Topic: Benefit Finder. You can't make this up

[Weisshaupt]

I mentioned this tool in my food stamps thread, but it really deserves its own.  Some highlights:

Filling out a form to see what you qualify for? Well we have to know your race. You see, certain races, being inferior, need more help.


In jail? No problem, there are benefits for you too!


Hmm, they don't seem to have an entry for engineering. These all seem to be agri,  govt or union jobs.



 Dang, not a druggie..


Hey Presidentially  Declared disaster- does the Obama Presidency count?


Work for us once- benefits thereafter.


Hey, even though I am white, educated, and have a degree, I still may qualify for  100 programs, including special loans and  grants for building Solar PV systems, and opening rural businesses and improving my double-wide mobile home. Guess the "Are you now or have you ever been a Republican?" question comes later

[Libertas]

I am a native American, I was born here.

[warpmine]

I am a native American, I was born here.

What about illegal aliens, they were all born on Liberalanus.

[Libertas]

I am a native American, I was born here.

What about illegal aliens, they were all born on Liberalanus.

An illegal anus has no claim.

[LadyVirginia]

I got an 86.  And looking over the list I don't think there's one I actually could qualify for if I was so inclined.  An interesting one--literature grant.  Not sure why that got on the list but you get a grant to sit around and write for a year or two.  The catch is you have to already be a published writer.  Which had me wondering what do you need a grant for if you've already been published? You did it at least once without a grant.

[Libertas]

What qualifies as "published"?  I "published" a masters thesis eons ago, the copies are probably still rotting in the school library...but it was "published"!

[Pandora]

I was published in the local newspaper when I was eight.

[Libertas]

I guess we're good to go.