Author Topic: Entertainment of the day  (Read 12069 times)

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Offline Libertas

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Re: Entertainment of the day
« Reply #20 on: February 26, 2014, 06:37:35 AM »
Thank God, there are no pictures or video of this.   ;D
We are now where The Founders were when they faced despotism.

Offline rustybayonet

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Re: I WON!!!!!!
« Reply #21 on: February 26, 2014, 06:46:43 AM »
What a Deal!....I won a Kenyan Lottery according to an email received from a Nigerian prince; he holds a MILLION DOLLARS and he wants to send it to me FREE!

And all I have to do is give him all my bank account numbers so he can transfer the money!

And then I got ANOTHER email; It too is from a KENYAN prince, and he wants to give me FREE healthcare for life!

…and all I have to do is give him all my bank account numbers, MY SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER  and  MY CONFIDENTIAL HEALTH INFORMATION so he can make it happen!


Am I lucky, or what?

Quick, go to the zoo and have your response to BO's cousin the Prince, sent your reply.  Joe Mendy has been taught sign language;


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All gave some -- Some gave all    Humbled to be one of the 33 original members of the Coast Guard Honor Guard, started in 1962.
 Today is the Tomorrow, we worried about Yesterday

Offline Libertas

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Re: I WON!!!!!!
« Reply #22 on: February 26, 2014, 06:50:54 AM »
I'd definitely go with "or what". 
We are now where The Founders were when they faced despotism.

Offline Libertas

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Re: Evolution in a nut shell...
« Reply #23 on: February 26, 2014, 06:54:05 AM »
 ::beertoast::
We are now where The Founders were when they faced despotism.

Offline oldcoastie6468

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Lovemaking Tips For Seniors
« Reply #24 on: February 26, 2014, 08:33:53 AM »
Lovemaking Tips For Seniors

1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed.
 
2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.
 
3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)
 
4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.
 
5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.
 
6. Use extra polygrip so your teeth don't end up under the bed.
 
7. Have ibuprofin ready in case you actually complete the act.
 
 
 
'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer, 'Pick one; I can't do both!'
 
'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot..
 
'OLD' IS WHEN...
Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
 
'OLD' IS WHEN....
You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
 
'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police .
 
'OLD' IS WHEN..
'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take a laxative today.
 
'OLD' IS WHEN.....
'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot..
 
'OLD' IS WHEN...
An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.
 
'OLD' IS WHEN....
You're not sure if these are facts or jokes.
 
(I posted this in large type so you can read it.)
U.S. Coast Guard veteran, 1964-1968

Will Rogers never met Barack Obama. He would not like Obama.

I hate liberals. Liberalism is a disease that causes severe brain damage after it tries to suck knowledge and history out of yours.

Offline ChrstnHsbndFthr

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Re: Entertainment of the day
« Reply #25 on: February 26, 2014, 11:31:51 AM »
Good one, OC
“My mission today is to go forth and tell people about why I follow Christ and also what the Bible teaches, and part of that teaching is that women and men are meant to be together.

“However, I would never treat anyone with disrespect just because they are different from me. We are all created by the Almighty and like Him, I love all of humanity. We would all be better off if we loved God and loved each other.”
Phil Robertson an elder in the church of Christ

Offline AlanS

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Re: Entertainment of the day
« Reply #26 on: February 26, 2014, 01:30:48 PM »
3 elderly gentlemen were discussing their physical ailments.

The first says "I used to take a dump every morning at 6 am sharp. Now I can't get my bowels to move unless I take a laxative.
The second says "I used to pee every morning at 6:30 am. Now it's just a dribble.
The third says "I take a big dump every morning at 6 am sharp. And I pee like a racehorse at 6:30 every morning.
"Well, what's the problem?" asked the other 2.
"I don't usually wake up until 7 am" said the third.
"Malo periculosam, libertatem quam quietam servitutem."

Thomas Jefferson

Offline Libertas

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Re: Entertainment of the day
« Reply #27 on: February 26, 2014, 02:40:49 PM »
 ::hysterical::
We are now where The Founders were when they faced despotism.

Offline ChrstnHsbndFthr

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Re: Entertainment of the day
« Reply #28 on: February 26, 2014, 03:45:22 PM »
3 elderly gentlemen were discussing their physical ailments.

The first says "I used to take a dump every morning at 6 am sharp. Now I can't get my bowels to move unless I take a laxative.
The second says "I used to pee every morning at 6:30 am. Now it's just a dribble.
The third says "I take a big dump every morning at 6 am sharp. And I pee like a racehorse at 6:30 every morning.
"Well, what's the problem?" asked the other 2.
"I don't usually wake up until 7 am" said the third.

I hate it when that happens...again.
“My mission today is to go forth and tell people about why I follow Christ and also what the Bible teaches, and part of that teaching is that women and men are meant to be together.

“However, I would never treat anyone with disrespect just because they are different from me. We are all created by the Almighty and like Him, I love all of humanity. We would all be better off if we loved God and loved each other.”
Phil Robertson an elder in the church of Christ

Offline AlanS

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Libs
« Reply #29 on: February 26, 2014, 05:31:00 PM »
"Malo periculosam, libertatem quam quietam servitutem."

Thomas Jefferson

Offline ChrstnHsbndFthr

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Re: Libs
« Reply #30 on: February 26, 2014, 07:06:53 PM »
“My mission today is to go forth and tell people about why I follow Christ and also what the Bible teaches, and part of that teaching is that women and men are meant to be together.

