Author Topic: So I Married an Axe Murderer  (Read 16713 times)

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Offline LadyVirginia

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Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
« Reply #60 on: December 05, 2013, 07:35:53 PM »
oh, this should be good...
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Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
« Reply #61 on: December 07, 2013, 11:47:40 AM »
As promised (sorry, it took me a bit to dig up the pictures)

Garfield and the Beast

Playing music has been a passion for me all of my life. A family friend had an upright piano and when we would visit we kids would invariably ask to play. This was reliably greeted with a diversionary tactic because neither my mom nor the hostess wanted us pounding on the antique keyboard. When I would visit with just my mom however things were different. My mom’s friend would let me sit at the ancient behemoth and play (“This can be our little secret”). That’s because I didn’t pound – I explored. I would play single tones and allow them to ring. I would play arpeggios (not well but well enough) and wonder at the tones I created.
 
The world is an oyster to an ingénue. The horizons are vast for an impresario. Artists can set the world on fire. But mere musicians – not so much. Technicians are a dime a dozen whether they work on cars or play the guitar. I loved playing but I wasn’t a great performer. I tried several times to learn to read music but never got beyond the basics. I started a thousand songs but never finished a single one. I played in dozens of bands starting while still in high school but none of them ever went anywhere.

But I enjoy playing so much that, although I took a hiatus or two, I always came back to it. No matter how bleak my circumstances got, like the song goes, I’d never sell my guitar.

The closest I ever came was during my second marriage.

I had gotten into an accident while uninsured. It was my fault and I owed the other guy $2800. We didn’t have it at the time so I scrounged a portion and his insurance company allowed me to make payments on the balance. She pressured me to sell my gear, and I did (reluctantly) sell my best Fender amp. The pressure was unrelenting to divest the rest but I stood fast. Eventually I paid my debt and soon enough found another band to play in.

By around 1991 things were going pretty good  in our little family. I had a decent job, had just bought a house, and had put together a new group. We needed a PA so we pooled our resources and bought a bare-bones kit that got us started. As I remember I put the total – about $3500 - on my credit card and the others made payments on their share to me. My split was about $900. Since “the band” got paid first (paying whatever expenses incurred as a course of business) we quickly paid off the gear with earnings from gigs.

When my wifey found out she hit the roof. True, I should have let her know what we were doing but it was my credit card and my credit (we had separate credit cards). I tried to explain how it was an investment but she turned a deaf ear (and a cold shoulder).

A couple of weeks later she announced that she had made a purchase. I waited for the other shoe to drop. “Since you decided to spend money on stuff you like I decided to spend money on stuff I like”. Man, I could see where this was headed! She explained (OK, more like notified) to me that she had bought some Garfield figurines from the Home Shopping Network.  I tried desperately to show some interest but I get the impression that my reaction came across like “That’s nice dear” to her. When they arrived they were everything that one might imagine Garfield figurines to be. (yawn). While I was away at work she went to the hardware store, bought some shelving, and had it installed - more or less – in the dining room by the time I got home. There was a sh*t-load of shelving there. Those Garfield figurines sure looked lonely and abandoned sitting there all alone like that. I’m sure that was the impression she wished to convey.

Sure enough (and I’m certain much to the relief of those forlorn Garfield figurines sitting all alone on that shelf) they were soon joined by more Garfield figurines. And more Garfield figurines. And more. At one point I asked if she was about done and, in her trademark snotty tone she told me “you buy what you like - I buy what I like”. I patiently explained that we couldn’t afford these extravagances, to which she threw back at me, “You mean like music equipment?!”

I reminded her that I had already paid off the equipment but it didn’t matter to her. She was out to prove a point and no mere man would be giving the rout. She finally stopped someplace around the $3500 mark.





 
You don’t have to say a word - know you’re impressed.

The display wasn’t as much a display as it was a shrine. No, that’s not true – it was a spite fence. It was there for one reason and one reason alone – to spite me for having the temerity to make an independent decision. She never allowed the kids to touch any of her Garfield crap – smacking them any time they ever tried. At one time she purchased a cat – a Siamese  - and brought it home. The cat made the fatal mistake of leaping up into the midst of the shrine one afternoon after spying a squirrel outside the window. She had the cat put to sleep.

That was 1991. It’s now 22 years later and I still own the PA. And it is still making money for me.

I wonder how much the shrine is worth?



Offline Libertas

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Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
« Reply #62 on: December 09, 2013, 06:45:01 AM »
The Shrine of Spite...and she snuffed a cat...what a heart!

