It's About Liberty: A Conservative Forum

Forum Business => Member Original Diaries => Topic started by: Alphabet Soup on October 30, 2013, 11:38:08 PM

Title: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Alphabet Soup on October 30, 2013, 11:38:08 PM
OK, I decided that it was unfair to hijack JF's excellent gun-porn thread so I am starting an on-going thread where I can post my crap. Please don't feel any need to respond - or even read it. Like I said this is a way for me to chase off some old ghosts.

I warn you - there may be significant toxicity ahead...

(http://i1098.photobucket.com/albums/g369/J-reb/radio-active-caution_zps91047d94.jpg)
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: LadyVirginia on October 30, 2013, 11:43:20 PM

I always tell the kids when something happens that's not good--make sure you at least get a story out of it you can use LOL
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Alphabet Soup on October 30, 2013, 11:50:19 PM
Fitted to be tied

This is about my ex-wife, and kinda about my brother, but mostly about fitted sheets.
Have you ever tried to fold a fitted sheet? Admit it – most folks sorta fold away at it but mostly just wad it up so it will fit on the shelf. Sure – we always start off with the best of intentions but the damned things just don’t take to being pleated.

But let’s step back for just a moment because it just would be fun if I didn’t properly set the stage.

In one of my dumber decisions I didn’t close on my house until after I was married. Since I foolishly held the antiquated notion that things like marriage were supposed to be forever I didn’t spend much time figuring the angles – or protecting my flank. As a result the house purchased with my money and my credit and my sweat equity became our  little (community property) love nest.

My house wasn’t the prettiest but it was graced with a huge lot (for a mature suburban neighborhood) that was large enough to boast a separate driveway on two streets and a massive freestanding garage. There was seemingly endless room for projects and playgrounds and still plenty to share. For a guy just starting out (or staring over) it held the promise of being a safe haven and a good place to put down roots. Too bad it wasn’t to be.
When her brother lost his apartment we let him crash at our place for a month (or three). At a later time I had a brother who needed the same opportunity and we set him up in his trailer on a corner of the lot where he could come and go as he pleased. I got no pushback from her – as a matter of fact she took pains to allow as how it was a “great idea” so I thought everything was cool. Man am I thick sometimes!

But what about the sheets?!
OK, hold your horses, I’m getting to it.

Having my brother around the place was working out real well. He was there when the kids came home from school. He helped cut wood for the fireplace. And since we had always been close it was convenient to conversation. All was not well in Tinytown however. The Moody One had been especially bitchy of late but since she was so inclined so often how was one to tell?

One of her particular rituals was doing the laundry. We had talked at times about farming some of the duty out to the kids now that they were getting older but she was of the opinion that they would just “F it up”. After a while I noticed that she held that opinion about nearly every endeavor that represented normal chores for kids. It wasn’t that she didn’t want them to work – it was that her minimum standard threshold was far too high for mere mortals (like children) to ever reach. So she did the laundry herself (apparently I failed to hit the mark either ;’)

When a load of clothes were finished drying she would haul them out into the living room (even though we had a table in the utility room) and fold them. As she would fold she would pile things up on the sofa. Including the fitted sheets that (apparently) she was the only person in the world who could correctly fold. And there they would stay. For days sometimes. Now I came from a large family of modest means and things like furniture were meant to be used – as furniture. But in our little hutch furniture was meant as object lessons. I had a rocking chair that was a hand~me~down from my folks and my favorite. She had a La-Z-Boy armchair that her mother bought for her – and that no one else could sit in. So when she used the sofa as a utility table that meant that there was no place for the kids to sit. Or guests for that matter (it’s funny how obvious all of this is in hindsight).

Dunderhead that I am it took my brother patiently pointing out what was so obvious to him and oblivious to me. This was a passive-aggressive game she was playing. One meant to make people uncomfortable and to drive them away but one done so casually and surreptitiously that we weren’t supposed to recognize that we were being played.

I was dubious so he said, “OK, just watch” and he walked over to the sofa and carefully rearranged a few piles of clothes. Only a few and only a tiny movement. I shook my head skeptically. “No one is that petty” I protested. But deep down I was already on the cusp of the truth.

That afternoon (my brother since departed from the scene She came home. It was only about five minutes before she started having a fit. “Who’s been messing with the laundry?! She thundered (is it still laundry once it’s been washed, dried, and folded?). She angrily summoned the kids out from their homework detail to interrogate them. When I saw how strident she was I took the blame saying that I had bumped into the sofa while carrying something.

“What were you carrying?!” She demanded.
“Oh, I had a box of car parts” I lied.
“Where are they now?!” She persisted.
“I took them out to the garage” I invented.

From her look I could tell that she didn’t believe me but she let it drop. I couldn’t believe that anyone would/could ever notice something that minuscule but I had just been presented with a valuable object lesson. And my main concern was shielding the children from her wrath.

Later my brother returned (while She was away of course) to validate his thesis. “I don’t know how you saw it coming but you were right” I reluctantly admitted.

“Watch this” he says and goes out through the kitchen and into the utility room. There he showed me the washing machine. “You see this?” he asked, pointing into the machine, “She has taken to locking up the machine by leaving laundry in it. “I’ve been taking her clothes out so I can do my laundry, putting hers back in afterwards, and running a rinse cycle to disguise the fact”.

As a test he reached into the washer and stirred the clothes about – just a little.
Sure enough, we had another 4-alarm emergency meeting when she got home that afternoon. How does she do that?! Does she go around memorizing the placement of every bit of flotsam in the entire house?

In another conversation my brother insisted, “I know that you’re busy trying to work and take care of the kids and go to school” he said, “but she’s maneuvering to get you out of the house. She’s withdrawn any interest in civility with me and doesn’t want me here anymore. What’s more, she doesn’t want you here anymore either. She’s setting traps for me, for you, and for the kids. I’ll get out just as quickly as I can but you know I’m still not working so I have nowhere to go. Watch your ass”.

To be continued…
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Pandora on October 30, 2013, 11:56:23 PM
Wait, WAIT!  I have to hit the bathroom and refill my wineglass ......

Okay, go!

.............

Whaaat?!  Hey, c'mon don't leave us hangin'.

(grumblegrumble I hate two-parters grumblegrumble)
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: LadyVirginia on October 31, 2013, 12:01:43 AM
I was about to go to bed and I just had to click on show unread posts... ::facepalm::

Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: ChrstnHsbndFthr on October 31, 2013, 01:05:38 AM
ummm...UH OH... !
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: RickZ on October 31, 2013, 01:15:35 AM
Oh good, a serial bitch fest.  I see a book deal in your future, Soup, a 'how not to'.

And as far as folding fitted sheets go, I don't see the problem.  Put both long side corners together one inside the other, insert hands to mesh them together, lay on bed, straighten/align sides and top into a rectangle, then fold as normal.  By the time I'm done folding the sheets and pillow cases, I have a bundle that can be stacked in a closet.  Pulling out a bundle gives you all you need to change the bedding.  My sister taught me that when I stayed with her one summer, just turned 13.  Always stuck with me.

(The things you can find on the interwebz.)

http://www.squidoo.com/how-to-fold-fitted-sheets (http://www.squidoo.com/how-to-fold-fitted-sheets)

How to Fold A Fitted Sheet (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Z5k9nWcuFc#)

Regarding your brother, it always takes an outsider to point out the obvious in relationships.  I had a similar, but nowhere near as petty, experience.  But my friends were too cowardly to tell me.
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: IronDioPriest on October 31, 2013, 02:20:21 AM
I can't wait until the axe part...

 ::popcorn::
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Libertas on October 31, 2013, 06:46:25 AM
Screw folding fitted sheets, the wad works just fine.

Is that why I am still single?!   ;D

Oh well, ain't gonna change now...   ::lalanotlistening:: 
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: RickZ on October 31, 2013, 07:07:26 AM
Screw folding fitted sheets, the wad works just fine.

Is that why I am still single?!   ;D

Oh well, ain't gonna change now...   ::lalanotlistening::

I do believe that screwing fitted sheets might be why you're single.  Just a guess, though.
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: LadyVirginia on October 31, 2013, 08:46:48 AM
I admit it. I actually watched the video.
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: AlanS on October 31, 2013, 08:54:05 AM
I have to admit, I didn't know how to fold fitted sheets until my lovely bride taught me. While single, I just washed, dried, and put 'em back on the bed. Why fold? ::pimp::

So when's the next installment? ::deercorn::
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: LadyVirginia on October 31, 2013, 09:01:04 AM
So when's the next installment? ::deercorn::

Maybe he's waiting until we're thoroughly done discussing laundry folding and sheets and whatever Libertas does with them.  ;D
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: AmericanPatriot on October 31, 2013, 09:37:28 AM
After the comments about Libertas' sheet work, I think I need eye bleach
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Libertas on October 31, 2013, 11:15:03 AM
I'm outta sheet.
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Alphabet Soup on October 31, 2013, 07:28:30 PM
Halloween - 2013

I never understood why people who don't like kids have kids. And why are they so much more possessive when it comes to the little people they have so much contempt and disdain for. I was pretty ham-fisted as a parent but I sure did love the company of the little squirts.

I think of all the holidays, Random liked Halloween the best. Random went on her first trick or treat when she was just twelve days old. Her Uncle and I bundled her up and carried her around the neighborhood with her sisters. For reasons that always eluded me Random's mother liked holidays - especially Halloween - but not the "having kids around" part of it. She was always impatient with kids, starting with her own, and generally could be counted on to spoil the event for all concerned. In all the years I knew her she never once took the kids trick~or~treating. She couldn't be bothered. I on the other hand, relished the chance to see the excitement and unadulterated joy on their faces and consequently was blessed with the honor of taking Random and her sisters out almost every Halloween after that first one.

There's an awkward phase in the enjoyment of Halloween. A time when you become too old to trick or treat, but you're not old enough to party. Most communities don't make much of an accommodation for this period and it's frustrating for the kids. I know that it was for Random. I know that she tried to hide the disappointment that came with the change of circumstance by showing an air of indifference, but I could see that she was hurting with the kind of ache no band-aid could cover.

I always thought that her love of all things Halloween was the inspiration for her fascination with horror and monster movies, Pokemon, and eventually the interlude she took with goth and alternative styles. Random really didn't like the life she saw unfolding around her. Too often it seemed cruel, cold, and indifferent. So she took refuge in fantasy. In make believe she could, at least for a moment, be someone she admired. It was an escape from her unhappiness, and I guess I was OK with it because it did my heart good to see her happy.

Happy Halloween Random - I love you

(http://i1098.photobucket.com/albums/g369/J-reb/1994-Random_zpsae97c0cf.jpg)

(if you were looking for part II - It's still in the works)
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: RickZ on October 31, 2013, 07:40:41 PM
I'm outta sheet.

So you don't cotton to sheets.  Must be one of those rich elitist 'born onto the silk' babies.
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: LadyVirginia on October 31, 2013, 09:38:09 PM
Happy Halloween Random - I love you

 <hugs>
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Weisshaupt on October 31, 2013, 09:48:00 PM
Don't know how to fold fitted sheets. Neither of us care.  Yea.  I win :)


Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Libertas on November 01, 2013, 06:46:18 AM
I'm outta sheet.

So you don't cotton to sheets.  Must be one of those rich elitist 'born onto the silk' babies.

Heh, not quite..tried that silk tough...

Remember that scene in NL Christmas Vacation when Griswald puts his super spray on his saucer and slides down the hill at Warp 12?

 ::unknowncomic::
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Libertas on November 01, 2013, 06:47:56 AM
Happy Halloween Random - I love you

 <hugs>

Gul-durnit...got something in my eye...

Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Libertas on November 01, 2013, 06:48:39 AM
Don't know how to fold fitted sheets. Neither of us care.  Yea.  I win :)

 ::hysterical::

Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: AlanS on November 01, 2013, 07:53:43 AM
I'm outta sheet.

So you don't cotton to sheets.  Must be one of those rich elitist 'born onto the silk' babies.

I'm gonna have to call bull sheet.
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: KittenClaws on November 07, 2013, 10:31:53 PM
Dang! No wonder she's your ex-wife.

What is wrong with women who have unrealistic expectations of their men  - or who allow men to have unrealistic expectations of them?

You know how I fold sheets? I carefully bring all of the corners together, then roll the whole mess in to a wad that will fit in the linen closet. Who cares?


Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Pandora on November 07, 2013, 11:09:50 PM
Well, I do.  I hate it, but there it is.  Same thing applies to t-shirts with the side-seams that twist.  Argh.

Y'all can do as you like with your own sheets in your own houses, but this is how we do it in mine.
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: LadyVirginia on November 08, 2013, 12:43:31 PM
The bed has to be made.  The folding of sheets I don't care about so much.  I have 2 sets. So one's in the closet so how ever it's folded doesn't matter much to me; it only takes up a small space as it is. My oldest is the one that's obsessed with properly folded laundry.  She was sitting with me one day and refolded it all when I was done.
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: KittenClaws on November 15, 2013, 09:53:44 PM
Well, I do.  I hate it, but there it is.  Same thing applies to t-shirts with the side-seams that twist.  Argh.

Y'all can do as you like with your own sheets in your own houses, but this is how we do it in mine.

Oh, you didn't mention T-Shirts did you?

Early in my marriage, my husband walked into the room holding one of his work t-shirts in his hand. "Honey" he says to me "you missed a spot on this t-shirt".

"A spot? What spot?" I ask.

With great aplomb, my husband held the T-shirt before my eyes and said "This one right here".

"Where?"

"Here!"

"Hold it up to the light, honey...I can't see it"

"Are you blind? Do you need a cane to walk or what? It's right here, see it?"

I saw it then. Looked like a little grease spot, maybe 1/8 of an inch circumference.

I said "sorry that didn't come out, but I'm sure no one will notice"

Not good enough for my beloved, he pursues the matter.

"Did you use Zout?" ( a pre-treater)

"Well, no. It IS a work shirt right? Don't you have, like, one thousand of them?"

There is a lot of back and forth about stains and pre-treating. About looking your best regardless of how you are dressed. About, it's just a damn t-shirt, throw it away if there is a spot.

Really. Is a 7  dollar T worth my time to pre treat..not just pre-treat, but use a laundry brush to scrub the stain?

I think not. 

"Honey" I said. " I am not going to pretreat a dang T-shirt. My standards tell me it is not worth the effort, if yours say otherwise then pre treat to your hearts content."

At that time I wished my husbands name was Al, because "Anal Al" has such a nice ring to it.

And yes, he does pre treat his own t shirts.





Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: IronDioPriest on November 15, 2013, 10:15:08 PM
And yes, he does pre treat his own t shirts.

Heh. I pre-treat my own too. Every damn time I fry bacon. I've thought of an apron, but somehow I always think I can outsmart the splatter.
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: KittenClaws on November 15, 2013, 10:29:41 PM
And yes, he does pre treat his own t shirts.

Heh. I pre-treat my own too. Every damn time I fry bacon. I've thought of an apron, but somehow I always think I can outsmart the splatter.

You pre-treat your tshirts? Another one!

Cue the picture of Donald Sutherland at the end of "invasion of the body snatchers".

Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Alphabet Soup on November 15, 2013, 11:27:04 PM
And yes, he does pre treat his own t shirts.

Heh. I pre-treat my own too. Every damn time I fry bacon. I've thought of an apron, but somehow I always think I can outsmart the splatter.

Fry nekkid?
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Pandora on November 16, 2013, 02:22:25 AM
And yes, he does pre treat his own t shirts.

Heh. I pre-treat my own too. Every damn time I fry bacon. I've thought of an apron, but somehow I always think I can outsmart the splatter.

Feh.  Cook it in the dang oven.  Disposable aluminum tray w/crumpled tinfoil on the bottom to keep the bacon up/out the grease.  Splatter's in the oven, not on the stovetop and the self-clean takes care of it (when ready).

----------

About stained clothing -- Gunsmith works in the garage on multiple projects, all dirty.  Sometimes filthy.  I wash those clothes, I don't worry about stains.  They're clean, but stained.  Tough.

Clothes have a hierarchy.  If you're doing something in a t-shirt you'd like to keep unstained, change your clothes first.  Once they're stained, they're okay for wearing around the house or for dirtier work, period.  Anything you want to wear out, don't wear for working in.
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: IronDioPriest on November 16, 2013, 08:13:55 AM
And yes, he does pre treat his own t shirts.

Heh. I pre-treat my own too. Every damn time I fry bacon. I've thought of an apron, but somehow I always think I can outsmart the splatter.

Fry nekkid?

 ::thinking:: OUCH!
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: AlanS on November 16, 2013, 08:51:02 AM
So when is the next installment? ::popcorn::

Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Libertas on November 16, 2013, 10:26:07 AM
And yes, he does pre treat his own t shirts.

Heh. I pre-treat my own too. Every damn time I fry bacon. I've thought of an apron, but somehow I always think I can outsmart the splatter.

Fry nekkid?

 ::thinking:: OUCH!

Hope the drapes are closed!   ::hysterical::
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Predator Don on November 16, 2013, 02:30:59 PM
What's pre treat?
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Libertas on November 16, 2013, 05:16:55 PM
What's pre treat?

Sweets before dinner?   ;D
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Alphabet Soup on November 16, 2013, 08:52:35 PM
What's pre treat?

I think it means to use a stain remover on the article of clothing before you drop it in the wash. But what do I know - I can't even fold fitted sheets.

 :o
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Alphabet Soup on November 16, 2013, 08:54:35 PM
So when is the next installment? ::popcorn::



Sorry, my piece~o~crap job tends to drain most of my life-energy outta me. And today was Bluegrass.
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: AlanS on November 17, 2013, 01:50:25 AM
So when is the next installment? ::popcorn::



Sorry, my piece~o~crap job tends to drain most of my life-energy outta me. And today was Bluegrass.

Foggy Mountain Breakdown?
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: John Florida on November 17, 2013, 06:54:03 PM
  I jusyt asked the wife if she knows how to fols a fitted sheet and of course Mrs. I know everything does and yes she pretreats and a stain in anything just drives her to distraction.

   Since I don't give a crap about stains I will leave the house in anything I happen to have on at the time which freacks her out because she feels it reflects on her.

   I on the other hand don't care what a world full of people that don't know me or I them think about the damned stain on a T SHIRT.

  She's tried for 41 years to get abudge out of me on that but so far I wear whatever I have on to any damned place I need to go.


   Soup I'm hanging here type something already!!
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: ChrstnHsbndFthr on November 17, 2013, 11:09:30 PM
  I jusyt asked the wife if she knows how to fols a fitted sheet and of course Mrs. I know everything does and yes she pretreats and a stain in anything just drives her to distraction.

   Since I don't give a crap about stains I will leave the house in anything I happen to have on at the time which freacks her out because she feels it reflects on her.

   I on the other hand don't care what a world full of people that don't know me or I them think about the damned stain on a T SHIRT.

  She's tried for 41 years to get abudge out of me on that but so far I wear whatever I have on to any damned place I need to go.


   Soup I'm hanging here type something already!!

I think my wife pronounced my current shirt dead last night. I managed to save it one more day by wearing it to Sunday services too, but it was endangered on Saturday night, when she spotted a stain...or noticed a stained spot....whatever....I lose more shirts this way. On the other hand, the sauce was good
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: LadyVirginia on November 18, 2013, 11:09:15 AM
I've never really understood all the angst that accompanies laundry. 
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Libertas on November 18, 2013, 11:18:01 AM
Kinda like the obsession over dirt...I never got overly concerned over that...and then I started noticing Democrats...
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: John Florida on November 24, 2013, 03:45:53 PM
  Soup are you done?  ::whatgives::
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Alphabet Soup on November 29, 2013, 11:17:18 PM
“You what?!”

“I said I don’t like turkey so we’re not having it for Thanksgiving!”
 
What a way to start the holiday. My mom loved food. She loved cooking and she loved eating, and she loved to see her family enjoy a meal. I don’t think that there was a food she didn’t like, including some stuff I considered truly revolting. My dad was a meat & potatoes kind of guy. Give him a meatloaf and mashed potatoes and he was in heaven. I fall somewhere in between but lean way nearer to my mom. When my mom took an oriental cooking class we (teenaged) kids eagerly looked forward to her bringing her homework home to the table. It was neat to try new things and even if they weren’t exactly exotic they seemed exotic to our palates.

And I knew enough about kids – including remembering back to being a kid – to know what finicky eaters they can be. And fickle too. They can rave about a dish one time and then turn their nose up at the very mention of it ever afterward. They can want Mac & Cheese for every meal for a month and then never want to see it again. And mostly they can reject the very notion of a food without ever having sampled it. Kids are susceptible to (negative) suggestion so responsible people don’t go out of their way to “poison the well” by needlessly building in biases against food.

The thing that irritated me most was that she went out of her way to teach and encourage her food bigotry to our kids. She would mock and taunt them whenever they ate something that she didn’t like. She would tell them that they (or anyone else out of earshot) were “stupid” to like something she didn’t like. Apparently the whole world was screwed up when it came to food, and she was the balanced one – or so she would have you believe.

I never met anyone (before or since) who was more finicky about food than she was. Food, condiments, preparation, presentation, anything and everything having to do with food. I could tell you about her dislikes but it is (almost) easier to simply list would she would eat. As I said my dad had a limited repertoire of food but the difference between the two of them was that he didn’t choose to visit his limitations on the rest of us. She did – routinely.

At one point after high school she took a summer job in a pickle factory. As a result she wouldn’t allow pickles in the house because she couldn’t stand the smell of the brine. Vinegar made her gag so it had to be kept out in the garage. Same with lemon. Even though you couldn’t smell the contents of a sealed container the mere presence would trigger the gag reflex.
So she didn’t like turkey (what else was news?!). Why was it such a big deal? Because if she didn’t want it then we didn’t have it. It didn’t matter what anyone else wanted, liked, or could eat. If she didn’t like it, it would never be on our table.

Instead we typically had a pork roast or ham. Of course I had no objection to those entrées – but I was raised to have turkey at Thanksgiving and anything less felt like robbery.

It didn’t stop with the turkey (of course). Corn and green beans were the only vegetables she would eat. Both had to be S&W canned brand - frozen “tasted funny” and any other brands were simply “gross” in her estimation. Any other vegetable was summarily dismissed as disgusting. There was never any experimentation – ever. If there wasn’t a McD’s or a Burger King around she would go hungry. I prefer Coke but if I’m in the mood for a soda I’ll drink (almost) anything. For her it was Dr. Pepper or she did without. And it had to be ice cold. Anything less and she did without. No ice – if it was served with ice she sent it back. Oh, and a straw. God help you if you served her a drink without a straw. We kept a case of straws in the cupboard so she wouldn’t be without. The bendy kind.  I was indifferent to them and the kids weren’t allowed to use them  so they were for her exclusive use (except for when she would go out in which case I’d let the kids have one).

She didn’t like milk so the kids didn’t get milk. They had the audacity to refuse to eat cereal in water (yechh!) so she would make them eat toast for breakfast. I discovered these individual portions of oatmeal and those were allowed (thank God!).

