Author Topic: A Little Levity --  (Read 4388 times)

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Offline rustybayonet

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A Little Levity --
« on: October 23, 2015, 08:05:06 PM »
Walking can add minutes to your life.  This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7,000 per month....

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me...

Every time I hear the dirty word "EXERCISE", I wash my mouth out with chocolate ...

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country ...

If you don't forward this to one of your friends within the next 5 minutes your bellybutton will unscrew and your butt will fall off ...
All Gave Some -- Some Gave All
                                           Humbled to be one of the 33 original members of the Coast Guard Honor Guard, started in 1962.
  Today is the Tomorrow, we worried about Yesterday

Offline AlanS

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Re: A Little Levity --
« Reply #1 on: October 24, 2015, 12:43:17 PM »
Sadly, I can relate to all of them. ::laughonfloor::
"Malo periculosam, libertatem quam quietam servitutem."

Thomas Jefferson

Offline Libertas

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Re: A Little Levity --
« Reply #2 on: October 26, 2015, 07:14:11 AM »
Is it good or bad that those make sense to me?   :o
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Offline rustybayonet

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Re: A Little Levity --
« Reply #3 on: November 25, 2015, 07:16:48 AM »
Laugh for today;

I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in. 

Oh well when you're over seventy who gives a sh*t !
All Gave Some -- Some Gave All
                                           Humbled to be one of the 33 original members of the Coast Guard Honor Guard, started in 1962.
  Today is the Tomorrow, we worried about Yesterday

Offline Libertas

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Re: A Little Levity --
« Reply #4 on: November 25, 2015, 07:27:38 AM »
I got one for ya!

An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall.

”Excuse me; I can’t seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”

The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, ”Of course,

sir. Do you know where your wife might be?”

”I have no idea, but every time I talk to a woman with tits like yours, she seems to appear out of nowhere.”


H/T - http://iotwreport.com/wisdom-of-an-older-man/

Heh!
Irrumabo!  GOP? - Nope. No more. They made their bed, now let them die in it.*
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Offline rustybayonet

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Re: A Little Levity --
« Reply #5 on: November 25, 2015, 08:49:32 AM »
 ::snoopydance::

Good one - here's another-

I was standing at the bar one night, minding my own business.  This ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my ass and said,"You're kind of cute you gotta a phone number?"  I said, "Yes", you gotta  pen". She said "Yea, I got a pen", and I said "You better get back in it before the farmer missed you"... Cost me 6 stitches ....

All Gave Some -- Some Gave All
                                           Humbled to be one of the 33 original members of the Coast Guard Honor Guard, started in 1962.
  Today is the Tomorrow, we worried about Yesterday

Offline Libertas

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Re: A Little Levity --
« Reply #6 on: November 25, 2015, 09:48:11 AM »
 ::laughonfloor::

At least you weren't that far gone, eh?  Could have been worse!



Irrumabo!  GOP? - Nope. No more. They made their bed, now let them die in it.*
* © Libertas (H/T Glock32)

Offline warpmine

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Re: A Little Levity --
« Reply #7 on: November 26, 2015, 06:39:43 AM »
I got one for ya!

An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall.

”Excuse me; I can’t seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”

The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, ”Of course,

sir. Do you know where your wife might be?”

”I have no idea, but every time I talk to a woman with tits like yours, she seems to appear out of nowhere.”


H/T - http://iotwreport.com/wisdom-of-an-older-man/

Heh!
I really liked that one to!
Remember, four boxes keep us free:
The soap box, the ballot box, the jury box, and the cartridge box.

Online ToddF

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Re: A Little Levity --
« Reply #8 on: December 01, 2015, 12:50:23 PM »
When I was young I decided I wanted to be a doctor, so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School.

One of the questions asked was to rearrange the letters PNEIS into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.

Those who answered spine are doctors today.

The rest of us are posting jokes on message boards.