/

Did you ever have any fantasies about going Dillinger on that mess?  Talk about a tough impulse to quiet!
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Offline LadyVirginia

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Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
« Reply #63 on: December 09, 2013, 11:20:19 AM »
I hope you didn't have to eat in the dining room too often. I couldn't but then I never got the whole Garfield cat thing anyway.

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Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
« Reply #64 on: December 09, 2013, 12:51:44 PM »
The Shrine of Spite...and she snuffed a cat...what a heart!

/

Did you ever have any fantasies about going Dillinger on that mess?  Talk about a tough impulse to quiet!

Yes.

If I had gone ahead and done the world a favor by removing her I would be out of jail by now.....and Random would still be alive.

Offline ChrstnHsbndFthr

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Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
« Reply #65 on: December 09, 2013, 01:08:59 PM »
The Shrine of Spite...and she snuffed a cat...what a heart!

/

Did you ever have any fantasies about going Dillinger on that mess?  Talk about a tough impulse to quiet!

Yes.

If I had gone ahead and done the world a favor by removing her I would be out of jail by now.....and Random would still be alive.

Oh my!  But, then again....I understand the feeling; just don't give in to it.
“My mission today is to go forth and tell people about why I follow Christ and also what the Bible teaches, and part of that teaching is that women and men are meant to be together.

“However, I would never treat anyone with disrespect just because they are different from me. We are all created by the Almighty and like Him, I love all of humanity. We would all be better off if we loved God and loved each other.”
Phil Robertson an elder in the church of Christ

Offline LadyVirginia

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Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
« Reply #66 on: December 09, 2013, 01:56:12 PM »

If I had gone ahead and done the world a favor by removing her I would be out of jail by now.....and Random would still be alive.

 ::grouphug::
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Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
« Reply #67 on: December 09, 2013, 06:59:49 PM »
The Shrine of Spite...and she snuffed a cat...what a heart!

/

Did you ever have any fantasies about going Dillinger on that mess?  Talk about a tough impulse to quiet!

Yes.

If I had gone ahead and done the world a favor by removing her I would be out of jail by now.....and Random would still be alive.

  Screw her and Random is still alive in our hearts. I watch the vid still every so often.
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Offline Libertas

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Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
« Reply #68 on: December 10, 2013, 06:55:16 AM »
The Shrine of Spite...and she snuffed a cat...what a heart!

/

Did you ever have any fantasies about going Dillinger on that mess?  Talk about a tough impulse to quiet!

Yes.

If I had gone ahead and done the world a favor by removing her I would be out of jail by now.....and Random would still be alive.

Aye, but you're a thinking feeling human...what was...was...sometimes the price for ones soul is too much, no matter what we think we might gain.  I honestly do not know for certain how I would react in the same situation.  But even at a young age I was rather analytical, and experience has shown that there are unpredictable results when we give in to impulse...and many of them do not include the good we hoped to acheive.   

I think everyone in our little family here at IAL would agree that we are all better for having you among us, no matter the circumstances that preceded it.  I like to think that regardless of past decisions made or unmade that that would always be true.

 ::grouphug::
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Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
« Reply #69 on: December 31, 2013, 02:05:41 AM »
On an entirely different note...

Me And BigFoot McGee

It was 1979. St Helens would blow her top in just under a year. My brother had heard of Bigfoot sightings in the heavy forested Gifford Pinchot Park surrounding the ancient volcano. We decided to throw our gear in the truck and mosey over that~a~way to see if we could spot us a critter or two. My brother was a martial arts instructor at the time. He convinced his Sensei to come along (it didn’t really take very much arm twisting to spike his interest) and so off into the mountains we went.

Spirit Lake was located at the foot of Mt. St. Helens about 150 miles from Seattle. Washington State has some gorgeous lakes and this was among the finest looking of the bunch. But it was a spooky place at the same time. The forest cover was thick and dark and chilly even on the warmest of days. There was something vaguely dark and foreboding about the park that made the hairs on your neck stand up. On the southwest side of the mountain was an area ominously called “Ape Canyon” where there had been many Bigfoot sightings over the years. That’s where we were headed!

We made good time and got to the lake in the mid afternoon. There were already long shadows in the camping area and the camping spots were positively gloomy! We found a suitable spot that wasn’t too far from the beach and started setting up our gear only to be met with rain. The canopy of trees kept the drops from hitting us for a long time and we cheered our good fortune at picking such a forgiving site.

