Author Topic: An observation  (Read 1397 times)

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Offline AlanS

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An observation
« on: August 11, 2016, 07:25:38 AM »
My wife and I have been blessed with some of the greatest friends and family members one could ask for. The sacrifices they've made to help and/or show support while we get through this ordeal with our son is nothing short of amazing.



But....


Our son is in ICU. He's got serious injuries, under sedation most of the time and when he's not he's miserable. I get the impression he doesn't really give a sh!t if anyone is in the room with him. He just wants this to be over. The ONLY person who gets a positive response is his girlfriend. When he knows she's there, everyone else ceases to exist. I know you're as shocked as I was. ::hysterical::

My question is if you know the patient isn't in a chatty mood, in pain, etc, do you really want to force yourself on him just to show you care? I pretty sure he appreciates their love and support, just not right now. I've already told my wife, if I'm EVER in that shape, the ONLY people I want to see are her and my sons. I love the rest of them, but I don't think I want to see them. I figure my wife can just give me a list of who's there, called, etc and I'll catch 'em later. When I feel up to it, I'll let her know and the folks can start their parade through the room.

What would you do?
"Malo periculosam, libertatem quam quietam servitutem."

Thomas Jefferson

Offline Libertas

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Re: An observation
« Reply #1 on: August 11, 2016, 08:33:52 AM »
I think it is a guy thing...we don't want a parade...we want to GTFO of there as soon as possible and we don't want to be causing stress on others because that will stress us out...plus if I have any bathroom accidents the less people see that the better...so yeah, more of a guy thing I think...and it's hard for a guy to tell his sweatie-pie to take a hike for a couple reasons...if everybody else stops by and says hello and doesn't linger, probably OK with most guys.  Maybe time things for when he comes out of tests/operations so you know what the deal is and he see's you there.  Hard one to tell a parent, or some siblings.  Go with your gut.
We are now where The Founders were when they faced despotism.

Offline Septugenarian

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Re: An observation
« Reply #2 on: August 11, 2016, 09:35:08 AM »
Cut and pasted from another board.

[Qiote Originally Posted by ColdSVT ]
As an RN i see a lot of this daily

I like for my really acute patients to get as much rest ad possible.

Many times I will just tell the families and friends to just hold thier hand etc...don't try to wake them, and if they are sleeping don't mess with them at all.

Rest is good for the body, if they are sedated there is a damn good reason for it.

Should the patient not want to see anyone in ask the family or friend to respect that wish...and I can make sure they respect that wish one way or the other

Ive had some family members really take things too far [End of Quote]

My response:
This is good advice. Nothing is required of the patient who probably just wants to rest, but they know you are there and do appreciate that, even if they do not respond.
I'm entitled (to be cranky).

Online Pandora

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Re: An observation
« Reply #3 on: August 11, 2016, 09:40:59 AM »
Quote
What would you do?

I'd do as he wants ...... for now.  And as you wrote, you can keep a list of who came to visit and talk with him about it later when he'll care.
"Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer." - Mark Twain

"Let us assume for the moment everything you say about me is true. That just makes your problem bigger, doesn't it?"

Offline Weisshaupt

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Re: An observation
« Reply #4 on: August 11, 2016, 09:53:32 AM »
Lets see.. I am in extreme pain,  whatever my plans for the immediate future were,  they are screwed ,  and you want me to exchange pleasantries and be cordial with visitors? 

Maybe its an INTJ thing, or more generally an introvert thing, but interacting with people takes effort. Its not uplifting.. its exhausting.  I am sure there are some who benefit from the constant stream of well-wishers. But I also know that  I wouldn't and there are others like me.  Asking the patient what they would prefer ( if they are capable of answering)  is probably best,  and if they can't answer,  I think Septugenarian's quote is right on.

Your real friends and family are those whom can see you at your worst - mentally, physically,  and still love you and accept you, even if you are incapable of  currying to their feelings and expectations  or even giving a crap about them right now.
I would simply tell well wishers that he isn't up to seeing people right now.. and any person who actually cares about him will understand that.



Offline Alphabet Soup

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Re: An observation
« Reply #5 on: August 11, 2016, 11:58:46 AM »
I hate hospitals.

I grew up observing that hospitals were places where you went in sick and came out dead. Although my understanding of the place grew as I did my reticence and reluctance to spend much time there didn't.

The closest I've ever been to what you describe Alan, is when my dad went into the hospital for the last time. I may be emotionally stunted but I do have good instincts. I can sense the propriety of the moment and act accordingly. Some members of my extended family cannot.

I put myself in the position of gatekeeper regarding those members and made sure that they accepted why I was limiting their access - even if they couldn't understand. In one situation I advised against a visit but they showed up anyway - only to be turned away. They were pissed at me (probably still are) but pop needed the rest. When it was appropriate I made sure they knew that they were welcome.

