It's About Liberty: A Conservative Forum
Topics => General Board => Topic started by: KittenClaws on January 02, 2014, 10:07:24 PM
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Here we are the Alter. We have the dress, the guests, the perfect colors, the perfect cake; the perfect toast has been made as we lift and drink from our custom etched glasses.
And then life begins.
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And you find out that your spouse is kind of a jerk.
Do you still love him/her, or was your love based on preconceived notions?
Do you love the man that can't support you and you wind up living in a box on the side if the road?
Do you love the woman who sits on her butt while you work and birches that you don't bring in enough money?
What is better? What is worse?
Richer? Poorer?
Sickness? Health?
What does your vow to God mean?
You say while its comfortable for you?
I'm not talking about marriages that have serious, physical abuse, don't get me wrong. I'm asking about the imperfect marriage. All is well, but, dang, is my husband/wife a jerk, or what?
What part does your vow to God play in your relationship?
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I believe that depends on the individual. Just look at the divorce rate nowadays.
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I have seen counseling repair some marriages, as long as both enter it agreeing to look at how they act and think; rather than entering counseling to get the spouse to change.
Every marriage changes over time. Handling the change in a mutually agreeable way is how marriages survive and evolve.
There are some issues that are fatal: Drug abuse; alcohol abuse, repeated cheating; and mental illness.
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I always tell my children, you think going into marriage that it is all about love. But it is not love that will sustain a marriage over the decades; it is commitment.
Love is of course, a key component to a happy long marriage. But every single marriage will endure periods where one spouse views the other as unlovable. During those times, whether they be hours, days, weeks, or even months or years, it is the commitment of marriage that will sustain the family relationship between spouses. Love finds its way back in, so long as commitment is not broken.
When one commits before God, and actually believes that God is witness to the commitment, the commitment becomes stronger.
I like this bit from Ecclesiastes. It doesn't reference marriage specifically, but taken in the context of the previous verses - two people helping one another and being better than one alone - it is easy for me to liken that 3rd strand of the break-resistant cord to Christ Jesus, or God/higher power for those not inclined to literal Christianity. Two can defend themselves, but a married couple with Jesus as the 3rd strand of their marriage cord is stronger still.
9 Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor:
10 If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.
11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
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I do believe Apostle Paul has some things to say about your questions on marriage
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I do not really believe in love, at least not the way kids today use the term. Love is a decision about how you treat someone. It is your commitment to treat them this way for life. Kids often mean the emotional feeling, which is intense at first, but wanes. It cannot be depended on. But, commitment can be. The VOW, pledge, promise, that is the commitment. It stands when you emotionally want to twist her head off, or when he is irritating the snot out of you.
This commitment before God stands, when all else fails. Rough times pass. Emotions change. They rise and fall, but you cannot stay for the rising if you abandon your commitment during an emotional valley.