Author Topic: A Little Levity --  (Read 4570 times)

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Offline Libertas

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Re: A Little Levity --
« Reply #40 on: January 12, 2016, 11:20:09 AM »
Yaaah shuure, datsa goodun'!   ::hysterical::
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Offline warpmine

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Re: A Little Levity --
« Reply #41 on: January 12, 2016, 09:06:24 PM »
We use to say that for da Ravens until they actually won the thing. Then they got extra stupid and took Obama money to advertise Oscheistercare and they've been in the toilet since. ::hysterical::
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The soap box, the ballot box, the jury box, and the cartridge box.

Offline Libertas

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Re: A Little Levity --
« Reply #42 on: January 13, 2016, 06:52:41 AM »
Yeah, but as bad as your QB looks now...he still looks better than Teddy Ponder.   ::unknowncomic::
Irrumabo!  GOP? - Nope. No more. They made their bed, now let them die in it.*
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Offline ToddF

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Re: A Little Levity --
« Reply #43 on: January 17, 2016, 04:42:11 PM »
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced Up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took The seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?”

She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your Business at this convention?”

“Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”

“Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?”

“Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is Scotsmen who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Irish

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. “I’m Sorry,” she said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t Even know your name.”

“Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto McTavish but my friends call me Paddy".

 ::thumbsup::

Offline Libertas

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Re: A Little Levity --
« Reply #44 on: January 19, 2016, 05:11:10 PM »
Thinking quickly on your feet is a gift.   ;D
Irrumabo!  GOP? - Nope. No more. They made their bed, now let them die in it.*
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Offline AlanS

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Re: A Little Levity --
« Reply #45 on: January 25, 2016, 02:15:16 PM »
Old Biker: "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."
Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag, sir?"
Old Biker: "Nah...She's purty good lookin'....."
"Malo periculosam, libertatem quam quietam servitutem."

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Offline Libertas

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Re: A Little Levity --
« Reply #46 on: January 27, 2016, 07:15:26 AM »
 ::rimshot::
Irrumabo!  GOP? - Nope. No more. They made their bed, now let them die in it.*
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Offline ToddF

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Re: A Little Levity --
« Reply #47 on: February 01, 2016, 12:55:30 PM »
An admiral visited one of the ships of the line under his command.  While eating breakfast with the crew he was impressed to see the Naval Insignia stamped on every biscuit.

He went to the Chief cook to ask how this feat was done, so it could be used on other ships under his command.  The Chief replied, "I’d be glad to share that with you, Admiral.  After each biscuit is cut, I just slap it here against my belt buckle which bears the Navy Insignia.

Horrified the Admiral exclaims, "That's very unhygienic!"

The Chef shrugs and replies, "Well, if that’s the way you feel, sir, I suggest you avoid the donuts."

 ::pimp::

Online John Florida

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Re: A Little Levity --
« Reply #48 on: February 03, 2016, 05:28:30 PM »
A  woman wrote to tech support, and their reply is a stroke of genius
             
           
                 
This young woman is no different from the rest of us, both family happiness and heartbreak are familiar to her. She is simply looking for an answer to her questions.
How do you maintain a relationship? How do you bring back the excitement of the first date?

She wrote a letter to the tech support to find her answers. She sent the letter as a joke and only remembered about it when  she suddenly received an email notification with a response.
                 
Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall systemperformance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications,
which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as: Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0,
NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.

             
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have triedrunning Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
                 
Signed,
Desperate


Dear Desperate,

   
"First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package,  while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command:
I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do  not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as  designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause  Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5,  Happy Hour 7.0 or  Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will  download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.
         
Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)  In addition, please, do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have  limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.  You might consider buying additional software to improve memory
and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck!"
   
All men are created equal"
 Filippo Mazzie