 ::thumbsup::

Offline rustybayonet

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Re: A Little Levity --
« Reply #9 on: December 03, 2015, 08:07:51 AM »
It looks like a new widespread and highly contagious epidemic is sweeping the country. The symptoms are defined as; Severe pain of the scalp from pulling your own hair while viewing the president pander to Muslim terrorists.  Loose bowels from swallowing the fact that we elected him twice.  Extreme hunger due to vomiting from nightly seeing terrorists murdering innocent people.  At this time there is not much cure for this; "Post-Islamic Stress Trauma with Apologetic Whitehouse Fatigue", - which is known as --- PIST-AWF, but Medical personnel seem to think a cure could be available in November of 2016.
All Gave Some -- Some Gave All
                                           Humbled to be one of the 33 original members of the Coast Guard Honor Guard, started in 1962.
  Today is the Tomorrow, we worried about Yesterday

Offline rustybayonet

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Re: A Little Levity --
« Reply #10 on: December 03, 2015, 08:14:03 AM »
A U.S, Marine enters the Catholic Church confessional booth in Henderson, NC.
He tells the priest, "Bless me Father, for I have sinned".  "Last night, I beat the ever-living crap out of a flag burning, cop hating, Obama loving protester."
The priest says, "My son, I'm here to forgive your sins, not to discuss your community service".
All Gave Some -- Some Gave All
                                           Humbled to be one of the 33 original members of the Coast Guard Honor Guard, started in 1962.
  Today is the Tomorrow, we worried about Yesterday

Offline Libertas

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Re: A Little Levity --
« Reply #11 on: December 03, 2015, 08:29:02 AM »
Heh.

Oh, and about that "cure"...well...you know...
Irrumabo!  GOP? - Nope. No more. They made their bed, now let them die in it.*
* © Libertas (H/T Glock32)

Offline AlanS

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Re: A Little Levity --
« Reply #12 on: December 03, 2015, 09:00:36 AM »
A U.S, Marine enters the Catholic Church confessional booth in Henderson, NC.
He tells the priest, "Bless me Father, for I have sinned".  "Last night, I beat the ever-living crap out of a flag burning, cop hating, Obama loving protester."
The priest says, "My son, I'm here to forgive your sins, not to discuss your community service".

 ::hysterical:: ::hysterical:: ::hysterical::
"Malo periculosam, libertatem quam quietam servitutem."

Thomas Jefferson

Offline rustybayonet

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Re: A Little Levity --
« Reply #13 on: December 06, 2015, 08:53:48 AM »
The question is - who is the smartest and most honest, I pick the dummy in the middle ....


« Last Edit: December 06, 2015, 08:58:49 AM by rustybayonet »
All Gave Some -- Some Gave All
                                           Humbled to be one of the 33 original members of the Coast Guard Honor Guard, started in 1962.
  Today is the Tomorrow, we worried about Yesterday

Offline rustybayonet

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Re: A Little Levity --
« Reply #14 on: December 06, 2015, 08:57:01 AM »
Sad but very true .....

All Gave Some -- Some Gave All
                                           Humbled to be one of the 33 original members of the Coast Guard Honor Guard, started in 1962.
  Today is the Tomorrow, we worried about Yesterday

Offline rustybayonet

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Re: A Little Levity --
« Reply #15 on: December 06, 2015, 09:05:56 AM »
Don't we wish....


All Gave Some -- Some Gave All
                                           Humbled to be one of the 33 original members of the Coast Guard Honor Guard, started in 1962.
  Today is the Tomorrow, we worried about Yesterday

Online John Florida

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Re: A Little Levity --
« Reply #16 on: December 06, 2015, 09:11:18 AM »
   ::hysterical:: ::cool::
All men are created equal"
 Filippo Mazzie

Offline Libertas

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Re: A Little Levity --
« Reply #17 on: December 06, 2015, 10:55:22 AM »
A small ray of hope...I hope this Liberty University call for more people to get permits and carry on campus spreads like wildfire!  Between Obama's Islaminal immigrants and Obama's ferals people need to be a hell of a lot more proactive in ensuring their own safety, and this is EXACTLY the kind of action the Founders expect free people jealous of their Life and Liberty to employ!!!

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Irrumabo!  GOP? - Nope. No more. They made their bed, now let them die in it.*
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Offline rustybayonet

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Re: A Little Levity --
« Reply #18 on: December 07, 2015, 08:35:17 AM »
From the old fart with the warped sense of humor;

All Gave Some -- Some Gave All
                                           Humbled to be one of the 33 original members of the Coast Guard Honor Guard, started in 1962.
  Today is the Tomorrow, we worried about Yesterday

Offline Libertas

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Re: A Little Levity --
« Reply #19 on: December 07, 2015, 09:59:28 AM »
That better be the fricken White House!!!
Irrumabo!  GOP? - Nope. No more. They made their bed, now let them die in it.*
* © Libertas (H/T Glock32)