Topic: Murphy's Laws of Probability

[oldcoastie6468]

Murphy's Laws of Probability
 
 
1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
 
3. Law of the Ladder - One of the legs of the ladder from which you'll be working will land on the power cord of the tool you'll be using, necessitating your climbing down the ladder to move the cord from under the foot of the ladder.
 
4. Law of Probability- The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

5. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
 
6. Supermarket Law - As soon as you get in the smallest line, the cashier  will have to call for help.
 
7. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

8. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
 
9. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

10. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
 
11. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

12. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
 
13. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
 
14. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
 
15. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

16. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
 
17. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
 
18. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

19. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
 
20. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor; by the time you get there you'll feel better... But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick. This has been proven over and over with taking children to the pediatrician.

[Libertas]

21.  Obama's Law - If you like your law, you can keep your law.

[Pandora]

1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

This one is more like the "Law of Soiled Hands", as in "no soonee get chicken all over hands and your nose will start to run".

10. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

When I was younger (and lived in NJ), Dad used to take care of whatever ailed my car.  Which ailment usually disappeared as soon as I pulled into his driveway.

[AlanS]

When I was younger (and lived in NJ), Dad used to take care of whatever ailed my car.  Which ailment usually disappeared as soon as I pulled into his driveway.

That's definitely a female thing. I don't know how many ghosts I've chased with the wife's vehicles.

[Pandora]

When I was younger (and lived in NJ), Dad used to take care of whatever ailed my car.  Which ailment usually disappeared as soon as I pulled into his driveway.

That's definitely a female thing. I don't know how many ghosts I've chased with the wife's vehicles.

Hmph.  I dunno 'bout that, but my husband knows me well enough that when I tell him something's wrong, something is wrong.  It may not be in evidence at the moment, but be prepared 'cause it'll be back.

[AlanS]

When I was younger (and lived in NJ), Dad used to take care of whatever ailed my car.  Which ailment usually disappeared as soon as I pulled into his driveway.

That's definitely a female thing. I don't know how many ghosts I've chased with the wife's vehicles.

Hmph.  I dunno 'bout that, but my husband knows me well enough that when I tell him something's wrong, something is wrong.  It may not be in evidence at the moment, but be prepared 'cause it'll be back.

Sorry, Pan. Wrong term. Gremlin was what I meant. It's there, just not the moment I look at it.

[Pandora]

When I was younger (and lived in NJ), Dad used to take care of whatever ailed my car.  Which ailment usually disappeared as soon as I pulled into his driveway.

That's definitely a female thing. I don't know how many ghosts I've chased with the wife's vehicles.

Hmph.  I dunno 'bout that, but my husband knows me well enough that when I tell him something's wrong, something is wrong.  It may not be in evidence at the moment, but be prepared 'cause it'll be back.

Sorry, Pan. Wrong term. Gremlin was what I meant. It's there, just not the moment I look at it.

Nono, it's okay; I get it.  Gremlins, ghosts, same tricksies.  It was Dad that was dismissive; "don't worry about it".  O rly.  So, who's gonna worry about it when I'm stuck on the side of the road, you?

[radioman]

Murphy was an optimist!

If something has a 50-50 chance of going wrong, it will, 90% of the time.

[oldcoastie6468]

So, who's gonna worry about it when I'm stuck on the side of the road, you?

If we knew each other, I'd stop.

Too bad that's a risky thing to do nowadays, though.

[Libertas]

Murphy was an optimist!

If something has a 50-50 chance of going wrong, it will, 90% of the time.

Kinda Yogi-ish...like "Baseball is 90% mental, the other half being physical"!   

[AlanS]

It was Dad that was dismissive; "don't worry about it".  O rly.  So, who's gonna worry about it when I'm stuck on the side of the road, you?

After 23 yrs of marriage, I know better than to be dismissive to the boss. I'm a quick learner.

[Glock32]

Murphy was an optimist!

If something has a 50-50 chance of going wrong, it will, 90% of the time.

Kinda Yogi-ish...like "Baseball is 90% mental, the other half being physical"!   

Rush repeated another Yogi-ism: "That restaurant? Nobody goes there, the place is too crowded."