My job got to be wood scrounge. We anticipated that finding deadwood would be difficult so we brought some firewood from home but it seems like you can never have enough wood when you’re camping so I sought out more to augment our stash.
The forest was thick with 100-foot firs and heavy underbrush that didn’t want to give up its treasures without a fight. It was dark by the time I had gathered a load of limbs and branches that looked like they might be persuaded to light off. I had also set a couple of caches of smaller stuff to return for at a later date. I was tired, bug-bitten and hungry!

Trudging toward the encampment and dragging my load, I could smell it long before I could spot it. The guys had gotten a fire going and dinner cooking. I unceremoniously dropped the load and dug into my gear. I wasn’t sure what to grab first, the bug-juice, the ointment for the nettle stinga, or a flashlight to see where I was going. I made my repairs and had some chow, then we drank beer and played guitars long into the night.

At some point Chet (the Sensei) decided to go exploring down the trail. Now mind you, it’s around midnight, there’s a soft rain falling, it is pitch black, and we’re not exactly conversant with the lay of the land. Perfect!

We go off down the trail in the opposite direction that we had come in figuring that the road would dead-end eventually. After getting out of sight of the campsite we extinguished the single flashlight Chet was carrying. I couldn’t see my hands right in front of my face! We stood there for a bit and let our eyes adjust to the darkness. Slowly features began to form before our eyes. In a minute or two we could see well enough to distinguish the path and off we went. We travelled on for about another 30 minutes before the two of them got bored with it (I was bored five minutes into it!) and turned around.  I have to say that I was thankful when we turned back when we did because I later discovered the road went another dozen miles into the forest. On the way in the two of them were chatterboxes, telling stories and generally bullsh*tting each other. On the way back out we just walked quietly, the only sounds coming from our footfalls and breathing.

At one point my brother asked me if I had grunted. I said no. He then asked me “what the hell other kind of noises are you making back there?” and I replied, “Screw your eyes out”. Then we heard more noises, muffled grunts, snorts, and sniffs. They would happen, then there would be nothing. We would stop in our tracks, peer into the black (seeing nothing of course) and listen intently for the sounds that would elude us. This went on for several minutes when I sensed the presence – and the hairs stood up stronger than they had earlier that afternoon. There was something there, just out of sight.

We stood silent, unmoving, not even daring to breathe it seemed forever (or about 30 seconds – whichever came first) and then a bear ambled up the trail and right up to us. It stopped about six feet away from us and sniffed our direction.
Chet threw on the flashlight and my brother shouted “Boo!” and the bear turned tail and sprinted away from us. I kept thinking that it was going to double back and attack us be we didn’t see it the rest of our way back to the camp. Much to our relief nothing had been molested at the campsite (even though we were remiss in packing up the cooking and eating utensils).  After warming up in front of the campfire I headed off to the tent and my sleeping bag.

A couple of hours later the rain returned, and this time in earnest. The canopy absorbed what it could and then started dribbling it down the trunk and onto the floor of the site. I woke up to find the tent floor and my sleeping bag soaking wet. I got up only to find that the fire was just about gone out and everything drenched. So I retreated to the truck and tried to find the driest part of my bag to keep me warm.

The next morning I had no desire to get up. I was cold-soaked, scratched up and swollen from gathering wood, and ready to give up and go home. The guys had other plans however. First they planned to scale the mountain. Then we would descend the back side and into Ape Canyon where we would “catch us a Bigfoot!” It was already past ten but they were certain that their plan was infallible.

At the time St. Helens was 9700 ft elevation and was the fifth-highest peak in Washington. It didn’t require climbing gear – a scramble was possible – but suitable gear meant better than cut-offs and Nike’s.  Unfortunately that’s all we had. We ate breakfast, packed lunches and headed out to the departure point for the climb.

Chet and my brother were in much better shape that I was but I was determined not to let it show. OK, it showed. But I was determined not to let it slow us down. OK, it slowed us down. But I was desperate not to piss n moan about it. It was probably three o’clock in the afternoon when we finally reached a point that we could claim that we had summited the peak (maybe it was and maybe it wasn’t but we were too tired to hike to the different points in order to tell which one was the highest).

Thankfully the guys abandoned their grand scheme to explore Ape Canyon – there simply wouldn’t be enough time. I tried to eat but was nauseous. I guess some folks have problems acclimatizing to heights and apparently I’m one of them. We enjoyed the sunny afternoon view and the spectacular scenery and then headed back down.

We made the parking lot in what seemed like only 30 minutes and now the guys were rethinking Ape Canyon. I told them “Thanks but no thanks” and that I’d just stay with the truck – which earned me being called “pansy”, “pussy”, and a couple of others. I didn’t care. I was done for the day.

