Filed under "Movies I Wish I Had Never Seen" is the film adaptation of the Broadway (actually worldwide) musical, "Mamma Mia!"
First of all let me say that I actually like the music of ABBA. I didn't care for it at all when I was younger and it was closely associated with the disco genre. I despised disco and still do. But sometime in the last ten years or so I came to appreciate the musical and lyrical work of the Swedish pop group. I haven't seen and am not likely to ever see the live performance of "Mamma Mia" but Mrs. trapeze dragged me to see the horrid, wretched mess that is the film adaptation.
What made it truly insufferable? Pierce Brosnan's "singing." Brosnan is a mediocre actor at best but he is about as miserable a singer as you are likely to encounter. I mean that in all objective sincerity...he is worse than a lot of typical off key grade school singers. The plot of the musical is bad enough without being subjected to what can only be described as a form of low level auditory torture...the kind of thing that law enforcement might play in and endless loop in a hostage situation in order to drive the bad guys crazy. Certainly, being forced to listen to Pierce Brosnan sing is a human rights abuse. I swear I heard dogs baying outside the theater while this cretin was crooning...
Sharp, pointy fingernails on a chalkboard are more melodious. Yes, I would rather be subjected to that sound than be forced to listen to the musical stylings of Pierce Brosnan. It would be fun, by comparison, to have one's pubic hairs plucked one at a time with an intermittent splash of isopropyl alcohol and cayenne pepper thrown in for good measure.
But the movie is violently unpleasant on so many other levels because the story is basically unimaginative threadbare crap that is strung together for no other purpose than to exploit the music of ABBA and thereby make a buck. It is completely unsurprising in its plodding plot. They manage to make sunny Greece look boring and somewhat hostile as a vacation destination. I wanted to throw up several times during the interminable time that it was on the screen.
I cannot recommend in any more stronger terms that this is a movie that should be avoided at all costs. Your very soul is at stake here.
Run from it.
You would have more fun with an aggressive gonorrhea infection.
