2007
TV-14
85 minutes
Lt. Aronnaux (Lorenzo Lamas) and the crew of the Aquanaut submarine are charged with recovering a missing vessel, downed by a mysterious robotic squid. What they find is Captain Nemo (Sean Lawlor), an undersea scoundrel eager to wreak havoc on the surface. This high-tech update of the Jules Verne adventure classic also stars Natalie Stone as Lt. Cmdr. Rollins and Kim Little as specialist Sustin
Cast:Sean Lawlor, Lorenzo Lamas, Natalie Stone, Kim Little, Declan Joyce, Emilio Roso, Michael Tower, Rob Filson, Damien Puckler, Dorothy Drury Director:Gabriel Bologna Genres:Sci-Fi & Fantasy, Sci-Fi Adventure, Sci-Fi Dramas This movie is:Exciting, SuspensefulAvailability:Streaming (DVD availability date unknown)
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My Review:Movie starts out in a 'high-tech' submarine of the future. How do you know it's the future? Because a woman's voice speaks. What the?!
Just the first instinctual instance that told me this movie was really going to suck.
Next item of suckage: The military uniforms are pretty close to accurate... IF you are a communist pot-smoking liberal that has zero clue what a uniform looks like. Rank insignia and ranks they are called are way off. Long-haired military personnel, chubby ship-mates that would never pass a fit-test.
Next item of suckage: Pressing buttons on the ship panels and sub panels shows that the buttons are so cheap they are just a piece of plastic covered with black construction paper with holes in the paper.. with a back light to make them look like buttons on a panel.... from 10 feet away. They why do they show you a close-up of someone pushing the button from 8 inches away? (facepalm).
Next item of suckage: The highest ranking person that is brought in to oversea the rescue mission is a she-bitch with an attitude that would have her standing at attention before the admiral by the end of the day... bright red nail polish, bright red lipstick.. carries herself like a pole-dancer... (facepalm). Have I mentioned yet that a Jr. High drama class could pull off a more realistic and believable Navy crew?
Next item of suckage: Why make the front of your mini-sub a giant window with high-tech displays all colorful and beautiful and pretty... and along the bottom have a compass? When you're banking sharply to the left and the compass doesn't move at all. If the damn compass doesn't even work... how can you trust all the other equipment being displayed on the window? (laugh)
Next item of suckage: Can't Hollywood make just 1 movie without pushing some sort of Anti-God agenda and Earth-Worship B.S. ?
Next item of suckage: The cast has apparently all received bachelor degrees from the University of Acting under the direct tutelage of Professor William Shatner. When in doubt... drama queen it up so much that the camera men have a hard time not laughing at you.
Next item of suckage: There should be a disclaimer or explanation at the beginning of the movie to explain the 2 second pauses between each line being said by the actors.. the hesitations and unnatural pauses is very unsettling.
.....
Finished watching the movie.
I honestly should get some sort of payment for suffering through that.
