody until the fine was paid.
We hung up, and started figuring out with the deputy exactly what needed to happen. There was no ATM in their town. To his knowledge the closest one was an hour away. He called his buddy in the other town and got directions to the ATM for my wife. She left, I watched Happy Days, and two hours later, we were on our way. a few hundred dollars poorer.
Here's the funny part: Because of the horrendous year of violations and driving without insurance and with an expired license, I was sentenced to lose my license for one year. But I had no license - it was expired, for 11 months. Somehow the suspension could only be carried out on a valid driver's license, so the suspension began on the day the license expired. Result? A suspension of roughly 30 days.
Somehow I think that in this day and age of computerized records, such a thing could never happen again. I was always known by my friends both before and after this incident as one lucky SOB, and my brush with the law in 1989 solidified the legend.
I was taken into custody one other time when I was 17, but never jailed or placed in a cell. Holding room until mom and dad arrived was as close as I got. Violation? I was throwing firecrackers at people's feet on July 4th at the city fireworks gathering. My last "victim" pulled handcuffs from his belt and said, "come with me son."