This evening I was looking for something for my (nearly teenage) daughter to watch with me and I settled on "Batman Returns" which is the Tim Burton directed sequel to Burton's "Batman."
I had completely forgotten how much I didn't like this movie.
It really sucks.
I have seen the original "Batman" movie several times. I liked it the first time I saw it and I still like it. I guess it's the Joker portrayal by Jack Nicholson. I liked Heath Ledger's portrayal much better but I still enjoy watching Nicholson do the role.
But "Batman Returns" is repugnant beyond any reasonable level of expectation. It embodies everything that I detest about just about any Burton film you care to name (except "Batman" and a few others noted below). The surreal atmosphere of Gotham from "Batman" is stepped up to the point of the cartoonishly grotesque...instead of Gotham being dark it is filthy and begs the question, "Why would anyone want to live there?"
In the sequel Michael Keaton (who always seemed like an odd choice for the role) seems to be thoroughly emasculated, a shadow of his former self in either the Bruce Wayne or Batman persona. The villians are equally disappointing with Christopher Walken playing an evil and greedy industrialist (is there any other kind in leftist Hollywood?) and Danny Devito trying way, way too hard to be a better bad guy than Nicholson and failing miserably. As with the rest of the sets and backdrops, both of the antagonists come off looking more filthy than anything else. This film just oozes dirtiness and you feel dirty after having watched it. And of course, there is Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman to round things out. She was cast to look sexy and desirable as Bruce Wayne/Batman's quasi enemy and romantic interest which is stupidly schizophrenic.
Let me expound upon the whole Catwoman thing. First of all I know that this character is somewhat, if not completely, true to the original comic book concept. That is, a love/hate kinda anti-villian romantic interest for Batman. I find that concept stupid on its face. Comic book heroes and villians are traditionally, if nothing else, very one dimensional. The good guys are good and the bad guys are bad. Catwoman should have been captured or killed on sight by Batman right out of the gate. Batman is extremely unsympathetic to criminals of any kind and the notion that he would cut any slack to one just because she happens to be female and good looking is ridiculous. Batman is pathalogically driven to fight criminals. Period. So that whole thing never made sense to me at all and still doesn't.
Anyway, in this movie Catwoman looks severely slutty instead of sexy. The scene where she is briefly on top of Batman and it looks like she is going to kiss him and instead licks him from chin to nostril is so creepy and disgusting that it nearly defies description. It is not even vaguely romantic. It's sleazy. I see it and I think she needs to be shot with a tranquilizer gun and kept in a cage. And then maybe put to sleep. The character and almost every scene she is in garners no sympathy or empathy or respect. Instead I feel disgust and I am disgusted with Bruce Wayne/Batman for being attracted to her.
The story of the movie is thin and doesn't hold my attention. Or if it does at all it is in the form of wishing that it would end so that my misery can end with it. Unfortunately, my daughter is caught up in it (because, hey, shiny object) so I can't just turn this drivel off after I remember why I hated it the first time I saw it. Instead of a quality story with good characters I get nothing but wretched Tim Burton themed scenery which is horrid beyond belief.
One of the things that I can't understand is how Tim Burton continues to get good projects to visit his one-trick talent on. Don't get me wrong...I don't hate everything that Burton has ever done. In addition to the aforementioned "Batman" I very much like "Beetlejuice" which also stars Michael Keeton and makes excellent use of Geena Davis and the usually insufferable Alec Baldwin. I also enjoyed Burton's tribute to Ed Wood who must have been an artistic soulmate of sorts even though Wood never made anything but horrid crap. His animated films have been okay...not great but okay. Just about everything else that Burton has touched has been pure garbage and "Batman Returns" is sort of a gleaming (or perhaps steaming) example of how awful he can be.
It's like he got the huge movie budget to work with (because you know he did) and decided to see how little quality stuff he could get for the most money. The end result is a cheapo looking production that seems designed to insult and offend the audience with its very atrociousness. About the only thing missing was Johnny Depp and I'm sure it wasn't for lack of trying on Burton's part...he was probably busy or wasn't convinced that it would be horrible enough to warrant his presence.
The sheer awfulness of this movie is enormous. It's a black hole of art and talent that should have sucked the careers of anyone and everyone involved into movie making oblivion. Somehow, it didn't and that is a tragedy. There should be a price to be paid for shoveling less than well crafted garbage like this on an unsuspecting public. If there was any justice in this world (but there isn't much, witness President Obama and Vice President Biden) all of those involved would be sentenced to a life sentence in New Jersey dinner theater.