Like I said, presentation counted as much as content. Foods must not touch. If they somehow came into contact the plate was immediately scraped and she would start over. Foods had to be consumed individually and completely. She wouldn’t touch anything else on her plate until the salad was completely gone. Then the vegetable. Then the mashed potatoes. Then the meat. She would invariably drink 21/2 glasses of water with a typical meal. She was afraid of chemicals in the water so we always had bottled water (for her). Casseroles were verboten because she couldn’t tell what might be in them – and the notion of all those different kinds of food touching one another must have been unnerving.

The ameliorating factor came with being in a large family. That meant that quite often we spent the holiday with one family or another (sometimes shuttling between households in order not to slight anyone). I took a small cruel pleasure at her ill-ease during these outings because my family was normal and so was most of hers. So when we visited she was stifled (ever so slightly). She still would sneer at family members and criticize their food preferences but it was a lot more subdued.

For our little family the celebration of Thanksgiving usually came as an acknowledgement that we had endured another one without a major blow-up.

Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: RickZ on November 30, 2013, 02:04:25 AM
There was never any experimentation – ever.

Foods must not touch.

Okay, those two comments stuck out.

I have a pretty tasty Brussels sprouts recipe I created.  (Talk to LV about that one.)  My ex would never allow me to alter that recipe in any way, nor allow me to cook Brussels sprouts in any other way.  Sometimes I felt like a short order cook who had to recreate recipes exactly while my inclination is to be freewheeling in the kitchen, a place and a time to be creative.  Boring versus adventurous.  Boy do I understand that.  I'll try anything once, and if I like it I'll have it again (grilled cow stomach, e.g., which I thought would be gross but was actually quite delicious, almost grilled calamari-like in texture; the beef lung I wasn't so thrilled with).

As for the food not touching nonsense, I empathize.  That is childish behavior and would drive me crazy.  How do you make decent Chinese without different foods touching each other?  I thought I had it bad, but your stories take the cake (with or without ice cream touching the cake).

I also feel bad for your kids.  Not having milk?  With cereal?  For some reason, I've known quite a few women who do not like milk (maybe they thinks it's cannibalism?), yet women need the calcium as they are more prone to osteoporosis than men are; I still guzzle milk to this day.  And who needs a glass for milk?  That's what the carton is for.  When I was working, I used to keep a quart of milk (half gallon in the summer) in the little fridge in our department, even though there was free milk for the coffee in the 'kitchen' serving our floor.  Why?  Because I drank a lot of milk and didn't think it was appropriate to drink the coffee milk; I felt like a thief if I did that.
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: AlanS on November 30, 2013, 08:40:48 AM
Seems to me she leads a miserable existence and wants to spread the misery to others.

PROGRESSIVE!
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: John Florida on November 30, 2013, 06:48:23 PM
“You what?!”

“I said I don’t like turkey so we’re not having it for Thanksgiving!”
 
What a way to start the holiday. My mom loved food. She loved cooking and she loved eating, and she loved to see her family enjoy a meal. I don’t think that there was a food she didn’t like, including some stuff I considered truly revolting. My dad was a meat & potatoes kind of guy. Give him a meatloaf and mashed potatoes and he was in heaven. I fall somewhere in between but lean way nearer to my mom. When my mom took an oriental cooking class we (teenaged) kids eagerly looked forward to her bringing her homework home to the table. It was neat to try new things and even if they weren’t exactly exotic they seemed exotic to our palates.

And I knew enough about kids – including remembering back to being a kid – to know what finicky eaters they can be. And fickle too. They can rave about a dish one time and then turn their nose up at the very mention of it ever afterward. They can want Mac & Cheese for every meal for a month and then never want to see it again. And mostly they can reject the very notion of a food without ever having sampled it. Kids are susceptible to (negative) suggestion so responsible people don’t go out of their way to “poison the well” by needlessly building in biases against food.

The thing that irritated me most was that she went out of her way to teach and encourage her food bigotry to our kids. She would mock and taunt them whenever they ate something that she didn’t like. She would tell them that they (or anyone else out of earshot) were “stupid” to like something she didn’t like. Apparently the whole world was screwed up when it came to food, and she was the balanced one – or so she would have you believe.

I never met anyone (before or since) who was more finicky about food than she was. Food, condiments, preparation, presentation, anything and everything having to do with food. I could tell you about her dislikes but it is (almost) easier to simply list would she would eat. As I said my dad had a limited repertoire of food but the difference between the two of them was that he didn’t choose to visit his limitations on the rest of us. She did – routinely.

At one point after high school she took a summer job in a pickle factory. As a result she wouldn’t allow pickles in the house because she couldn’t stand the smell of the brine. Vinegar made her gag so it had to be kept out in the garage. Same with lemon. Even though you couldn’t smell the contents of a sealed container the mere presence would trigger the gag reflex.
So she didn’t like turkey (what else was news?!). Why was it such a big deal? Because if she didn’t want it then we didn’t have it. It didn’t matter what anyone else wanted, liked, or could eat. If she didn’t like it, it would never be on our table.

Instead we typically had a pork roast or ham. Of course I had no objection to those entrées – but I was raised to have turkey at Thanksgiving and anything less felt like robbery.

It didn’t stop with the turkey (of course). Corn and green beans were the only vegetables she would eat. Both had to be S&W canned brand - frozen “tasted funny” and any other brands were simply “gross” in her estimation. Any other vegetable was summarily dismissed as disgusting. There was never any experimentation – ever. If there wasn’t a McD’s or a Burger King around she would go hungry. I prefer Coke but if I’m in the mood for a soda I’ll drink (almost) anything. For her it was Dr. Pepper or she did without. And it had to be ice cold. Anything less and she did without. No ice – if it was served with ice she sent it back. Oh, and a straw. God help you if you served her a drink without a straw. We kept a case of straws in the cupboard so she wouldn’t be without. The bendy kind.  I was indifferent to them and the kids weren’t allowed to use them  so they were for her exclusive use (except for when she would go out in which case I’d let the kids have one).

She didn’t like milk so the kids didn’t get milk. They had the audacity to refuse to eat cereal in water (yechh!) so she would make them eat toast for breakfast. I discovered these individual portions of oatmeal and those were allowed (thank God!).

Like I said, presentation counted as much as content. Foods must not touch. If they somehow came into contact the plate was immediately scraped and she would start over. Foods had to be consumed individually and completely. She wouldn’t touch anything else on her plate until the salad was completely gone. Then the vegetable. Then the mashed potatoes. Then the meat. She would invariably drink 21/2 glasses of water with a typical meal. She was afraid of chemicals in the water so we always had bottled water (for her). Casseroles were verboten because she couldn’t tell what might be in them – and the notion of all those different kinds of food touching one another must have been unnerving.

The ameliorating factor came with being in a large family. That meant that quite often we spent the holiday with one family or another (sometimes shuttling between households in order not to slight anyone). I took a small cruel pleasure at her ill-ease during these outings because my family was normal and so was most of hers. So when we visited she was stifled (ever so slightly). She still would sneer at family members and criticize their food preferences but it was a lot more subdued.

For our little family the celebration of Thanksgiving usually came as an acknowledgement that we had endured another one without a major blow-up.


   God bless you. Did you stay cause of the kids?
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: LadyVirginia on November 30, 2013, 11:29:43 PM
Yes, thanks to RickZ, Brussels sprouts are now one of my favorite vegetables! And my daughter loves them too.

AS, your ex reminds me of my mother. She wasn't as extreme but she has so many requirements to get through the day.  Any and every thing is worthy of comment and criticism.

Food is VERY important to my mom.  She approaches every meal as if it's her last.  This does not make for a joyful occasion. Just the opposite. It means that the potential for trouble is HUGE.

For me the food is secondary.  Gatherings are about being with those I care about. 
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Alphabet Soup on December 04, 2013, 11:32:21 PM
Barbie Meets Godzilla

(In case you hadn’t noticed there’s a whole motif going on with the story titles ;’)

Who would have thought a few ounces of plastic and fabric could cause so much angst. I could never see the attraction myself (you would be picking your jaw up off the floor if I said that I did ;’) – but the kids dearly loved them. Over several seasons they accumulated a half dozen or more. They would trade them – and the blizzard of clothes – back and forth all the time. My mom would meticulously pick out new outfits for her granddaughters (note the plural) Janie (my daughter from a previous marriage) and Lisa (my stepdaughter). Lisa's grandma would lavish her granddaughter with an endless array of stuff. Everyone except my (then) wife and MIL could see the inequity and deliberate slight to my kid. I caused one particularly nasty row one time by pointing it out.  She became defensive and antagonistic but was otherwise indifferent.

Wifey had chronically gotten the short end of the stick growing up – or so she had convinced herself. So she was consumed with scores to settle. I don’t think that she ever figured it out that she was fighting ghosts. It seemed that the better the situation we built for ourselves (AKA I built for us) the more irrational and combative she became. Without a clear and obvious enemy to target her aggressions against she instead chose those closest to her. Both of her “parents” (I use the term loosely) were more than a little dysfunctional but they managed to conceal it beneath a schizophrenic camouflage of pseudo-generosity and contempt. They had made her who she was but somehow (mostly) escaped her wrath. But I’m straying…

I can no longer recall which xmas it was that we first started buying the collector Barbies. My recollection was that we saw them at Toys~R~Us.  They were the same size doll as the ones we had been buying but they were a “deluxe” model with themed outfits and accessories. And they were spendy! Random hadn’t come along yet so the tradition started with two individual dolls. Each subsequent year we would obtain two more. We never purchased duplicates. The curious thing was that, although they were gifted to the kids, they would be grabbed back up after the grand unveiling and placed on the top shelf of our closet – for safekeeping of course.

They really were pretty little things. The girls just loved them….from afar. And why not? They made a gorgeous presentation with their little outfits and their elaborate cases. At various times the girls would attempt to seek permission to play with them but they were always denied. And so they took position on the top shelf, silent sentinels to a distorted sense of compassion. And soon enough forgotten.

In the spring of ’94 when my dearly beloved conspired to separate me from my home, my children, and my property I had one brief moment when I could rescue some of my and my daughters’ possessions. I jumped at the opportunity and grabbed up what I could. As I raced through “our” bedroom I spied the discarded treasures on the top shelf. I knew that some of them belonged to my daughter. I couldn’t recall which ones. I also knew that if I didn’t take custody of them my daughter would never see her property ever again.

So I snatched up the whole works.

Later I reunited them with my daughter. Talk about an anti-climax! She no longer cared. She had never been allowed to give a damn about them and so now that she was free to possess them it was too late.
The magic was dead.

She and I made arrangements to return Lisa’s to her and my daughter gave hers away to Lisa. Later I heard that Lisa, who was similarly weary of “look but don’t touch”, gave them to Random – who left them with her mother. Full circle and a pyrrhic victory for the ice queen.

What’s more pitiful than a child’s toy that is never played with?

Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Libertas on December 05, 2013, 06:42:21 AM
You related to John in any way?   ;D

John Hiatt - The wreck of the Barbie Ferrari (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mua11m4i-ko#)
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Septugenarian on December 05, 2013, 10:51:51 AM
Yeah, I knew someone who just couldn't be happy without a good mad on.  What a waste of time and effort.
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: LadyVirginia on December 05, 2013, 02:19:50 PM
Quote
What’s more pitiful than a child’s toy that is never played with?

Yes, sad.

