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Author Topic: The End Game - Want the DVD?  (Read 1097 times)

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Offline oldcoastie6468

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The End Game - Want the DVD?
« on: December 04, 2013, 11:17:28 AM »
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Column: Local man selling DVD of his colonoscopy

By Jon Dawson / Columnist
Published: Monday, December 2, 2013 at 20:21 PM.

Last week, I dropped my trousers for my first-ever colonoscopy.

Most people are advised by their doctors to start getting intimately acquainted with a camera by the age of 50. But due to some family medical history, I was advised to let a doctor act out his Federico Fellini fantasies on my undercarriage by the age of 40.

Since I turn 41 in January, I decided to literally get on the stick.

Everyone who has gone through this procedure says the worst part is the prep you go through the day and night before. You’re not allowed to eat anything the day before, so it’s a day of drinking nothing but water. Starting at 5 p.m. the day before the procedure, you have to drink what is essentially Drano for People.

Thankfully, I’m as regular as a Jay Leno monologue so this wasn’t too traumatic.

As a matter of fact, aside from the first evacuation that rivaled that of Cambodia in 1975, the rest of the evening was oddly reminiscent of the Old Faithful cone geyser in Wyoming. As for the exact amount of force being unleashed, I wasn’t able to record too much data as I was busy holding on to the sink in order to keep from slamming my head on the ceiling.

My father picked me up at 6:30 a.m. that fateful Tuesday morning. Although I’d been as empty as John Goodman’s lettuce crisper for over 11 hours, there were still sporadic outbursts of tsunamic activity at 5 a.m. and 6 a.m. I was concerned that something untoward might happen en route to the doctor.

 ::exitstageleft::


http://www.kinston.com/news/local/column-local-man-selling-dvd-of-his-colonoscopy-1.243253?page=0
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Offline Libertas

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Re: The End Game - Want the DVD?
« Reply #1 on: December 04, 2013, 11:26:21 AM »
I had one not too long ago...I described the preliminary purge as something akin to multiple volcanic erruptions of a demonic nature...

The actual procedure was NOTHING!

No happy gas, no need for air (apparently I had plenty, but never trumpeted anything) and certainly no DVD at my request...(seriously, a DVD?  WTF?!).
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Offline oldcoastie6468

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Re: The End Game - Want the DVD?
« Reply #2 on: December 04, 2013, 11:34:21 AM »
Quote from: Libertas on December 04, 2013, 11:26:21 AM
I had one not too long ago...I described the preliminary purge as something akin to multiple volcanic erruptions of a demonic nature...

The actual procedure was NOTHING!

No happy gas, no need for air (apparently I had plenty, but never trumpeted anything) and certainly no DVD at my request...(seriously, a DVD?  WTF?!).

I've had a couple of 'em, and agree with most of what you said. But now they changed over to an OTC product (forgot the name) replacing that crap you had to drink all at once 2 or 3 times the day before (a foul tasting product if ever there was one). Talk about feeling bloated!

I wasn't offered a DVD, though. Should I change doctors?  ::gaah::  ::saywhat::  ::rimshot::
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U.S. Coast Guard veteran, 1964-1968

Will Rogers never met Barack Obama. He would not like Obama.

I hate liberals. Liberalism is a disease that causes severe brain damage after it tries to suck knowledge and history out of yours.

Offline Dan

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Re: The End Game - Want the DVD?
« Reply #3 on: December 04, 2013, 11:35:59 AM »
I say, if you like your video, you can keep it!
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Offline oldcoastie6468

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Re: The End Game - Want the DVD?
« Reply #4 on: December 04, 2013, 11:42:07 AM »
Quote from: Dan on December 04, 2013, 11:35:59 AM
I say, if you like your video, you can keep it!


 ::pullhair:: ::pullhair:: ::pullhair:: ::pullhair:: ::pullhair:: ANOTHER LIE!!!!   ::hysterical::
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U.S. Coast Guard veteran, 1964-1968

Will Rogers never met Barack Obama. He would not like Obama.

I hate liberals. Liberalism is a disease that causes severe brain damage after it tries to suck knowledge and history out of yours.

Offline Libertas

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Re: The End Game - Want the DVD?
« Reply #5 on: December 04, 2013, 11:54:36 AM »
 ::laughonfloor::
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Online Pandora

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Re: The End Game - Want the DVD?
« Reply #6 on: December 04, 2013, 04:36:25 PM »
Eww.  That's TMI right there.
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Offline AlanS

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Re: The End Game - Want the DVD?
« Reply #7 on: December 04, 2013, 06:18:31 PM »
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