Mask Warz Part II
So, having survived the tire store not exactly filling me with any joy and camaraderie, I decided to retreat to my castle and pull the drawbridge up behind me. Every time I go out into the world I am greeted with abject stupidity and I want no part of it.
My brothers come to visit from time to time and other than that I sing, "Make the world go away"
I had a coupon for free grocery delivery and took them up on it. Score! No trip to the store. I completed a refi on my home loan and did everything over the net. The bank sent a notery to my house for closing - score again!
But perishable groceries only last about so long and I needed to shop. I had put it off for as long as I possibly could.
So off to the grocery store this morning.
The last time I went inside the store they were encouraging masks, not requiring them. I had been able to wave them off. But I knew this time would be different and much more stringent.
The serpentine line was gone from outside the store - this was a good sign. I grabbed a cart and entered. Once I was committed to the store I encountered the signs mandating a mask. Too late now, I pushed on. Stock workers were busy restocking shelves. They had masks around their necks that they pulled up when they saw me approaching. Another employee exited the back room - no mask. This is going better than I expected!
I walk the aisles gathering the stuff I needed. I encounter two more store employees, one no mask the other neck mask. As I turn the corner I see another clerk type approach. She gives the same saccharin "How are you today?" greeting but she isn't smiling.
"Is there a reason we aren't wearing our mask today?" There's no concern - this is all authority speaking. Did I mention that I don't like people trying to boss me around?
"Yes" was all I said.
"Well you need to be wearing a mask - it's the rule!" she demanded.
"No thank you" I replied.
She strikes "the pose" (jutting out her jaw, hands on her hips), "You have to wear a mask!"
"I disagree"
"It's the law!"
"There are exceptions"
"What's your exception?"
"I have respiratory issues"
"Oh"
I finish up and make my way for the checkout. There's only one station open (along with the self-serve which I refuse to use). Only one person ahead of me - good! The checker is the chatty type but I'm not in a hurry (I can see the finish line!) and patiently waiting my turn.
The checker completes the transaction and wipes all the ControllaVirus germs to the side of the conveyor. I start placing my groceries on the conveyor when I hear a muffled voice behind me (barely).
"Murf furkle tblab" the masked man mutters. "Pardon?" I respond.
"Didn't you see me standing here?!" he almost shouts aggressively.
The technique works so well that I just had to lean on it once again. "No" I say, "I didn't see you at all. Were you hiding around the corner?"
This isn't one of those super stores and space is limited, even in the best of times. ControllaVirus has the anti-social distancing rules that mark out where everyone is supposed to stand. Six feet from the 2nd shopper would land right in the middle of the main aisle so the put the next one about eight or nine feet away at the edge of the next aisle. Approaching from the direction I came one can not see anyone standing there.
So I start pulling my stuff off the belt and he shouts, "No you don't gotta do that!"
"I didn't mean to cut - I'll let you go first" I calmly reply.
"No, it's too late. I just wondered why you cut"
"I didn't "cut" and you're welcome to go first if you like." Aren't I being gracious?
"No, go ahead" he insists.
I shrug and quickly load my stuff, loathing ever having stepped inside this little corner of hell. The checker sees that I'm not masked and immediately gets on the intercom with coded message about a notorious scofflaw. My tolerance is fading fast. Another female approaches and declares, "Oh, the "medical issues" person." she says snotty. "What was the issue again?"
One again I fix my stern-face glare on her and calmly (but firmly) state: "Did you know that it is against the law to discriminate against persons with disabilities? Were you aware that you are forbidden by the Americans with Disabilities Act to question my medical health? And you do understand that you cannot make me wear a mask, right?!"
That stopped her dead in her tracks.
The checker handed me a flimsy paper mask and grimly returned to her task when she saw that I held it up refusing to don it.
I'm going back to ground and I ain't coming out until sanity returns!