And most of those "collector" Barbies are now worth less than they sold for originally.
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Pandora on December 05, 2013, 03:52:17 PM
One of my close lady friends never had a Barbie as a child, so a few Christmases ago, I got her one of the "collectibles", just because.  She cried.
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: LadyVirginia on December 05, 2013, 03:54:04 PM
One of my close lady friends never had a Barbie as a child, so a few Christmases ago, I got her one of the "collectibles", just because.  She cried.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: IronDioPriest on December 05, 2013, 05:14:42 PM
My mom used to try and pull that "I'm buying these toys for a keepsake" bullsh*t. I would make a point to make sure the kids were playing with them in front of Grandma so she'd get the message.

Once she went to some craft fair and bought some handmade old fashioned wooden puzzles; The kind with 5 or 6 distinctly shaped objects, made for toddlers. She gave them to my boys and told me that she wanted them to be put away so the boys could give them to their children.

I laughed, hard. My mom got mad, but WTF? You buy wooden puzzles for your 2 & 3 year old grandsons and then say, "Psych! They're not yours!" Bullsh*t. Collect your own damn stuff.
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: LadyVirginia on December 05, 2013, 05:51:32 PM
My mom used to try and pull that "I'm buying these toys for a keepsake" bullsh*t. I would make a point to make sure the kids were playing with them in front of Grandma so she'd get the message.


My mom's of the wrap-it-in-tissue-paper-to-save-it mindset.  Her dresser drawers are full of stuff she's "saving". She's made comments to me that if she gives us something she wants us to keep it "nice".   ::pullhair::  Can't tell you how many lectures the kids have gotten about keeping something nice. 

I read a story years ago about a woman who after her mother's death found the set of china her mom was saving for a special occasion.  It had never been used because her mom wanted to keep it nice and save it. The woman was pretty sad that the china had never been used.

What's special to me are the things that are used and that I associate with a certain person. The stuff my mom is squirreling away she would be crushed to know won't mean that much to me other than she wanted me to have it after she died.
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Libertas on December 05, 2013, 06:50:09 PM
Collectibles, especially chick stuff, seems to garner better value if you have the original box it came in.  I never got that...it's cardboard, it's worthless...but I am a guy, I buy something to use and toss the rest...

And guys are accused of being "packrats"?   ::whatgives::
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Alphabet Soup on December 05, 2013, 06:57:11 PM
Collectibles, especially chick stuff, seems to garner better value if you have the original box it came in.  I never got that...it's cardboard, it's worthless...but I am a guy, I buy something to use and toss the rest...

And guys are accused of being "packrats"?   ::whatgives::

Thanks - your post will be the foundation for my next chapter.
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Libertas on December 05, 2013, 07:33:09 PM
Collectibles, especially chick stuff, seems to garner better value if you have the original box it came in.  I never got that...it's cardboard, it's worthless...but I am a guy, I buy something to use and toss the rest...

And guys are accused of being "packrats"?   ::whatgives::

Thanks - your post will be the foundation for my next chapter.

 ::whoohoo::
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: LadyVirginia on December 05, 2013, 07:35:53 PM
oh, this should be good...
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Alphabet Soup on December 07, 2013, 11:47:40 AM
As promised (sorry, it took me a bit to dig up the pictures)

Garfield and the Beast

Playing music has been a passion for me all of my life. A family friend had an upright piano and when we would visit we kids would invariably ask to play. This was reliably greeted with a diversionary tactic because neither my mom nor the hostess wanted us pounding on the antique keyboard. When I would visit with just my mom however things were different. My mom’s friend would let me sit at the ancient behemoth and play (“This can be our little secret”). That’s because I didn’t pound – I explored. I would play single tones and allow them to ring. I would play arpeggios (not well but well enough) and wonder at the tones I created.
 
The world is an oyster to an ingénue. The horizons are vast for an impresario. Artists can set the world on fire. But mere musicians – not so much. Technicians are a dime a dozen whether they work on cars or play the guitar. I loved playing but I wasn’t a great performer. I tried several times to learn to read music but never got beyond the basics. I started a thousand songs but never finished a single one. I played in dozens of bands starting while still in high school but none of them ever went anywhere.

But I enjoy playing so much that, although I took a hiatus or two, I always came back to it. No matter how bleak my circumstances got, like the song goes, I’d never sell my guitar.

The closest I ever came was during my second marriage.

I had gotten into an accident while uninsured. It was my fault and I owed the other guy $2800. We didn’t have it at the time so I scrounged a portion and his insurance company allowed me to make payments on the balance. She pressured me to sell my gear, and I did (reluctantly) sell my best Fender amp. The pressure was unrelenting to divest the rest but I stood fast. Eventually I paid my debt and soon enough found another band to play in.

By around 1991 things were going pretty good  in our little family. I had a decent job, had just bought a house, and had put together a new group. We needed a PA so we pooled our resources and bought a bare-bones kit that got us started. As I remember I put the total – about $3500 - on my credit card and the others made payments on their share to me. My split was about $900. Since “the band” got paid first (paying whatever expenses incurred as a course of business) we quickly paid off the gear with earnings from gigs.

When my wifey found out she hit the roof. True, I should have let her know what we were doing but it was my credit card and my credit (we had separate credit cards). I tried to explain how it was an investment but she turned a deaf ear (and a cold shoulder).

A couple of weeks later she announced that she had made a purchase. I waited for the other shoe to drop. “Since you decided to spend money on stuff you like I decided to spend money on stuff I like”. Man, I could see where this was headed! She explained (OK, more like notified) to me that she had bought some Garfield figurines from the Home Shopping Network.  I tried desperately to show some interest but I get the impression that my reaction came across like “That’s nice dear” to her. When they arrived they were everything that one might imagine Garfield figurines to be. (yawn). While I was away at work she went to the hardware store, bought some shelving, and had it installed - more or less – in the dining room by the time I got home. There was a sh*t-load of shelving there. Those Garfield figurines sure looked lonely and abandoned sitting there all alone like that. I’m sure that was the impression she wished to convey.

Sure enough (and I’m certain much to the relief of those forlorn Garfield figurines sitting all alone on that shelf) they were soon joined by more Garfield figurines. And more Garfield figurines. And more. At one point I asked if she was about done and, in her trademark snotty tone she told me “you buy what you like - I buy what I like”. I patiently explained that we couldn’t afford these extravagances, to which she threw back at me, “You mean like music equipment?!”

I reminded her that I had already paid off the equipment but it didn’t matter to her. She was out to prove a point and no mere man would be giving the rout. She finally stopped someplace around the $3500 mark.

(http://i1098.photobucket.com/albums/g369/J-reb/Garfield1_zps734c59bb.jpg)

(http://i1098.photobucket.com/albums/g369/J-reb/Garfield2_zps88e0285d.jpg)

 
You don’t have to say a word - know you’re impressed.

The display wasn’t as much a display as it was a shrine. No, that’s not true – it was a spite fence. It was there for one reason and one reason alone – to spite me for having the temerity to make an independent decision. She never allowed the kids to touch any of her Garfield crap – smacking them any time they ever tried. At one time she purchased a cat – a Siamese  - and brought it home. The cat made the fatal mistake of leaping up into the midst of the shrine one afternoon after spying a squirrel outside the window. She had the cat put to sleep.

That was 1991. It’s now 22 years later and I still own the PA. And it is still making money for me.

I wonder how much the shrine is worth?


Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Libertas on December 09, 2013, 06:45:01 AM
The Shrine of Spite...and she snuffed a cat...what a heart!

/

Did you ever have any fantasies about going Dillinger on that mess?  Talk about a tough impulse to quiet!
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: LadyVirginia on December 09, 2013, 11:20:19 AM
I hope you didn't have to eat in the dining room too often. I couldn't but then I never got the whole Garfield cat thing anyway.

Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Alphabet Soup on December 09, 2013, 12:51:44 PM
The Shrine of Spite...and she snuffed a cat...what a heart!

/

Did you ever have any fantasies about going Dillinger on that mess?  Talk about a tough impulse to quiet!

Yes.

If I had gone ahead and done the world a favor by removing her I would be out of jail by now.....and Random would still be alive.
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: ChrstnHsbndFthr on December 09, 2013, 01:08:59 PM
The Shrine of Spite...and she snuffed a cat...what a heart!

/

Did you ever have any fantasies about going Dillinger on that mess?  Talk about a tough impulse to quiet!

Yes.

If I had gone ahead and done the world a favor by removing her I would be out of jail by now.....and Random would still be alive.

Oh my!  But, then again....I understand the feeling; just don't give in to it.
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: LadyVirginia on December 09, 2013, 01:56:12 PM

If I had gone ahead and done the world a favor by removing her I would be out of jail by now.....and Random would still be alive.

 ::grouphug::
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: John Florida on December 09, 2013, 06:59:49 PM
The Shrine of Spite...and she snuffed a cat...what a heart!

/

Did you ever have any fantasies about going Dillinger on that mess?  Talk about a tough impulse to quiet!

Yes.

If I had gone ahead and done the world a favor by removing her I would be out of jail by now.....and Random would still be alive.

  Screw her and Random is still alive in our hearts. I watch the vid still every so often.
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Libertas on December 10, 2013, 06:55:16 AM
The Shrine of Spite...and she snuffed a cat...what a heart!

/

Did you ever have any fantasies about going Dillinger on that mess?  Talk about a tough impulse to quiet!

Yes.

If I had gone ahead and done the world a favor by removing her I would be out of jail by now.....and Random would still be alive.

Aye, but you're a thinking feeling human...what was...was...sometimes the price for ones soul is too much, no matter what we think we might gain.  I honestly do not know for certain how I would react in the same situation.  But even at a young age I was rather analytical, and experience has shown that there are unpredictable results when we give in to impulse...and many of them do not include the good we hoped to acheive.   

I think everyone in our little family here at IAL would agree that we are all better for having you among us, no matter the circumstances that preceded it.  I like to think that regardless of past decisions made or unmade that that would always be true.

 ::grouphug::
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Alphabet Soup on December 31, 2013, 02:05:41 AM
On an entirely different note...

Me And BigFoot McGee

It was 1979. St Helens would blow her top in just under a year. My brother had heard of Bigfoot sightings in the heavy forested Gifford Pinchot Park surrounding the ancient volcano. We decided to throw our gear in the truck and mosey over that~a~way to see if we could spot us a critter or two. My brother was a martial arts instructor at the time. He convinced his Sensei to come along (it didn’t really take very much arm twisting to spike his interest) and so off into the mountains we went.

Spirit Lake was located at the foot of Mt. St. Helens about 150 miles from Seattle. Washington State has some gorgeous lakes and this was among the finest looking of the bunch. But it was a spooky place at the same time. The forest cover was thick and dark and chilly even on the warmest of days. There was something vaguely dark and foreboding about the park that made the hairs on your neck stand up. On the southwest side of the mountain was an area ominously called “Ape Canyon” where there had been many Bigfoot sightings over the years. That’s where we were headed!

We made good time and got to the lake in the mid afternoon. There were already long shadows in the camping area and the camping spots were positively gloomy! We found a suitable spot that wasn’t too far from the beach and started setting up our gear only to be met with rain. The canopy of trees kept the drops from hitting us for a long time and we cheered our good fortune at picking such a forgiving site.

My job got to be wood scrounge. We anticipated that finding deadwood would be difficult so we brought some firewood from home but it seems like you can never have enough wood when you’re camping so I sought out more to augment our stash.
The forest was thick with 100-foot firs and heavy underbrush that didn’t want to give up its treasures without a fight. It was dark by the time I had gathered a load of limbs and branches that looked like they might be persuaded to light off. I had also set a couple of caches of smaller stuff to return for at a later date. I was tired, bug-bitten and hungry!

Trudging toward the encampment and dragging my load, I could smell it long before I could spot it. The guys had gotten a fire going and dinner cooking. I unceremoniously dropped the load and dug into my gear. I wasn’t sure what to grab first, the bug-juice, the ointment for the nettle stinga, or a flashlight to see where I was going. I made my repairs and had some chow, then we drank beer and played guitars long into the night.

