The Russians are buzzing our bases in Guam.
The Chinese are cruising off the coast of California.
Meteors (or are they asteroids?) are shooting past the Earth, missing us by barely a whisker.
The national debt is approaching a gazillion dollars and the president wants more spending, not less.
Semi-automatic rifles, ammunition, powder and primers are flying off the shelves at such a clip (no pun intended) that you’d think we were preparing for invasion.
I have two theories that can tie all these things together:
1) Obama (and the leaders of the other super powers) know that the “near miss” meteor is just the vanguard for some more big rocks heading our way. One or more of them will hit us, setting us back a couple hundred years socially and technologically. How can Obama make sure Americans are armed and ready for the coming holocaust? How can he make sure the guns and ammo get into the hands of the right people- the one who are passionate about their freedom and willing to do something about it? By threatening to ban guns, of course! If the rock hits somewhere that affects the USA and the Russians or Chinese try to take advantage of it to invade, we’ll have the largest and best armed “Home Guard” army the world has ever seen. Obama has cleverly ensured that America will prevail. He will be remembered as the greatest president because he wasn't afraid to look like a dick for years while keeping the terrible secret safe.
Or 2) Obama is an arrogant ass who is determined to undermine the very fabric of America. The meteor was a coincidence. The Russians and Chinese smell our blood in the water and are mocking our weakness.
I guess the scientific principle that “the simplest solution is usually the right one” requires me to go with theory 2.
Kind of a shame, really.