“However, I would never treat anyone with disrespect just because they are different from me. We are all created by the Almighty and like Him, I love all of humanity. We would all be better off if we loved God and loved each other.”
Phil Robertson an elder in the church of Christ

Offline oldcoastie6468

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Re: Entertainment of the day
« Reply #31 on: February 27, 2014, 02:32:51 PM »
When You're Over 60.....


Cowboy: "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."
Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"
Cowboy: "Nah... She's purty good lookin'....."

When you are over sixty who gives a ####............
***********

This #### looked at my beer belly last night and sarcastically said, "Is that Corona or Bud?"
I said, "There's a tap underneath; taste it and find out."

When you are over sixty who gives a ####?

***********

I was talking to a girl in the bar last night.  She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

When you are over sixty who gives a ####?

***********

I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs. "Really" she said, "Go on then...try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose  patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"

I said,  "Yesterday."

When you are over sixty who gives a ####?

***********

I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

When you are over sixty who gives a ####?

***********

I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table. I said, "Nice legs."
The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now. "

When you are over sixty who gives a ####?
U.S. Coast Guard veteran, 1964-1968

Will Rogers never met Barack Obama. He would not like Obama.

I hate liberals. Liberalism is a disease that causes severe brain damage after it tries to suck knowledge and history out of yours.

Offline ChrstnHsbndFthr

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Re: Entertainment of the day
« Reply #32 on: February 27, 2014, 08:32:05 PM »

Some of your best, OC, way to rack'em up!!!

When You're Over 60.....


Cowboy: "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."
Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"
Cowboy: "Nah... She's purty good lookin'....."

When you are over sixty who gives a ####............
***********

This #### looked at my beer belly last night and sarcastically said, "Is that Corona or Bud?"
I said, "There's a tap underneath; taste it and find out."

When you are over sixty who gives a ####?

***********

I was talking to a girl in the bar last night.  She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

When you are over sixty who gives a ####?

***********

I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs. "Really" she said, "Go on then...try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose  patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"

I said,  "Yesterday."

When you are over sixty who gives a ####?

***********

I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

When you are over sixty who gives a ####?

***********

I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table. I said, "Nice legs."
The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now. "

When you are over sixty who gives a ####?
“My mission today is to go forth and tell people about why I follow Christ and also what the Bible teaches, and part of that teaching is that women and men are meant to be together.

“However, I would never treat anyone with disrespect just because they are different from me. We are all created by the Almighty and like Him, I love all of humanity. We would all be better off if we loved God and loved each other.”
Phil Robertson an elder in the church of Christ

Offline oldcoastie6468

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Re: Entertainment of the day
« Reply #33 on: February 27, 2014, 10:18:43 PM »

Some of your best, OC, way to rack'em up!!!

Thanks!  ::thumbsup::
U.S. Coast Guard veteran, 1964-1968

Will Rogers never met Barack Obama. He would not like Obama.

I hate liberals. Liberalism is a disease that causes severe brain damage after it tries to suck knowledge and history out of yours.

Offline oldcoastie6468

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Re: Entertainment of the day
« Reply #34 on: February 27, 2014, 10:22:30 PM »
A very successful attorney parked his brand new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he was getting out, a truck came along too closely and completely tore off the driver's door.
 
Fortunately, a cop in a police car was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the Lexus with his lights flashing.
 
Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the attorney started screaming hysterically about how his Lexus, which he had just purchased the day before, was completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how any car body shop tried to make it new again.
 
After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life."
 
"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.
 
The cop replied, "Don't you realize that your left arm is missing? It was severed when the truck hit you!"
 
"Oh, my God!"  he screamed, "my Rolex!"
U.S. Coast Guard veteran, 1964-1968

Will Rogers never met Barack Obama. He would not like Obama.

I hate liberals. Liberalism is a disease that causes severe brain damage after it tries to suck knowledge and history out of yours.

Offline Libertas

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Re: Entertainment of the day
« Reply #35 on: February 28, 2014, 06:48:42 AM »
I like a good morning chuckle, and this has been a good morning!   ::thumbsup::
We are now where The Founders were when they faced despotism.

Offline oldcoastie6468

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Admit it......
« Reply #36 on: March 01, 2014, 03:25:25 PM »
U.S. Coast Guard veteran, 1964-1968

Will Rogers never met Barack Obama. He would not like Obama.

I hate liberals. Liberalism is a disease that causes severe brain damage after it tries to suck knowledge and history out of yours.

Offline oldcoastie6468

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Food for Thought
« Reply #37 on: March 01, 2014, 03:34:14 PM »
U.S. Coast Guard veteran, 1964-1968

Will Rogers never met Barack Obama. He would not like Obama.

I hate liberals. Liberalism is a disease that causes severe brain damage after it tries to suck knowledge and history out of yours.

Offline oldcoastie6468

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High level meeting
« Reply #38 on: March 01, 2014, 03:39:16 PM »
U.S. Coast Guard veteran, 1964-1968

Will Rogers never met Barack Obama. He would not like Obama.

I hate liberals. Liberalism is a disease that causes severe brain damage after it tries to suck knowledge and history out of yours.

Offline oldcoastie6468

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Condi Rice
« Reply #39 on: March 01, 2014, 03:52:31 PM »
U.S. Coast Guard veteran, 1964-1968

Will Rogers never met Barack Obama. He would not like Obama.

I hate liberals. Liberalism is a disease that causes severe brain damage after it tries to suck knowledge and history out of yours.