At some point Chet (the Sensei) decided to go exploring down the trail. Now mind you, it’s around midnight, there’s a soft rain falling, it is pitch black, and we’re not exactly conversant with the lay of the land. Perfect!

We go off down the trail in the opposite direction that we had come in figuring that the road would dead-end eventually. After getting out of sight of the campsite we extinguished the single flashlight Chet was carrying. I couldn’t see my hands right in front of my face! We stood there for a bit and let our eyes adjust to the darkness. Slowly features began to form before our eyes. In a minute or two we could see well enough to distinguish the path and off we went. We travelled on for about another 30 minutes before the two of them got bored with it (I was bored five minutes into it!) and turned around.  I have to say that I was thankful when we turned back when we did because I later discovered the road went another dozen miles into the forest. On the way in the two of them were chatterboxes, telling stories and generally bullsh*tting each other. On the way back out we just walked quietly, the only sounds coming from our footfalls and breathing.

At one point my brother asked me if I had grunted. I said no. He then asked me “what the hell other kind of noises are you making back there?” and I replied, “Screw your eyes out”. Then we heard more noises, muffled grunts, snorts, and sniffs. They would happen, then there would be nothing. We would stop in our tracks, peer into the black (seeing nothing of course) and listen intently for the sounds that would elude us. This went on for several minutes when I sensed the presence – and the hairs stood up stronger than they had earlier that afternoon. There was something there, just out of sight.

We stood silent, unmoving, not even daring to breathe it seemed forever (or about 30 seconds – whichever came first) and then a bear ambled up the trail and right up to us. It stopped about six feet away from us and sniffed our direction.
Chet threw on the flashlight and my brother shouted “Boo!” and the bear turned tail and sprinted away from us. I kept thinking that it was going to double back and attack us be we didn’t see it the rest of our way back to the camp. Much to our relief nothing had been molested at the campsite (even though we were remiss in packing up the cooking and eating utensils).  After warming up in front of the campfire I headed off to the tent and my sleeping bag.

A couple of hours later the rain returned, and this time in earnest. The canopy absorbed what it could and then started dribbling it down the trunk and onto the floor of the site. I woke up to find the tent floor and my sleeping bag soaking wet. I got up only to find that the fire was just about gone out and everything drenched. So I retreated to the truck and tried to find the driest part of my bag to keep me warm.

The next morning I had no desire to get up. I was cold-soaked, scratched up and swollen from gathering wood, and ready to give up and go home. The guys had other plans however. First they planned to scale the mountain. Then we would descend the back side and into Ape Canyon where we would “catch us a Bigfoot!” It was already past ten but they were certain that their plan was infallible.

At the time St. Helens was 9700 ft elevation and was the fifth-highest peak in Washington. It didn’t require climbing gear – a scramble was possible – but suitable gear meant better than cut-offs and Nike’s.  Unfortunately that’s all we had. We ate breakfast, packed lunches and headed out to the departure point for the climb.

Chet and my brother were in much better shape that I was but I was determined not to let it show. OK, it showed. But I was determined not to let it slow us down. OK, it slowed us down. But I was desperate not to piss n moan about it. It was probably three o’clock in the afternoon when we finally reached a point that we could claim that we had summited the peak (maybe it was and maybe it wasn’t but we were too tired to hike to the different points in order to tell which one was the highest).

Thankfully the guys abandoned their grand scheme to explore Ape Canyon – there simply wouldn’t be enough time. I tried to eat but was nauseous. I guess some folks have problems acclimatizing to heights and apparently I’m one of them. We enjoyed the sunny afternoon view and the spectacular scenery and then headed back down.

We made the parking lot in what seemed like only 30 minutes and now the guys were rethinking Ape Canyon. I told them “Thanks but no thanks” and that I’d just stay with the truck – which earned me being called “pansy”, “pussy”, and a couple of others. I didn’t care. I was done for the day.

We drove back to the camp, did a repeat of the first night (sans the bear) and then the following morning Chet announced that he had to return to Seattle. I never did understand if that had been his schedule all along or if something had changed his agenda for the trip. We broke camp and made a pact to return to explore the canyon. It never was to be.  Our trip had been a spur of the moment thing in late summer. Schedules never quite meshed again and the following year the mountain blew its top, erasing Ape Canyon and anything (or anyone) in its path.

Whether or not it had survived St. Helens, Bigfoot was safe from me.
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Libertas on January 01, 2014, 12:12:52 PM
Heh.  I love camping stories!

I got two short ones.

First, I learned a long time ago as a kid (my parents were fond of pawning me off to various camping adventures, they said I would love it, I think they wanted a vacation from me) to bring a couple extra large plastic garbage bags, they fit around a sleeping bag real good and keep you dry and warm no matter how stupid a camping site your fellow travelers pick!  There was one trip where people found out the hard way I suck at cooking (dehydrated meals back then were a lot more finicky than they are now!), I'll gather wood, build a fire, whatever...don't want me cooking!

Second, went camping with my brother on the North Shore many moons ago.  My brother isn't as interested in camping than in showing off how much of his home he can put in the woods.  He had what I call the Taj Majal of tents.  Had a huge contraption connected to the back of his van which when the latter was opened up it revealed a massive traveling pantry.  All top-end multi-burner propane stove rig, cots and lamps and radios in the tent...he had it all.  I liked the food, the rest was overkill.  All I had was my trusted Eureka pup tent, sleeping bag (large garbage bag included in case my tent site was picked by an idiot!), flashlight, bug spray and a small pocket radio.  We retire to a campfire after dinner, he and his kids making smores and me drinking whatever adult beverage I brought...might have been scotch.  Then the rain drops came...and got bigger...we scramble for our respective tents.  Massive torrential thunder and lightning storm, went on for hours...could hear water rushing by my tent...I was on a slight incline with the slope going from head to foot.  I stayed dry the whole night, didn't need the backup garbage bag even though I had it deployed.  Storm abated by 3-4 am, and I got about 5 more hours sleep and was fine.  I get up and pay the Taj Majal a visit and in looks battered and soggy...leaks from above and rivers of water going through it...van was packed with crabby half-soaked parents and kids.  All I wanted to know was when breakfast was coming?
 ;D
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: oldcoastie6468 on January 01, 2014, 12:52:28 PM
Allan Sherman - Hello Muddah Hello Faddah (1963) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jjiWS__Mp0#)
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Weisshaupt on January 01, 2014, 01:00:50 PM
 Hints for enjoying Camping ( most of which are obvious, but so many seem to have problems with them)

1)  You are better off sleeping on a  slight incline than in a flat spot in a gully. 

2) Your Tent should not take more than 10  minutes to set up, and if it takes more or involves cursing, Get a new tent. .  I have used the same   2 person, 3 season "instant popup" NorthFace flashlight  tent for years now. You don't take the poles out of the grommets. You pretty much spread it out, hook the poles together and the thing is up in 5 minutes

3)  Fold your ground cover under the tent edges so it doesn't collect and pull water under the tent.

4) A a sleeping bag out of flannel and use it inside your sleeping bag.  This will keep you at least 50% warmer and you will sleep better as you will be unaware as you shift positions in the sleeping bag to a "cold spot" - it also makes it way easier to keep the bag clean since 90% of your sweat and smell end up on the flannel . A good thermarest type  mattress never goes wrong either.

5) Always hang sleeping bags in a closet for storage - never leave them in the stuff sack longer than required so they their loft and therefore usefulness.

6) Make sure you have a flashlight on you as you grab a plate for  dinner.  You probably don't need it -yet, but you will

7) Adequate gear - good sleeping bag,  long underwear, warm socks, boots, coats, rain gear, and hats, sunglasses, bug spray and sunscreen, are required.   90% of the time people who say they don't enjoy camping were forced on a trip without these items, and ended up simply being uncomfortable.

8) If your sunscreen freezes, its no good. ( found that one out the hard way)

9) if your pack weighs more than 50lbs,  you have too much in it. When back backing realize that you don't need more than one change of clothes, and that you really don't need a lot of the items you think you need. 

10) If the situation allows,  bring a second  tent or structure ( think large tarp)  large enough to keep rain of your entire party, and a deck of cards.  A rainy afternoon can be made much more fun in this fashion ( Colorado Trail crews always had a "community tent" - often a large canvas hunters tent, equipped with  a shepherd's stove, and without it those crews would have been far less fun on stormy days)

11) If the situation allows, pack a treat  that isn't supposed to be there. Say Ice Cream in dry ice ( or ice cream  maker that works with snow)  even if all you can produce for everyone is 2-3 bites. - Its amazing how much this will lift everyone spirits on the 3rd or fourth day of a trip, especially if they had no idea it would be forthcoming - not to mention that everything tastes better in the wild after a day of good exercise.

12) However much fun you think it is at the time, drinking Scotch at altitude and hiking (still mildly drunk)  early in the morning is not a great idea.
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: oldcoastie6468 on January 01, 2014, 01:11:19 PM
And always drink upstream of the herd.
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Libertas on January 01, 2014, 01:49:44 PM
 ::hysterical::
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: LadyVirginia on January 01, 2014, 11:42:41 PM
I have such fond memories of camping as a kid.  Sometimes we wouldn't even go that far away--an hour or two away and set up for the weekend and just hang out. Loved it when it rained and we'd just pass the hours reading and playing board games. And food tastes better outdoors!

My dh's father built a 2nd home (not a cabin, A HOME) in the mountains when dh was a kid (in the same mountain range I grew up camping in lol).

So I'll just say I'd never camp with my dh.   ;D
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: oldcoastie6468 on January 01, 2014, 11:54:17 PM
We'd drive the first 1000 miles (to Denver, Sheridan, Amarillo, Rapid City, etc.) and then shunpike it and camp until we were ready to go home. Our hearts have always been out in the western states.

We did, however, also camp in VT, ME, and NB & Nova Scotia in Canada one year. Also in Ontario Provincial Park in Ontario, CAN.
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: LadyVirginia on January 02, 2014, 11:03:30 AM
One time we crossed over into Canada looking for camp ground my mom had read about. There was no border crossing we just drove and eventually realized we were in Canada.  Anyway, we find it --a road into a foresty area (I believe there was a sign saying it was a park of some kind)and it's late and no one seems to be at this place and the road was fairly undeveloped. It was in a forest and it began to dawn on us that maybe this place wasn't really open yet but we're thinking "so what" we can still camp.  Until my mom saw a fox run across the road.  That was it.  Made dad turn around and we got back on the main highway and drove until we saw a motel. lol For liking camping mom wasn't much for nature*.   ::whatgives::


*we used to camp in the Blue Ridge all the time. I guess mom preferred to believe nature wasn't around us.
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: oldcoastie6468 on January 02, 2014, 03:00:21 PM
When we camped at Theodore Roosevelt National Park in North Dakota, a large HERD of buffalo (more correctly "bison") wandered through the campground. The bulls were in no mood for anything but sex, since they were in "rut." Most of the campers just got in their cars or RVs and let the animals do their thing - lasted about 1/2 hour. No damage, no problems.
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Libertas on January 03, 2014, 07:01:08 AM
When we camped at Theodore Roosevelt National Park in North Dakota, a large HERD of buffalo (more correctly "bison") wandered through the campground. The bulls were in no mood for anything but sex, since they were in "rut." Most of the campers just got in their cars or RVs and let the animals do their thing - lasted about 1/2 hour. No damage, no problems.

At least your vehicle was not in season!   ::hysterical::

IIRC from there all out to Yellowstone is like Prarie Dog heaven...little devils everywhere, and bold little beggers at rest stops!

