Not literally of course. My ex-wife couldn't her own budget, let alone a gazillion dollar budget.
But here's where I think we made our mistake, defenders of liberty: we thought this campaign was clearly about the assault on individual freedom, fiscal responsibility, chain of command and personal honor. We thought it was so obviously and clearly about Capitalism vs. Marxism. There was no way any right-thinking person could fail to see how Obama needed to be booted from office.
My ex-wife wouldn't recognize any of those concepts. She's not a bad, irresponsible, spiteful, evil person. That's not my point. Well, maybe she is, but it's still not my point.
My point is that housewives have elected the government. Don't flame me as a sexist pig yet; just hear me out.
All my ex-wife wanted was a comfortable home, nice car and no worries. I never mattered if we couldn't afford something. Her stock phrase was "but I NEEDED it". That's how I came home from the war to find a $1200 vacuum cleaner, new car and empty bank accounts. (It's called Power of Attorney. We all had to sign them before going off to die. Hah! Joke was on us who lived!)
So when the newspaper columnist wrote the article about why Obama should be elected, she cited the fact that Romney would cut FEMA (gasp!), cut federal programs (horrors!), and ruin the fat, dumb and happy stupor that we Americans had sunk into.
And we let it happen. For some reason we gave away our liberty and freedom for the chance at a quiet life and a reprieve from the responsibility of being responsible. We all finally gave in and said "Fine honey, buy the car. We'll find a way to pay for it." "You drive and I'll pump the gas." We wimped out.
And it turns out that apparently modern men don't mind their blissful ignorance. It's no longer our responsibility so it's no longer our problem. Voting Republican would have meant being accountable for the problem and too much of the country isn't ready to do that. They're either too wrapped up in their petty issues (let's vote for whoever is friendlier to gays; let's vote for who promises to screw up the economy in order to "save" the environment) or too concerned about being seen as an enlightened liberal (white men got us into this mess, let the women and "people of color" have a chance).
That's why Obama won- not enough people recognize him for the enemy of the Republic that he truly is. They married him and they're willing to put their entire lives in his hands. We have too many wives and not enough husbands. Wait a minute! I'm still not talking about women vs men. I'm talking about husbandry. Managing the household and balancing the needs of the family against the ability to provide for those needs.
So Obama is going to preserve FEMA, provide healthcare to every American, make sure everyone gets enough to eat, goes to bed on time and washes behind their ears. And sit up straight! Don't put that in your mouth!
Oh my God! He's not my ex-wife, he's my mother!
Eventually dad comes home and has to sort it all out. I guess America's not ready for that yet. But when the reckoning comes due, FEMA is going to be just about the last item on the housewife's wish list. When 10 million government employees get laid off and when all the entitlement programs are slashed because our creditors want their money there will be wailing and gnashing of teeth. The Chinese will be in a race with the Germans for domination of the world. The days of America as a superpower have officially ended. We now begin the fight for relevance and our very existence. It's like watching the last superhero die.
I can't picture myself as a "kept man". I don't want the government to be my mother, father, wife or keeper.
And that's where the Republicans made their mistake. They stuck to the issues and laid out a logical argument, assuming that logical people would make a logical decision.
We should have used an emotional appeal. When Biden told our esteemed southern brothers that Romney would put them back in chains, we should have countered with "Obama's going to make you his bitch! That pimp is going make you do all the work and he'll take all the money!" I have a feeling the minority voters would have come to our side in droves. I guess it's time to start gearing up for mid-term elections.
On the other hand, the analogy of the failed marriage still has some relevance. There's always the possibility of divorce...