Over the years I've noted that invariably one family member instinctively positions themselves as gatekeeper. It's usually (but not always) the closest member (like spouse or a mother). As a visitor I always inquired of the gatekeeper whether it was wise to visit before I made the trip. That's called consideration and it's also common sense.

If you have a gatekeeper make sure that he/she isn't being undercut by anyone. If you don't have one, become one.

Online Pandora

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Re: An observation
« Reply #6 on: August 11, 2016, 03:42:51 PM »
Quote
I hate hospitals.

Ditto.

And, Alan, as soon as he is able, get him out of there; hospitals are no place for the injured.
"Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer." - Mark Twain

"Let us assume for the moment everything you say about me is true. That just makes your problem bigger, doesn't it?"

Online ToddF

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Re: An observation
« Reply #7 on: August 11, 2016, 05:13:30 PM »
I'd be happy as all get out that he's out of danger and now in a cranky mood.  Then I'd say see ya tomorrow, if he wants to be left alone.

If it was me I'd prefer to do the bed pan things and stuff like that alone.

Offline AlanS

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Re: An observation
« Reply #8 on: August 11, 2016, 08:17:49 PM »

And, Alan, as soon as he is able, get him out of there; hospitals are no place for the injured.

I'm thinking that's the plan. As soon as they put the plates in his arm and he gets stable, they're going to ship him into rehab somewhere.

And I want to mark this date down in history. My lovely bride actually agreed with me. Starting this evening, only us, his brothers and their wives/girlfriends will be admitted to see Nick. Any one can come to the waiting room, but that's as far as they'll go.

Also, I should probably clarify. The ICU here only allows visitors 4 hrs/ day one hour at a time. We see him at 9 am, 1 pm, 5 pm, and 9 pm.

Also I'd like to say good nurses are the unsung heroes of the medical world. I put the emphasis on good.
"Malo periculosam, libertatem quam quietam servitutem."

Thomas Jefferson

Online Pandora

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Re: An observation
« Reply #9 on: August 11, 2016, 09:10:27 PM »
 Good Nurses:  also guardian angels.

Still praying; tell him for us, willya.
"Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer." - Mark Twain

"Let us assume for the moment everything you say about me is true. That just makes your problem bigger, doesn't it?"

Offline Libertas

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Re: An observation
« Reply #10 on: August 12, 2016, 05:33:35 PM »
Make sure the transition/rehab facility is checked out both in terms of staff and facility rankings if they have those for providers and be sure whatever insurance he has you know what is covered, proper checking now will save big headaches later.  I presume he will need the usual slate of doctors approvals before they agree to release, but if his fever goes away and no issues with surgeries and recovery and his neuro tests are clean it should roll pretty quick.

My sister is an excellent RN, a good one can make a huge difference in a good recovery!

Treats are often appreciated, but check first before bringing anything.   ;)
We are now where The Founders were when they faced despotism.

Offline AlanS

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Re: An observation
« Reply #11 on: August 12, 2016, 08:04:23 PM »
Treats are often appreciated, but check first before bringing anything.   ;)

At this stage of the game, the only treat I'm thinking about is tequila. They did the emergency surgery Monday and nothing since. So all we can do is look at him wired/tubed up, then sit in the ICU waiting area. I'm ready for them to fix his arm so we can get to the healing part.

I guess patience isn't one of my virtues.

And who ever designed the waiting room chairs is a freaking sadist.
"Malo periculosam, libertatem quam quietam servitutem."

Thomas Jefferson

Offline Libertas

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Re: An observation
« Reply #12 on: August 15, 2016, 07:04:18 AM »
Treats are often appreciated, but check first before bringing anything.   ;)

At this stage of the game, the only treat I'm thinking about is tequila. They did the emergency surgery Monday and nothing since. So all we can do is look at him wired/tubed up, then sit in the ICU waiting area. I'm ready for them to fix his arm so we can get to the healing part.

I guess patience isn't one of my virtues.

And who ever designed the waiting room chairs is a freaking sadist.

Yeah, I suck at patience too...probably explains how my temper can have a fuse of just a Planck unit (10-43s)!

And yeah, some places still have sucky furniture..it's almost like they don't want people around.

And 'Soup's comment about hating hospitals I forgot to comment on...I always felt the same...ever since witnessing my grandmother dying of ovarian cancer when I was like 11...always loathed going to hospitals...now I work for 'em...how ironic.  But there are some amazing things that occur in them.  From the sounds of things it appears you have a good team working on your boy, so that is a blessing!
We are now where The Founders were when they faced despotism.