In Yellowstone I remember driving the pickup slowly so as to not spook the big shaggy going the worng way on the oncoming side of the road...independent cuss held up traffic all across the bridge...nice view of him as we slowly passed...I was the only one who made it across.
 ;D
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: yankeestom on January 10, 2014, 01:51:46 PM
I'm a little late to the party, but that metric crapload of Garfield stuff is both impressive and disturbing.
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Alphabet Soup on January 10, 2014, 06:08:27 PM
I'm a little late to the party, but that metric crapload of Garfield stuff is both impressive and disturbing.

To this day I cannot bear to look at that image. Crapload is most appropriate ;')
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer/ The Poop Story
Post by: Alphabet Soup on June 28, 2014, 02:12:39 PM
Maybe I should have titled this page "Soupies bowlful of silliness" instead of "So I Married an Axe Murderer" but vanity compels me to keep my larger flights of (il)literate fancy together in one spot.

OK, you axed for it ;')

WARNING: the following chapter deals with leftists and excrement (sometimes it's hard to tell where one leaves off and the other begins!)

Around 2000 I was working for a ginormous multinational corporation that was hugely fond of H1B's. The Seattle area has a reputation for being a (ridiculously) diverse area already (think the barroom scene in Star Wars) but this place was worse than that and almost as bad as the UN.

This was a major-league leftist outfit as well so Political Correctness was the order of the day. The funny thing about PC (not funny haha - funny perverse) is that PC isn't a substitution for or augmentation of the Golden Rule but rather it is a circumvention for common decency. PC is the proposition of saying "No one here thinks you're an idiot...that you know of". It's artificial, it's phony, it's insincere, and it's the modus operandi of the left.

If you've ever worked in a big office building you know of the daily ritual of hall-gathering. This is the morning routine wherein the cubicle-dwellers congregate in the hallways, corridors, and (where present) break-rooms to kibitz. It's all well and good and generally harmless (in its innate non-productivity mode). It's also a major PITA for any poor fools who actually have work to do. The metaphor isn't so much like the commonly used traffic jam as it is a backed up toilet. No matter how badly you need to go, you don't want to go there.

I think you can easily tell at this point what sort of morning person I am ;')

The daily ritual for me was to arrive an hour before anybody else (so I could work uninterrupted), get my coffee, and prep for my day. Once I got things properly spun up then I felt free to go waste company time.

On one of my coffee refill trips I encountered a glut of fools in the hallway. This particular bunch of fools happened to be of the muzzie persuasion. Now mind you - this was a bit more than a year before 9/11 and the increased scrutiny that came in the wake of that horrible event. I had worked with a bunch of them and had already noted a couple of things about them. I noticed that most of them carried a chip on their shoulders. They pretended to be superior but showed "tell" that belied their sense of inferiority. I noted that even the meekest of them would instantly go into a rage at the mention of "Jew" of Israel". Like pouring salt into an open wound. They showed little interest in mingling with us lowly infidels and preferred the company of their own. Several of them showed open contempt for anglos. I noted it but remembered that I didn't have to like them - I just had to work with them.

So I'm working my way down the corridor and come upon this glut of morons yukking it up and dominating the hall by jostling each other. Now I ask you - can you recall another time in your past when this description applied? If you answered "Junior High School" I have a shiny Ticonderoga pencil for you.

They were fooling around in the hallway as I was trying to navigate my way through carrying a cup of scalding hot coffee. You know what happened next. The guy who got drenched yelped like a banshee and his buddies immediately took an offensive stance. My reaction was mock concern: "Oh owie - I bet that hurt!" The rest of the group glared at me and I gave them a casually disarming smile that denied them an easy interpretation. All they could do was retreat.

It was a large building with an equally large population and consequently a long time passed before my next encounter with any of them. When it did it was in the Men's Room.
 
Men's Room Etiquette is one of the more curious manifestations of human neurosis. The rules aren't immortalized in stone or any book but they are there nonetheless. The Men's Room is a space of varying size where males go to relieve themselves. What makes the Men's Room different from a bathroom is the fact that humans are peeing and pooping in a room filled with other people peeing and pooping (whereas in a bathroom you usually have exclusive use). There is a stigma associated with the act of elimination. Most humans hold it to one degree or another. Elimination is an act that most would prefer to perform in privacy. But large buildings do not respect the stigma and so comes Men's room Etiquette.

Men's Room Etiquette dictates that one goes into a Men's room, does their business, washes ones hands, and leaves. The Men's Room is not a social gathering place, nor is it the proper forum for doing Business. It's a place to pee and poop.

When you enter a Men's Room etiquette dictates that you gently avert your eyes from eye~to~eye contact with other patrons. Real men don't notice another patron and announce, "Hey Charlie, that's a great outfit you're wearing! Did you get that at Macy's?!" At least not in the Men's Room. At least not hetro-normative men ;') Absent-mindedly whistling is considered tacky but not prohibited. Checking out another mans package is strictly no-no. If you're into that sort of thing go buy some ghey porno. Cruising the Men's Room for action is an excellent way to get your azz kicked.

I've seen flowcharts (humorously) devoted to the definition of the proper selection of urinal. When selecting a urinal you take the one on the far left. The next person arriving will take the one two spaces away - unless he's an asshole where he'll take the one furthest to the right. That's because the next person after that must make a conscious decision - does he take position immediate to the right of person #1 or to the immediate left of person #2? I've seen people confronted with that decision turn around and leave. Seriously. And that's just for peeing.

Defecation is a whole different deal. Most humans pass gas when they pee, but pass much more when they poop. Have you ever heard a fart joke? Think of the number of humans who have built entire careers on fart jokes. Do you like being the butt of a fart joke? I don't know anyone who does. So the key to defecation in public is the pretense of privacy. Somehow you gotta get yourself into a stall unnoticed, do your business, and get out without leaving a wake. It's a delicate dance but one that I've seen (and done) many times. Unfortunately no amount of nonchalance or unobtrusiveness can withstand a very public, "HEY WALLY, YOU'RE NOT GONNA PLUG UP THE sh*tTER AGAIN ARE YA?!!"
 
How can people be so heartless? (How can people be so cruel?!)

Nature beckoned and I hit the nearest Men's Room to answer the call. One of my muzzie buddies exited a stall just as I approached the door. He looked at me, breaking rule #1 (no eye contact) and brushed past me muttering something. I opened the stall door and saw the mess he had left behind. Here's another interesting factoid that I learned....muslims don't grow up with the same etiquette as humans. This particular one had placed his feet on either side of the seat, squatted above it, and then took a crap. Some of it had actually made its way into the bowl. I don't know whether or not he was acquainted with the employment of toilet paper, but in this instance he had chosen against it. The toilet was covered in poop.

"Hey Ackbar!" I shouted, "You ain't quite done here...not yet!"
 
He froze in his steps but wouldn't look at me.

"Yea you!" "Come back here and clean up the mess you made!"

He turned around and looked at me with panic in his eyes.

"I'll be goddamned if I'm gonna let you shyt all over the place and then just walk away!"

He looked around to see if he could muster support from anyone - he was greeted with shaking heads and the look of disgust. He did go into the stall and he did wipe up his crap. I bet he is still haunted from the incident.

Hmmm.  Maybe I'm responsible for 9/11?
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: AlanS on June 28, 2014, 04:22:18 PM
 ::clapping::
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: LadyVirginia on June 28, 2014, 05:40:05 PM
I figured there had to be a no eye contact rule in the men's room. Because there's often a line for the women's bathroom there is occasional eye contact as you indicate to someone you're in line or not etc.

I dislike women who try to carry on conversations while taking care of business.

I wondered how people were getting poo all over the toilet and floor. But from your description I guess it's because they don't sit on a toilet. Hmmm, why is that?

I'm pretty sure you're not responsible for 9/11 but I imagine that guy hasn't forgotten you. No doubt if he doesn't get his revenge against some infidel for that  his descendants will try to.
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Libertas on June 28, 2014, 09:50:05 PM
l would wager chimps are more neat and polite than a muzzie.

There are those clowns like us though, seemingly normal guys....that leave the can full & plugged.  My first thought is the same...wtf does their home look like?

 ::speechless::
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: trapeze on June 28, 2014, 11:28:51 PM
I seem to remember something about arab/muslim etiquette (yeah, I know...sounds like an oxymoron) where they are really offended if you offer them a left hand because that is what they use instead of toilet paper. I don't know if that's true...could be one of those urban legend thingies...but for some reason it sounds as if it could be true and what does that say about them?

And speaking of...

(http://imageshack.com/a/img263/2679/toilet21ie7.jpg)
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Libertas on June 29, 2014, 01:19:17 PM
Pages of that rag work better than the left hand.
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Pandora on June 29, 2014, 01:38:49 PM
Pages of that rag work better than the left hand.

I cannot begin to fathom that ...... and don't want to.

A lot of people from Latin American countries, particularly Mexico, use toilet paper but they're not in the habit of flushing the paper.  Apparently, the waste disposal systems there cannot accommodate the practice.

If there's a wastebasket, they'll put it in there until the can gets full and the towering pile topples onto the floor.  And is left there.  In the case of no wastecan, it goes right onto the floor.

The West invented a way of dealing with human waste that obliterated many of the health and sanitation issues that still cause disease in the rest of the world and these disgusting people -- bolstered by the Left -- are in the process of reversing the very processes that constituted real progress.

One of the issues that has me so upset about the current ongoing invasion from our southern border.

eta:  Do these people LOOK LIKE CHILDREN TO YOU??!

(http://www.dmldaily.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/border2.jpg)

http://www.dmldaily.com/what-will-happen-to-the-illegal-children/ (http://www.dmldaily.com/what-will-happen-to-the-illegal-children/)

Sorry for the post hijack, 'Soup.
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Libertas on August 04, 2014, 06:53:43 PM
I think Ackbar paid a visit to the men's room at work...I just do not know what happened nor do I want to waste time thinking about it...a urinal was hit with something worse than urine and it was in, on, around and below it.

Probably a good thing I did not witness whatever happened, I would be in prison for manslaughter.

I just do not understand how someone can do something like this...
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Alphabet Soup on August 04, 2014, 07:03:34 PM
Crapping in the urinal - totally gross. I've witnessed it as well. mexicans.
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Libertas on August 05, 2014, 06:39:06 AM
Seriously?  Did ya kick 'em back across the Rio Grande?  I'm pretty sure I would go incendiary if I saw that!

It would be ironic if Mexicans did this instance...most all of the union janitors here are Latino's with some Asian's and a token whitey thrown in for diVerSiTy!
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Alphabet Soup on March 20, 2015, 11:26:00 AM
In honor of the Eclipse thread (http://itsaboutliberty.com/index.php?topic=12877.msg142753#msg142753 (http://itsaboutliberty.com/index.php?topic=12877.msg142753#msg142753))...

I don't recall the moment that the import of the coming eclipse penetrated my thick skull - I think that it slowly oozed its way into my consciousness. There had been a buzz on the radio about it and that buzz just continued to build. Narrators who were saying "the last full solar eclipse until...." (I no longer remember the date but at the time it seemed awfully far away).

It was 1979. I was newly married and had a job warehousing for an electronics manufacturer. I didn't want to jeopardize my job but the lure of witnessing the eclipse became intoxicating. It was mid-February which is guaranteed to be rainy in Seattle and there were few who thought that anyone would get much of a view of the spectacle. Then the local news reported an interesting tidbit - the epicenter of the total eclipse would sweep over the replica of Stonehenge in Maryhill Washington. This site, located on the barren hillside overlooking the Columbia River stood a much better chance of clear weather for the event.

