Hi guys, Remember me? We met last night at your show. You were the two dickless Limey bastards who were pretending to put on a show and I was the guy who was heckling you.
OK, maybe I should back up a bit.
My mom told me that there was going to be a show in town that she wanted to see. I couldn't recall who she was referring to - this "Chad and Jeremy" but she said that they did some songs that she remembered liking. So we bought tickets. It isn't easy for my mom to get around these days. There's the walker and the portable oxygen bottles, and a myriad of little chores that must be completed before heading out.
She was so looking forward to the show. We arrived early so that we could park near the entrance - that way she didn't have to walk that far. Once inside we found our seats and got ourselves settled in. It was a smallish theater located in the local high school, but even at that it was only about 1/3 full. I know the producer of these concerts personally and felt bad that he wasn't getting a better turnout.
The opening act was group of local talent singing a combination of cover tunes and originals. I had never heard of them but they did a decent job and appeared to be enjoying themselves.
My friend came out and gave his spiel about his concert coalition and the need for more participation so we could attract more and better acts. LOL - he had to amend his statement because it sounded like he was referring to the nights main attraction. In retrospect I believe that maybe he was.
Then he introduced you Chad, who sauntered out onto the stage awkwardly carrying a guitar. You approached the set and fiddled with the equipment a bit, mumbled something, shuffled papers, and fiddled some more. Then you started to talk, telling the beginning of an endless, pointless series of disjointed anecdotes. I think you played a solo tune - honestly I can't remember because you were so boring. Eventually you introduced Jeremy, who came out with a smile and commenced the show.
There were some songs you did that I remembered once I heard them played. You guys did OK - not great. You constantly complained about the sound levels not being what you wanted. Up with this level, less guitar, now I can't hear myself, now it's too hot. And you constantly cupped your hands and peered into the audience. Most peculiar. Of course, your several complaints about the lack of a bar (it was a school after all!) were a bit odd as well.
You did several tunes, interspersed with lots (!) of anecdotes and irreverent banter, and then took an intermission. As you were leaving the stage you asked the whereabouts of the bar - again. Haha.
After the interlude you came back out, alone again. You may think it cutsie, or proper or something, but I found the extreme casualness offputting. Anyway, you came out and started back up with the anecdotes. The audience politely put up with them even though it wasn't hard to tell that they would rather be hearing music. After a couple of rambling stories you asked, "I'm tired of politics - how about you"? A rousing chorus of applause said that they agreed. Then you launched into your dislike of American politics. You ranted about how we conducted out elections and how much money was spent and mostly proved that you didn't have the slightest notion of what you were rattling on about. There were a few quiet moans and groan but most took it in stride. You mentioned that you had received a picture from michelle Øboma and declared it "lovely". Hmmm. Then you said that you had received a phone call from Mitt Romney. You said that you had something else to do and didn't have time to talk so.....you hung up on him. A few titters from the audience. You said that he called again and again you hung up on him. Haha. A third call and again you hung up on him. "Doesn't Mitt know I can't vote"? Someone from the audience shouts out "What is this crap"? and it was then that I heckled someone for the first time.
"Shut up and sing!" was what I said. I didn't shout it, but you heard it, and immediately reacted to it by berating me and attempting to call me out. You bellowed, "If you think that you can do any better then come on up" apparently not realizing how little sense that made. (By the way - yes, I am better than you - even though that wasn't the point).
Then Jeremy came out and the show resumed. I know that my remark rattled you because your performance really sucked after that. You made multiple mistakes and barked repeatedly at the soundman. I quietly sat through the rest of your miserable show - you see I never wanted to interfere with your performance - I just wanted the entertainment that I had paid so dearly to see.
So congratulations you managed to bring out the boor in me. You managed to demonstrate the worst that is the music business. I do hope that you eventually found the drink you so incessantly yearned for. Know that I will be encouraging my friend not to hire you again.