We drove back to the camp, did a repeat of the first night (sans the bear) and then the following morning Chet announced that he had to return to Seattle. I never did understand if that had been his schedule all along or if something had changed his agenda for the trip. We broke camp and made a pact to return to explore the canyon. It never was to be.  Our trip had been a spur of the moment thing in late summer. Schedules never quite meshed again and the following year the mountain blew its top, erasing Ape Canyon and anything (or anyone) in its path.

Whether or not it had survived St. Helens, Bigfoot was safe from me.
« Last Edit: December 31, 2013, 02:09:48 AM by Alphabet Soup »

Offline Libertas

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Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
« Reply #70 on: January 01, 2014, 12:12:52 PM »
Heh.  I love camping stories!

I got two short ones.

First, I learned a long time ago as a kid (my parents were fond of pawning me off to various camping adventures, they said I would love it, I think they wanted a vacation from me) to bring a couple extra large plastic garbage bags, they fit around a sleeping bag real good and keep you dry and warm no matter how stupid a camping site your fellow travelers pick!  There was one trip where people found out the hard way I suck at cooking (dehydrated meals back then were a lot more finicky than they are now!), I'll gather wood, build a fire, whatever...don't want me cooking!

Second, went camping with my brother on the North Shore many moons ago.  My brother isn't as interested in camping than in showing off how much of his home he can put in the woods.  He had what I call the Taj Majal of tents.  Had a huge contraption connected to the back of his van which when the latter was opened up it revealed a massive traveling pantry.  All top-end multi-burner propane stove rig, cots and lamps and radios in the tent...he had it all.  I liked the food, the rest was overkill.  All I had was my trusted Eureka pup tent, sleeping bag (large garbage bag included in case my tent site was picked by an idiot!), flashlight, bug spray and a small pocket radio.  We retire to a campfire after dinner, he and his kids making smores and me drinking whatever adult beverage I brought...might have been scotch.  Then the rain drops came...and got bigger...we scramble for our respective tents.  Massive torrential thunder and lightning storm, went on for hours...could hear water rushing by my tent...I was on a slight incline with the slope going from head to foot.  I stayed dry the whole night, didn't need the backup garbage bag even though I had it deployed.  Storm abated by 3-4 am, and I got about 5 more hours sleep and was fine.  I get up and pay the Taj Majal a visit and in looks battered and soggy...leaks from above and rivers of water going through it...van was packed with crabby half-soaked parents and kids.  All I wanted to know was when breakfast was coming?
 ;D
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Offline oldcoastie6468

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Online Weisshaupt

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Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
« Reply #72 on: January 01, 2014, 01:00:50 PM »
 Hints for enjoying Camping ( most of which are obvious, but so many seem to have problems with them)

1)  You are better off sleeping on a  slight incline than in a flat spot in a gully. 

2) Your Tent should not take more than 10  minutes to set up, and if it takes more or involves cursing, Get a new tent. .  I have used the same   2 person, 3 season "instant popup" NorthFace flashlight  tent for years now. You don't take the poles out of the grommets. You pretty much spread it out, hook the poles together and the thing is up in 5 minutes

3)  Fold your ground cover under the tent edges so it doesn't collect and pull water under the tent.

4) A a sleeping bag out of flannel and use it inside your sleeping bag.  This will keep you at least 50% warmer and you will sleep better as you will be unaware as you shift positions in the sleeping bag to a "cold spot" - it also makes it way easier to keep the bag clean since 90% of your sweat and smell end up on the flannel . A good thermarest type  mattress never goes wrong either.

5) Always hang sleeping bags in a closet for storage - never leave them in the stuff sack longer than required so they their loft and therefore usefulness.

6) Make sure you have a flashlight on you as you grab a plate for  dinner.  You probably don't need it -yet, but you will

7) Adequate gear - good sleeping bag,  long underwear, warm socks, boots, coats, rain gear, and hats, sunglasses, bug spray and sunscreen, are required.   90% of the time people who say they don't enjoy camping were forced on a trip without these items, and ended up simply being uncomfortable.

8) If your sunscreen freezes, its no good. ( found that one out the hard way)

9) if your pack weighs more than 50lbs,  you have too much in it. When back backing realize that you don't need more than one change of clothes, and that you really don't need a lot of the items you think you need. 