(https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/e7/Solar_eclipse_animate_%281979-Feb-26%29.gif)

I took a chance and revealed my true plans to my lead-man. He gave me the OK to taking the day off. My wife working part-time at the time so that wasn't an issue. We packed my van like we did for camping trips and topped off the tank. As fate would have it the eclipse occurred on a Monday so we had a "free" travel day. We headed south Sunday afternoon and eventually found ourselves inthe middle of nowhere, AKA Maryhill Washington. I knew there was a reason why I favored vans in those days ;')

(http://www.mausoleums.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/FHR%20Stonehenge%20Memorial.jpg)

Stonehenge at Maryhill is a most peculiar thing. Sited on a remote hillside in southern Washington, it was built by noted eccentric Sam Hill, whose own tomb lies nearby, to commemorate 13 young Klickitat County men who gave their lives in World War I. The altar stone was dedicated on July 4th, 1918 and the full structure was completed and dedicated on May 30th 1929. Sam Hill had the structure fabricated out of concrete to resemble how the original megalithic Stonehenge on Salisbury Plain, Wiltshire, England must have appeared ca. 1350 B.C.. Sam Hill’s Stonehenge sits high on a bluff overlooking the Columbia River near Maryhill, Washington.

During a total eclipse of the sun in February, 1979, Stonehenge, not surprisingly, became a center of activity. Thousands of people, including members of the New Order of Reformed Druids, gathered at Sam Hill’s concrete creation to witness the moon “eating the sun”. The participants sang and chanted in the darkness until the sun again emerged from behind the moon. (http://www.mausoleums.com/portfolio/stonehenge-memorial/ (http://www.mausoleums.com/portfolio/stonehenge-memorial/))

My recollection was that the actual eclipse occurred around 08:30 Monday morning. We were still foggy-eyed and in desperate need of a decent cup of coffee. The loons had occupied Stonehenge proper but amateur astronomers were plentiful in the parking/camping area. We struck up a conversation with one of them and he kindly offered to share his setup with us. It may even be the guy who took the following pictures. At any rate there was a full spectrum of people who congregated for the event, from "salt of the earth" to "extra-terrestrial".

(http://www.bbastrodesigns.com/eclipse79/before.jpg)

The event itself was amazing and I still get chills recalling it.

Forty miles or so to the west of us was Portland Oregon. They were socked in with rain and a low ceiling of clouds. It was even worse back in Seattle. But at Maryhill it was fairly clear and bravely sunny. With the exception of being chilly it was very much like any other typical spring morning. The birds were chirping and cows in a nearby field were beginning to move about, occasionally making cow-moos and snorts.

Then a perceptible change started happening. A shadow appeared from the west silently racing towards us. The cows went silent. The birds went to ground. Off in the distance the loons were waking from their previous night’s debauchery and we could hear the hoots and hollering swell. The astronomers had their gear set up in anticipation and it was now just a matter of waiting for it to hit us.

The skies grew darker - very rapidly. The change was dramatic and even the loons fell silent. Behind us a streetlight reacted to the lack of sunlight and energized itself. From someone’s car the melody from Dark Side of the moon lofted across the lot and I thought to myself, "What could be more appropriate music to score this event?!"

(http://www.bbastrodesigns.com/eclipse79/79-4.jpg)

As quickly as it came it climaxed and then receded, the ominous shadow heading off down the valley.

That was my eclipse of February, 26, 1979
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Libertas on March 23, 2015, 06:55:17 AM
Nice story 'Soup.  ::thumbsup::

I have yet to catch a total, seen some partials, never the Big Kahuna.

Would be cool to catch one of those boat intercepts like I am sure will occur in the one in the Pacific in March 2016, but August 2017 in the Missouri-Kentucky area the times of greatest eclipse and duration will occur on land, an I might just have to make that trip.

http://www.eclipsewise.com/solar/solar.html (http://www.eclipsewise.com/solar/solar.html)
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Pandora on March 23, 2015, 10:35:18 AM
Quote
Nice story 'Soup.  ::thumbsup:: 

I like his stories.   ;D
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Alphabet Soup on March 23, 2015, 01:46:18 PM
Thank you. I find it therapeutic to put this stuff to "pen".

Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: John Florida on April 06, 2015, 05:25:32 PM
Thank you. I find it therapeutic to put this stuff to "pen".


   Don't stop now you're almost sane.   ::unknowncomic::
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Alphabet Soup on April 06, 2015, 06:40:37 PM
Thank you. I find it therapeutic to put this stuff to "pen".


   Don't stop now you're almost sane.   ::unknowncomic::

Where the heck have you been?! (welcome back JF!)
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: John Florida on April 07, 2015, 04:06:43 PM
  I'm at work!! My machine is still screwed and wife in Conn for two more weeks and I do laundry,work,cook,pay bills and try to get basic crap done.  Changed the batteries in my lawn tractor and my back and forth to work car and laundry and did I say cook and work.


   THIS IS THE LONGEST SHE'S EVER BEEN GONE AND IT'S NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN AGAIN.  Other than that just chillin.
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Alphabet Soup on May 19, 2015, 03:34:38 PM
Yesterday was the 35th anniversary of the eruption of Mt. St. Helens. This is the mountain (volcano) that I wrote about a bit upstream and about fifteen months after the solar eclipse story.

The story played out for about three weeks before the grand finale. We have two moderately large volcanoes as neighbors. They've been snoozing for a millennium or two but in early 1980 Mt. St. Helen's began to awaken from its slumber. It did so much as I imagine a grizzly bear would do so - very slowly and laboriously, and with lots of grunts, snorts, and other ill-tempered emanations.

The talking heads breathlessly intoned the doomsday warnings over and over again. It had been a hundred years since its last grunt and at least a thousand years since its last significant activity so it wasn't like you could go around the neighborhood interviewing people on its past misbehavior. So they hypothesized, and extrapolated, and generally made fools of themselves (funny how some things never change).

Soon enough a crack appeared in the side of the mountain and steam began to rise. I think that everyone was expecting some sort of symmetry with a nice v-shaped cloud coming from the very tippy-top. No matter, it was still cause to celebrate and speculate on.

The local news outfits from Seattle and Portland made routine over-flights displaying video of the growing "bump" that was growing from the initial crack. Endless conjecture took place as to the inevitability of an eruption. Over the days and weeks the certainty of an eruption became clear and the speculation turned to how soon and how big. Since the mountain wasn't as closely situation to population centers as Mt. Rainier is the deciders decided not to decide about much of any mitigation plans.

It was about this point when someone asked the question, "What about Harry?" Harry Truman was an old codger who lived in the shadow of Mt. St. Helen's. He was one in a long line of grouchy old farts who didn't so much speak as he did bark. When the sheriff's department showed up at Harry's place to escort him out Harry told the deputy to go chase himself. A little drama quickly grew out of his refusal to leave and ultimately Harry perished when the mountain blew.

They also couldn't keep people off the mountain and once the people had become used to the notion of living next to a live volcano they became complacent and nonchalant about the whole thing. State authorities had set up a "red zone" and restricted (as best they could) people from the area. Residents who had been evacuated desperately wanted access back to their property.

At 08:32 on Sunday morning, May 18, 1980 the mountain blew its top. I don't remember how many atomic bombs it was equivalent to but it shook the earth for thousands of miles around it.

(http://i1098.photobucket.com/albums/g369/J-reb/Lost%20Cause/Mt.St.Helens_zpsmw01awtc.jpg)

57 lives were lost that morning, some residents, some sight-seers, many scientists who had flocked to the mountain to examine a once~in~a~lifetime event.

Here is a link to an A&E presentation that I thought pretty good:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fArB5Jz2wos (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fArB5Jz2wos)

Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Pandora on May 19, 2015, 07:35:53 PM
Good retrospective.
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Libertas on May 20, 2015, 07:07:19 AM
I was in the Navy at the time but you couldn't escape the coverage on the news or in newspapers.  I still find it incredible that with the warning belches and the rising mound on the side of the mountain that scientists didn't take it more seriously (other than that David Johnston fella, who perished that day)...but much of volcanology can be dated BSH or ASH (before or after St Helens), and the notoriouis lateral-blast eruption is now known (as a stratovolcano) to be one of the most devastating kinds.  The slope of the terrain helped channel all the landslides, lahores and allowed the pyroclastic flow to (some speculate) race at the speed of sound.  The number most cited for the total energy released in the lateral-burst is 24 megatons, Hiroshima (Little Boy) was just 15 Kilotons.

Some interesting clips here -

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=mount+st+helens+eruption+1980+footage (https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=mount+st+helens+eruption+1980+footage)

Those Rosenquist pics really captured the lateral-blast.  It's still chilling to look at today...
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Alphabet Soup on July 09, 2015, 10:02:42 PM
I can't figure out where to put this so....

"Guess Who's Coming To Breakfast?"

(http://i1098.photobucket.com/albums/g369/J-reb/Lost%20Cause/V__B8FB_zpscvcxhnjm.jpg)

They (there were two of them) made short work of my baby apple trees. ;'(
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Pandora on July 09, 2015, 10:07:50 PM
Did you let 'em?
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Alphabet Soup on July 09, 2015, 10:34:16 PM
Did you let 'em?

My little "orchard" is at the far edge of my property. They hit there first before coming into the yard proper. I shooed them off before they could destroy my veggie garden. I also have a bird-bath and they drank it halfway dry.

My property backs onto a county-owned greenbelt and I get all sorts of critters. I had a coyote two years ago. I've heard reports of bear but I've never seen one on my property.
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: AmericanPatriot on July 10, 2015, 06:12:07 AM
What seems to be working for me is a "scarecrow" (2 boards in a Tee) with some aluminum pie pans and a bar of Irish Spring soap.

(Or a 7mm)
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Libertas on July 10, 2015, 06:31:33 AM
Which thought came first?

1)  How cute!

2)  Who would ever know?

 :D

Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Alphabet Soup on July 10, 2015, 09:50:00 AM
Which thought came first?

1)  How cute!

2)  Who would ever know?

 :D



My place is about a mile away from an indian reservation - that does big business in illegal fireworks. The noise is relentless for a month before until a month after. Last year on the 4th I took advantage of the "cover of fire" to test out the new drum I had purchased for my Saiga 12. I just took it out to the far end of the property and "relieved" it of 20 rounds. If anyone noticed they sure never said anything ;')

(http://i1098.photobucket.com/albums/g369/J-reb/Lost%20Cause/Saiga12-Drum_zps78rpbuhe.jpg)
 
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Libertas on July 10, 2015, 10:28:04 AM
 ::beertoast::
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: John Florida on July 10, 2015, 09:16:27 PM
  Spray the trees with hot sauce. They don't seem to like it at all.
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Alphabet Soup on June 11, 2017, 01:00:31 PM
OK, it's time to get this out of my system. I'll try to be brief but feel free to scroll on by if you like.

There's a reason why my posts have been few and far in between. I've had a smothering cloud of suspicion and doubt hanging over me until recently but I'm no longer constrained from speaking about it.

I have mentioned before that my employer abruptly removed me from my job and reassigned me to a different position in another city. They sought to punish me (and they succeeded) in an effort to induce me to quit (in this they failed). It meant a loss of respect and regard among my peers, a constant implication of incompetence, and of course, the very real damage associated with an arduous commute every morning.

The daily trek took it's toll (figuratively and literally) - 60 miles each way over the worst stretch of highway in Washington state. I was able to make the trip in around 70 minutes for the morning commute, but only by leaving the house before 05:00. I was locked into a schedule that demanded me to remain locked to my desk until at least 14:30. Every minute of delay after that added approximately 5 additional minutes to the commute. My average afternoon drive was 2.5 hours.