10) If the situation allows,  bring a second  tent or structure ( think large tarp)  large enough to keep rain of your entire party, and a deck of cards.  A rainy afternoon can be made much more fun in this fashion ( Colorado Trail crews always had a "community tent" - often a large canvas hunters tent, equipped with  a shepherd's stove, and without it those crews would have been far less fun on stormy days)

11) If the situation allows, pack a treat  that isn't supposed to be there. Say Ice Cream in dry ice ( or ice cream  maker that works with snow)  even if all you can produce for everyone is 2-3 bites. - Its amazing how much this will lift everyone spirits on the 3rd or fourth day of a trip, especially if they had no idea it would be forthcoming - not to mention that everything tastes better in the wild after a day of good exercise.

12) However much fun you think it is at the time, drinking Scotch at altitude and hiking (still mildly drunk)  early in the morning is not a great idea.

Offline oldcoastie6468

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Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
« Reply #73 on: January 01, 2014, 01:11:19 PM »
And always drink upstream of the herd.
U.S. Coast Guard veteran, 1964-1968

Will Rogers never met Barack Obama. He would not like Obama.

I hate liberals. Liberalism is a disease that causes severe brain damage after it tries to suck knowledge and history out of yours.

Offline Libertas

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Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
« Reply #74 on: January 01, 2014, 01:49:44 PM »
 ::hysterical::
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Offline LadyVirginia

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Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
« Reply #75 on: January 01, 2014, 11:42:41 PM »
I have such fond memories of camping as a kid.  Sometimes we wouldn't even go that far away--an hour or two away and set up for the weekend and just hang out. Loved it when it rained and we'd just pass the hours reading and playing board games. And food tastes better outdoors!

My dh's father built a 2nd home (not a cabin, A HOME) in the mountains when dh was a kid (in the same mountain range I grew up camping in lol).

So I'll just say I'd never camp with my dh.   ;D
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Offline oldcoastie6468

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Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
« Reply #76 on: January 01, 2014, 11:54:17 PM »
We'd drive the first 1000 miles (to Denver, Sheridan, Amarillo, Rapid City, etc.) and then shunpike it and camp until we were ready to go home. Our hearts have always been out in the western states.

We did, however, also camp in VT, ME, and NB & Nova Scotia in Canada one year. Also in Ontario Provincial Park in Ontario, CAN.
U.S. Coast Guard veteran, 1964-1968

Will Rogers never met Barack Obama. He would not like Obama.

I hate liberals. Liberalism is a disease that causes severe brain damage after it tries to suck knowledge and history out of yours.

Offline LadyVirginia

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Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
« Reply #77 on: January 02, 2014, 11:03:30 AM »
One time we crossed over into Canada looking for camp ground my mom had read about. There was no border crossing we just drove and eventually realized we were in Canada.  Anyway, we find it --a road into a foresty area (I believe there was a sign saying it was a park of some kind)and it's late and no one seems to be at this place and the road was fairly undeveloped. It was in a forest and it began to dawn on us that maybe this place wasn't really open yet but we're thinking "so what" we can still camp.  Until my mom saw a fox run across the road.  That was it.  Made dad turn around and we got back on the main highway and drove until we saw a motel. lol For liking camping mom wasn't much for nature*.   ::whatgives::


*we used to camp in the Blue Ridge all the time. I guess mom preferred to believe nature wasn't around us.
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Offline oldcoastie6468

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Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
« Reply #78 on: January 02, 2014, 03:00:21 PM »
When we camped at Theodore Roosevelt National Park in North Dakota, a large HERD of buffalo (more correctly "bison") wandered through the campground. The bulls were in no mood for anything but sex, since they were in "rut." Most of the campers just got in their cars or RVs and let the animals do their thing - lasted about 1/2 hour. No damage, no problems.
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Will Rogers never met Barack Obama. He would not like Obama.

I hate liberals. Liberalism is a disease that causes severe brain damage after it tries to suck knowledge and history out of yours.

Offline Libertas

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Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
« Reply #79 on: January 03, 2014, 07:01:08 AM »
When we camped at Theodore Roosevelt National Park in North Dakota, a large HERD of buffalo (more correctly "bison") wandered through the campground. The bulls were in no mood for anything but sex, since they were in "rut." Most of the campers just got in their cars or RVs and let the animals do their thing - lasted about 1/2 hour. No damage, no problems.

At least your vehicle was not in season!   ::hysterical::

IIRC from there all out to Yellowstone is like Prarie Dog heaven...little devils everywhere, and bold little beggers at rest stops!

In Yellowstone I remember driving the pickup slowly so as to not spook the big shaggy going the worng way on the oncoming side of the road...independent cuss held up traffic all across the bridge...nice view of him as we slowly passed...I was the only one who made it across.
 ;D
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