If it were simply miles to be transverse that would be bad enough, but these were tortuous miles of bad road and worse drivers. It was a juggernaut that dearly wanted to reduce you to rubble. Every trip, every day brought fresh encounters with idiots and assholes to the point where I lost count.

So my saga starts with a weekend visit to the post office where I find a summons to appear. Oh, and a half dozen letters from attorneys looking for me to call them and hire them. I'm thinking, "this can't be good".

Not a speeding ticket, nor overtime parking. This brief note said that I was being charged with Felony Hit & Run. The date for my court appearance was expired by three days. There was an arrest warrant out for me.

Enjoy your weekend.

The following Monday I went to work trying to unravel the mystery. I called the courthouse, which was in the city 60 miles away, and found out what it would take to see the file they had on me. That turned out to be an in-person visit to the court. I immediately got in my car, drove to the courthouse and surrendered myself.

I went before a judge who asked if my rights had been read to me - they hadn't and everything ground to a halt while they found another officer who could remove me from the courtroom until I could be Mirandized. Then back to the courtroom where the judge asked me if I was aware of the charges. When I explained that I had not seen them everything stopped again until they could obtain a paper copy of everything. After reading through the papers the judge asked for my plea, to which I replied, "Not guilty" of course. The judge then asked why I had missed my original arraignment and I explained that I had been sick and missed the post office for a week.

I was released on my own recognizance and it was off to find a lawyer.

My brother knew a good one and I made an appointment to see him. We went over the paperwork and then we did question and answer for a while. It didn't take long for me to realize that he thought I was at least partially guilty. After an angry exchange he asked me to explain ("in your own words") what happened.

"I don't know" was the gist of it. We had to reconstruct from the officer's report the narrative being used against me: On October 5th of 2015 I allegedly struck another vehicle on the freeway and then fled. Mind you, it was mid-May of 2016 when I received the summons to appear.

"That's interesting" was my reply to my attorney. "What damages are they alleging?"

He showed me a picture of a crumpled rear bumper.

"Even more interesting" I remarked, "since my car doesn't have a scratch on it""

We went outside where I showed him my vehicle. I asked him to take note of my front bumper which, like most cars of the era, is made of painted plastic. "You see, no dents, no scrapes, not even a scratch".

"It never happened"

I have no recollection of these events. As far as I know they never occurred. The lack of damage to my car reinforces my contention. Whoever lodged the complaint was lying through his teeth.

We spoke at length about their case, their process, and my chances. "Can't we just send them pictures of my car and have them dismiss the charges?" I asked. "This is absurd!"

The short (and long) answer was no. There was no short-circuiting the lengthy, perilous process. His retainer was $5000. He was nice enough to let me make installments.

A court date was set and I appeared at what would be the first of 8 appearances. Not one productive thing occurred at any of them. Each one represented a maneuver by either the court, the prosecuting attorney, or my attorney. They made me an offer - 30 days in jail plus $1000, plus court costs. I turned them down. We asked for summary judgement - that the charges be dismissed for lack of evidence. It was refused.

We worked our way toward a trial. The delays, extensions, and postponements pushed us later into the summer and fall.

Finally my attorney came to me with a new offer of some kind of delayed prosecution. He laid out the PA's case, including the fact that six months had transpired and the PA hadn't even read the case file yet. The implication was that the fix was in and no matter how good my evidence - I would be convicted.

After sleeping and praying on it I accepted the offer. I was to have no contact with the "victim" (someone that I couldn't point out if my life depended upon it), and keep my nose clean for six months. If I could successfully complete the terms of the diversion the court would dismiss the charges against me.

June 1st marks the passage of the six month deadline and I have received the Notice To Dismiss from the court. It's finally over.

All in all this cost me a year of misery, $6000 in attorney fees and expenses, and a ton of reflection on "what is right"

I have no pearls of wisdom, no parable of truth. No simplistic "Don't drink and drive" or "Be sure to wear your seatbelt" here. How can anyone defend themselves against someone inventing an event? The answer is you can't.

Sometimes you just get f*cked. I thank God I had the resources to pay what needed paying. I would hate to be a pauper in this POS country these days. The only tiny satisfaction I have from any of this is the knowledge that some creep tried to extort money from me by lying about a car crash (that never happened) and he failed.

Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Pandora on June 11, 2017, 01:36:20 PM
Damn.  Thank God it's over and that you did have the money. 

If I were you, and I'm not saying you should, I'd be making it my business to find out who did this.

Enough of this kind of bullspit happening to people like us, but the Ruling Class continues to skate on far, far worse.  There is no justice in the Justice System.
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: John Florida on June 11, 2017, 01:52:12 PM
  You have to find out who it was that reported this. You probably drive next to them every day and you got picked out of a crowed.
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Pandora on June 11, 2017, 02:17:28 PM
And you need a dash-cam.
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Alphabet Soup on June 11, 2017, 02:30:49 PM
During the course of discovery process I did get the persons name and town. He isn't anyone that I've knowingly crossed paths before. I do not have a picture and while under a no-contact court order was reluctant to venture to find out.

I have since been transferred to another different assignment that takes me in the opposite direction so hopefully will never encounter him.
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: AlanS on June 11, 2017, 03:13:44 PM
Enough of this kind of bullspit happening to people like us, but the Ruling Class continues to skate on far, far worse.  There is no justice in the Justice System.

^^^THIS!^^^
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: John Florida on June 11, 2017, 07:56:27 PM
  Did they put in a claim to your insurance?? 
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Alphabet Soup on June 11, 2017, 09:56:50 PM
  Did they put in a claim to your insurance?? 

Surprisingly enough, no.
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Pandora on June 12, 2017, 05:22:11 AM
If you don't mind my asking, what did your brother say?
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Libertas on June 12, 2017, 07:06:36 AM
It's this kind of bullsplatter that reduces my empathy for statists and the slime that supports them to a perfect zero.  When the SHTF, and it will, the bill coming due alone ensures a robust explosion of karma.

Sorry you had to go through all that 'Soup, on top of everything else going on.
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Weisshaupt on June 12, 2017, 09:05:33 AM
1)  New Job.

2) Having been railroaded by my college girlfriend  I sympathize. The cheapest course is usually compliance.

Aside:
(She told Deans I planned to kill her,  Deans didn't accuse me of anything, and told me to leave her alone ( I already was)  and when the Deans didn't like me asking what I was accused of,  Deans forcefully committed me to a Psych ward....But , with the help of my friends, and some unexpected allies in the insurance industry... the doctors figured out I wasn't crazy..and I tried to return to campus with my little piece of paper that proves I am not  crazy. ( I love that joke.) only to be told they lied when they said I could come back if I had such a piece of paper.  I had a case - they put up posters defaming me without evidence. The lied on the hospital admissions. They made a deal to accept that piece of paper then refused. But why spend $10-20K and three years of your life  when you still don't get to attend your last semester with all of your friends? So I accepted exile and transferred credits. )

 But they were able to do that outside the criminal court system at a private school .. What could they have possibly had to put the fix in with your case?  They had no evidence but a police report, right?  This would have been a jury trial, right?
What could they possibly have lied about or presented to make a jury believe them - when the PA hadn't even opened the case file? Unless you have a lot of prior history to dredge up , what will they convict you on? If it was me I would have switched to drag it out more mode.. my guess is that the PA realized they didn't have the right guy and wanted to save face, and the longer you let that case sit on his desk, the better the deals would get.. but then the deal you took wasn't a bad one. (there is a limit to what you could take  dragging it out as well)  But if the event was invented, the evidence would have to be as well.

Since they made no insurance claim against you,and there wasn't a prior grudge,  what most likely happened was that this person really did get into a hit and run, and then reported the wrong license plate. And again, now they want to save face as well, but not to the point of committing their own crime of putting in an false insurance claim..  When you live in a nest of progressive narcissism,  most of the people you interact with will act accordingly.

3) You got a list right? Add the name and wait


Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: John Florida on June 12, 2017, 10:40:10 AM
  Did they put in a claim to your insurance?? 

Surprisingly enough, no.

  And they called the cops??   Why??
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Alphabet Soup on June 12, 2017, 10:56:05 AM
If you don't mind my asking, what did your brother say?

My brother has always been supportive, especially when the chips are down. He referred me to a competent attorney and also provided me with a "reality check" at intervals throughout the course of the ordeal.

He was in favor of fighting the charges and going to trial. He was aghast at the incompetence of the PA. He helped me create my question list for the attorney to ensure I covered all the bases.

His background is in construction defect law and not criminal law but basics are basics. In the end it was me convincing him that I couldn't get a fair shake (and not him convincing me). He grieves along with me on the loss of productivity and money down the proverbial rathole but was thankful that he didn't have to retrieve me from jail (As am I!).

 
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Alphabet Soup on June 12, 2017, 11:04:56 AM
  Did they put in a claim to your insurance?? 

Surprisingly enough, no.

  And they called the cops??   Why??

"The best defense is a good offense"

It is just a guess but I imagine that he felt it would add credibility to his damage claim against me if he could get a police report into the mix. That plus the claim that I hit him and then ran away makes him clearly the victim. He wouldn't need to file a claim with the insurance company if the court awarded damages. Plus he would have the cops as a barrier between us - because he is a cowardly liar.

What baffled me was the time delay between when this allegedly happened - 10/5/15 - and when they sent out the summons - 5/16-16. Why did it take them six months to notify me? Why did they never reach out to me as part of an investigation?
Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: Libertas on June 12, 2017, 12:14:56 PM
Perhaps it is an INTJ thing, my occasionally volcanic temper, my abject hatred of the lazy and cowardly, my lineage...basically everything that makes up my DNA virtually assures me I would have destroyed the planet if that is what it took to see right prevail.

I thought I was being played for a sap once by a settlement seeking jackass in Duluth some years ago.  Nothing ever came of it...I lit up the idiot cop responding to this bogus call and even taunted the idiot making the allegation to his face while officer no-nuts stood there like a moron.  I also took pics for evidence.  I am not built to quit on anything and I have only quit one endeavor my entire life...so it isn't impossible, just rare.  When in the right I will endure much.

I think this clown ruining 'Soup's year deserves addition to the list...Grade A cowardly POS incapable of taking any kind of personal responsibility for anything...probably a two-time voter of Hussein Obamakov no doubt.  Hell has plenty of vacancies and garbage like this will be residing there sooner or later.

Title: Re: So I Married an Axe Murderer
Post by: John Florida on June 12, 2017, 12:46:59 PM
  Did they put in a claim to your insurance?? 

Surprisingly enough, no.

  And they called the cops??   Why??

"The best defense is a good offense"

It is just a guess but I imagine that he felt it would add credibility to his damage claim against me if he could get a police report into the mix. That plus the claim that I hit him and then ran away makes him clearly the victim. He wouldn't need to file a claim with the insurance company if the court awarded damages. Plus he would have the cops as a barrier between us - because he is a cowardly liar.

What baffled me was the time delay between when this allegedly happened - 10/5/15 - and when they sent out the summons - 5/16-16. Why did it take them six months to notify me? Why did they never reach out to me as part of an investigation?

  This was not an accident he wanted insurance company involved in on purpose they would have come out a lot sooner and finding no damage would investigate and go after false claim.  If I was a betting man and I am my money would be on he has a cop in his circle that helped him do this. 

   You're lawyer didn't do you any justice he wanted his money and out of this asap.  You have no damage it would be simple enough to prove that you had no bodywork done how is you vehicle clean and his has damage??

  This is one bullshyt  case and you got fued and I believe you had the wrong lawyer.  You got a name now go on line and start digging as to who he is and who is around him that might lead to you.  Don't quit on your good name.